'Let's Fall in Love for the Night' by FINNEAS
^HIGHLY SUGGEST LISTENING TO THIS FOR THE VIBES^
Lucas and I walk hand in hand down a short road. He told me once again to trust him since he knows his way around Brighton. I don't want to tell him I know my way as well, so I just let him lead me down a mysterious road, using our phones as flashlights.
"Where are we going?" I ask, "Are you going to murder me or something?"
He glances down at me with a mischievous look. "You really think I would've wasted money on your food if I was just going to kill you anyways?"
I think for a second. He makes a point. "This is still sketchy."
"I know, I know." He squeezes my hand tighter. "It'll be worth it."
We make it to a clearing finally. My eyes travel the length of the field, dotted with red flowers, before they make their way up to the sky.
"Woah," I whisper.
The sky expands around us with bright stars dotting its canvas. It's the clearest night I've seen in a very long time. We don't even need our flashlights anymore with the moonlight shining down on us.
"I know right," Lucas says before pulling me forward into the middle of the field.
He finds a patch that doesn't have as tall of grass and he turns to me, once again that mischievous smile making an appearance.
I follow his lead, but my eyes stay focused on the bright moon above. The wind tussles our hair just slightly in a rhythmic tone.
He holds out his hand. "Would you like to dance?"
I raise my hand before pausing. "Without music?"
He rolls his eyes. "Hellooo." He points to himself. "I'm a singer over here. I got this."
I laugh as I take his hand. He continues to hold the one hand, while placing his other on my waist. My other hand rests on his chest.
He rests his head on top of mine and hums something light. We sway to the music in each other's presence.
I think I could live in this moment forever, dancing in a field with someone I care about. I wish I had an emotion camera to capture this feeling of perfect content and happiness because I hope to live in this moment forever.
"What happens tomorrow?" I ask in a whisper, almost as if it was said to loud, then the whole night would shatter.
He doesn't move to see my face. He keeps his head resting atop of mine. I'm glad he doesn't because I don't want to overthink his expressions right now. I want to believe his words for what they are.
"Well I'm not so sure about that." He copies the tone of my voice. "What do you want to happen?"
I sigh. It's a question that's loomed in the back of my head ever since he brought up the idea. Tomorrow is going to come at some point; tonight can't last forever. I just don't want to think about that right now.
And maybe that's why I reply with, "I'm not sure either."
He doesn't answer my uncertainty. We just continue to dance under the stars in a field of flowers. It's more of a dream than a reality, and maybe that's what scares me the most.
I mean, what kind of world am I living in that I get to do this?
_ _ _
"Do you know anything about constellations?" Lucas asks as we stare up at the stars. He's laying on the ground now, and my head is on his chest.
I laugh. "Not one bit."
"Me neither."
"One time-" I get up on one elbow to look at him as I tell my story- "I was on a first date, and I pointed to a constellation. I kid you not, I told the guy it looked like a cock. On the first date. I was mortified."
He laughs, not able to contain it. "Well, did you go on a second date?"
I shake my head. "Must've scared him off."
"Then it wasn't meant to be," Lucas shakes his head. "It's only a good relationship if you can talk about constellation cocks."
I roll my eyes, going back to laying my head on his chest. "I'm not sure about that."
Lucas points one hand towards the sky. "That one kinda looks like an ass."
I turn my head to the right a little bit. "I don't see it."
"Right there." He jabs a finger at the sky, almost aggressively if that's possible.
I turn my head the other direction. "Ohh I see it now."
We flow into our comfortable quiet again. That's how we've been all night. We talk about the most random things before going back into peaceful silence. I never thought I'd love something like this.
Maybe I've misjudged the whole friend-soulmate thing. Maybe this is what we're supposed to be.
A part of me wants to fully dive into this belief that we're meant to be more, but another tugs me back to my common sense. We're not ourselves right now.
Right now we're Lucas and Lilly. Lovers. But we're also liars in a sense. Lying to ourselves, so we don't have to be liable for our actions in the light.
Lucas and Lilly. Lovers. Liars. Not wanting to spot the difference.
"Lilly?" Lucas whispers, breaking me from my train of thought.
"Yes?"
"Do you know what's going to happen in the morning yet?" he refers back to our conversation earlier. How are we going to handle this when we can no longer pretend in the moonlight?
I sigh, knowing there was only one thing we could really do in this conversation. Too many lines have been crossed; we've been dancing in the gray area of the friendzone. It would be too complicated to try and drunkenly dance our way out of it. We can't be Lucas and Lilly forever. That's why I answer his question the way I do. Because we both know it's the only way to escape this with only a few scrapes.
"Exactly what we said we'd do at the beginning of the night," I say softly, "Pretend none of this happened at all because we'll have to be ourselves again."
He hums a response before bringing his head up slightly to kiss the top of mine.
"I've hated being in the dark for a large part of my life," he begins to tell me, "I was always begging for the morning, so I could escape the dragging nights and have a reason to be sleepless. I've always wanted the night to end and the dawn to break, but tonight I hope the sun never comes. I hope this is the longest night of my life, just so I can stay with you, Lilly, for as long as possible."
I prop myself up on my elbow again and give him a kiss. His hand goes into my hair and moves it out of my face. It's a longing kind of kiss. Almost as if we're saying goodbye even though we'll see each other a thousand times after tonight. Just never as Lucas and Lilly ever again.
I don't have the heart to tell him it's nearing 4:30. We don't have much time before the first tints of the orange dawn begins to show through the skies. I just let us live in the moment of our forever, even if that forever can only last till the morning light.