"Where are you going?" Giulia wondered as Alberto hobbled across the kitchen floor toward the front door.
"I need some air," he said, crutching as quickly as he could.
She rolled her eyes as the door shut behind Alberto. Alberto and Luca's relationship had always been a touch theatrical, even before they lost communication. 'Some things don't change,' she reflected. She decided to see how Luca was doing.
She went up to the door and knocked. "Can I come in?" She decided to step in after receiving no response.
She felt horrible about making fun of them just a minute before, when she saw Luca kneeling on the floor. He appeared to be in tears.
"What happened?" she inquired.
He made a shaky motion with his head. "It didn't work."
"What didn't work?"
"He doesn't want me to be around," he said quietly, wiping his eyes.
"What? This doesn't seem right?"
"Well, he's said it," he cried.
She put her hands on Luca's shoulders and said, "OK, calm down." He was shivering.
"Come here" she helped him stand up and they both sat on the bed.
She stroked his back with her hand. As tall as Luca was, he appeared to be much smaller in that time.
"What did he say?"
He drew his brows together and bowed his head.
"He said he didn't need me and that I could go back to Genova for all that he cared."
Giulia was sympathetic to Luca's plight. She couldn't help but believe that wasn't Alberto, but she understood she had missed a lot of her brother's relationship recently, and that Alberto was just not who she remembered. It was like a constant pounding in the back of her mind, making her feel like a bad sister.
Alberto may have said terrible things to Luca, but he was always a nice guy who would never hurt anyone on purpose. He must have been furious, but she knew that with some time and some good old ocean therapy, he would feel better.
"Don't worry, he didn't mean it."
"Still, he was right. I have earned this. I've hurt him, and there's no way I'm going to get him to forgive me."
She contemplated the words for a second.
"Cioccolata!" Giulia yelled.
"What?"
"We need some cioccolata," she said again, grabbing Luca's hand and dragging him downstairs. Giulia made two mugs of scalding hot cioccolata calda while Luca sat down.
"I wanted to tell him everything, but he wouldn't listen" Luca recalled, his hands warmed by the cup, "I've never seen him like that."
"As I told you before, you need to give him time. He has his own way of dealing with things, so all you have to do right now is wait and talk to him again later."
"Still, I'm not sure if he'll want to hear this."
She furrowed her brows.
"What do you mean?"
***
Meanwhile, Alberto arrived at the docks. It's been weeks since he last stepped into the sea. Because of the many stitches, the doctor encouraged him to take it easy, but Alberto felt he needed to go in if he wanted to fully recover. It wasn't just his body that was hurting, and a good swim always helped him feel better.
He was relieved that his cast had been removed before he left the hospital; otherwise, the change would have been tough. His leg was still hurting, but nothing that a little salt water couldn't fix.
Slowly approaching the water, he felt the change on his toes, revealing his webbed feet. As he progressed, purple scales began to replace more and more of his skin. His tail appeared, bringing much-needed balance. Soon, his entire body was submerged in water, and he felt a little better when he finally immersed his head and his gills began to filter the oxygen.
Alberto was quickly calmed by the light pressure and the beautiful floating experience. From the time he was a small child, he had a fondness for the surface, but nothing could equal to being entirely submerged. He allowed the stream to elevate his limbs slightly, and his tail flowed from left to right. He went deep enough into the water that the outside light dimmed a little.
He closed his eyes and surrendered to his sea-person senses. He could hear the quiet, muffled sounds that surrounded him, and he welcomed the little temperature shift that passed over his scales. This was something he had missed. No one could tell him what to do or how to feel now because he was alone. He was alone, ruminating on his seething thoughts.
First, he needed to relax, but the moment his mind and body started to slow down, he could feel the neurones in his brain start to fire up. His mind looked for a calm memory where he might feel comfortable and at ease.
***
"Figlio, è ora di alzarsi!" Massimo exclaimed as he peered over the corner of the door. Alberto was still dozing off. From behind the sheets, just a semi-irritated grunt could be heard.
After fifteen minutes, both Marcovaldo men were seated at the kitchen table, sipping coffee and eating cornetti. It appeared to be a typical morning. Above Portorosso, a lovely vanilla sky, warm already at 6 a.m.
Alberto and Massimo's fishing outings where they would merely sit in the boat and wait for fish to get caught in the net were long gone. They were both a little reserved at first, but now they talked about everything: the fish, of course, but also about getting a new truck and how they would almost certainly have to repair it together, about why you should never leave cooked pasta in warm water, and, most recently, about how far away Genova is, how long it takes to get there by train, and how much a two-way train ticket costs.
Massimo had always been a more hands-on guy, and when he spotted Alberto spending more and more time alone in his room, or when Alberto didn't manage to eat a full plate of pasta, he knew something was up. So, he decided to confront him.
"Alberto, do you have a minute?" he asked after a long day of fishing, running the pescheria and delivering the fish to the locals.
When Alberto got down to the kitchen, he had already changed. Instead of a table with food, he was greeted by Massimo, who was sitting behind the table. Although the pasta was cooking, dinner was not yet ready. Alberto thought the mood was odd, something he wasn't used to in a long time.
Despite this, Alberto sat in his customary spot, with a somewhat anxious expression on his face. Is there something he did incorrectly or something he didn't do that Massimo expected him to do? Massimo intervened just as Alberto was about to enter a full-fledged overthinking frenzy.
"In a minute, dinner will be ready. Can you tell me what's wrong first?"
Alberto felt a cooling feeling all throughout his body.
"Nothing's wrong, Dad." he replied.
"Figlio, you're a good kid, but you've never been a very good liar. I can see you're bothered by something. I've already told you that if anything goes wrong, I'll be there for you." Massimo's tone was soothing. He wanted to avoid putting too much pressure on Alberto. He was aware of how he responded when confronted, and he wanted to offer the boy some leverage if he didn't want to open up straight immediately.
Alberto was visibly embarrassed. Massimo was someone he knew he could trust, but he wasn't sure he'd understand.
"It's OK if you don't want to say it now. I just want you to feel better."
Alberto shook his head.
"I'm sorry, Dad, it's something I prefer not to trouble you with. Don't worry, I'll be OK."
"Alberto, you're not troubling me. I've been watching you for a few weeks now, and you don't appear to be improving. And maybe you could talk to someone else... it doesn't have to be me."
"It's a blunder. It makes me feel foolish."
"I don't think it's foolish if it makes you feel bad."
Alberto let out a sigh.
"It's Luca..."
"I had a feeling that was the case."
Alberto's pupils dilated.
"Since he left, you've been acting strangely."
Alberto finally let out a little of what he'd been keeping back for weeks, and now that he was out in the open. His face flushed.
"I believe I made a mistake. He hasn't written in a long time. This is precisely what I feared would happen, and I was right."
"Can you tell me what you did?"
This was the most difficult part. Alberto never mentioned it to anyone. Would Massimo pass judgment on him, or would he affirm that he had made a mistake?
"I-I told him how I really felt about him..."
Alberto lowered his sight.
For a brief moment, Massimo did not move or say anything.
"It's odd that he hasn't figured it out on his own. It's been very evident, to be honest."
"W-What?"
"Alberto, I may not speak much, but I am not blind."
Alberto was visibly embarrassed. In truth, what did he expect? That Massimo would simply brush it aside? If there's one thing Alberto learnt from living with Massimo for so many years, it's that the one-handed giant never left a problem unsolved. It was one of those instances.
"I just assumed you'd be angry or disappointed..."
"What makes you think that?"
"The other day, I overheard some kids using some foul language. It gave me an odd feeling."
"Alberto, listen to me carefully. There will always be some who do not like you. They're not going to enjoy the way you smile, dress, or how successful you are at what you do. That's OK. You don't have to be friends with everyone. Those who matter, will always accept you. For the others... well, mandali a quel paese."
"But what if the person that matters doesn't want to be friends with you?"
"People leave, as you and I both know all too well, and that's totally all right. Life isn't always what we want it to be. It's also fine if it hurts. Let it. However, you must accept the fact that not everyone you know will stick by your side. People will leave you at times, and sometimes you will leave people. I get how it sounds, and you're probably thinking I'm being inconsiderate. However, if you stick with someone who has abandoned you for too long, you will be unhappy. And everyone, including you, Alberto, deserves to be happy, remember that very well."
Massimo took a brief pause to assess Alberto's expression. He seemed to be thinking over Massimo's words.
"Having said that, if you believe there is anything you can do, even if it is the tiniest bit, go for it. Fight for what you believe is right. And never listen to anyone who tells you that you shouldn't. What matters most is how you feel about it."
A stronger current shook Alberto's body somewhat. That drew him back to the present, and he felt the pressure of the waters around him once more. He thought to himself, 'If only I could be that brave.' He felt anguish in his chest every time Luca left for Genova at the end of the summer. But when the letter addressed to Luca's family arrived with none address for him, he realised Luca no longer wanted Alberto in his life. That was far more difficult, or at least as bad as realising Massimo was correct when he claimed that some people simply leave, just like his father had done all those years before.
Now that Luca had returned, Alberto's heart was racing, but in the back of his mind, stupid Bruno took the spotlight, labelling Alberto as a fool for believing that Luca would stay once the summer was over. Why couldn't he just enjoy his time with his friend for once? Was it still better to drive him away rather than strive to make the time he had with Luca worthwhile? Even if it wouldn't change anything?
Why couldn't he simply take Luca's apologies and move on? Why did his fear of being alone have to be the driving force behind everything? Why couldn't he simply for a moment forget about the bad and concentrate on the good?
Was there anything else left but fear, the same fear that had kept Luca in Genova for so long? Was his apprehension genuinely unique to Luca? Alberto realised that remorse was one of the most difficult challenges he would never be able to overcome. Remorse for not writing or calling, for not summoning the guts to make the appropriate decision. Could he finally let go of his attempts to avoid appearing weak and see things for what they were? As Massimo's words echoed in his head, Alberto acknowledged they both made mistakes, albeit in different ways. Wasn't it pastime to put things right?
***
It took a long time for Luca to arrive in his hometown. He swam slowly, his thoughts fixed on the words in his head. They bounced all over the place, hurting and comforting him at the same time. When he arrived at the building, it appeared to be abandoned. He shouted a brief 'hello,' and a faint 'bubble' emerged from his old bedroom after a few seconds. He stepped inside and discovered his grandmother resting on the bed. He walked over to her and sat on the edge of the bed. She smiled a little at him.
He softly held her hand and inquired, "How are you feeling?"
"As much as a person my age can feel," she said.
She mentioned it in her trademark sarcastic tone that Luca had missed so much while in his absence.
"Grandma, don't say that. You need some rest. It'll be over soon."
She grinned once more.
They exchanged a few seconds of silence before she decided to break it.
"What's the matter, Bubble? Are you doing okay?"
Luca understood she had a gut feeling when things weren't right. She had been placing him in all kinds of awkward circumstances since he was a child, sensing the tiniest sign of distress. He was unable to conceal anything from her. That's why, when he was younger, they talked a lot and Luca felt he could tell her everything.
"Don't worry, nonna. I'll be OK. I recently got into a fight with Alberto."
"Let me make a guess..." She sat down after prompting herself. "He didn't exactly welcome you with open arms.".
Luca only gave a simple nod.
"I was thinking the same thing. Would you like to tell me what happened?"
"Are my parents out in the field?"
"Yes, don't worry. They won't be back for a while."
He got a little grin from her. She knew it wasn't that Luca didn't trust his parents; it was simply that they, especially Daniela, might be a little overwhelming at times.
"Well, things didn't quite turn out the way I had hoped. I believed I could simply speak with him and explain myself, but he refused to listen. I'm not sure what I might say to persuade him to simply listen to me."
"You know, Bubble, in these years, he's been through a lot. You can't blame him for being cautious, and he'd probably been suppressing his emotions for so long that he couldn't contain himself at the time. He hadn't seen you in years, so I'm sure it was overwhelming for him. He's always been a rash person, so I'm certain that's why he reacted the way he did. All you have to do now is give him some time to calm down."
"I understand, nonna. That's why I've come all the way down here. I'm not sure that I could stay in his place."
Luca sighed and looked out the window of his bedroom.
"I just don't know what's going to happen next. I need to figure out a way to get him to listen to me."
"I know you've been away for a long time, and I'm sure he's changed a lot in the last several years, but he's still your friend. Don't forget that he was still paying for your school just a few months ago, so there's no doubt in my mind that he still cares. He's just hurt and possibly confused at the moment."
"I'm hoping you're right. I'm quite aware of what I did, and I'm not expecting him to forgive me that readily. I simply wish I had a better idea of what to do. It's difficult to figure out if the other person isn't interested in hearing what you have to say."
"Listen to me, Bubble. Alberto has been hurt so many times for his young age. He most likely doesn't trust anyone at this time, and as much as it may sting, he trusts you the least. You need to show him that you're serious about him, that you love him, and that you won't abandon him."
Luca climbed into his bed. They continued to chat, mostly about the Branzino family and their current attempt to win this year's crab show, but the thought of what Luca could do to put things right kept bouncing around in his thoughts. It wasn't the first time he had considered it. In fact, he remembered thinking about it on the train the first time he returned to Portorosso. He laughed it off at the time, but it now seemed like the only option to make things right. It didn't feel as If he was overreacting or rushing anything for the first time in weeks. For Alberto, Luca thought, he was more than eager to do anything.
After a time, Luca's parents arrived, and they shared a beautiful dinner, which made Daniela very pleased. In reality, they all yearned for more time with each other.
Luca excused himself as the meal was over. He said he'd be back shortly, but he had an important phone call to make. It was the ideal method to demonstrate to Alberto that he cared and was committed to improving things. It was one of those things that couldn't wait until morning.
***
"What have you been up to?" Giulia was the one who inquired.
"I needed to think for a while."
Something boiling on the stove drew Alberto's attention as he looked around the kitchen.
"Has Luca returned?" Alberto inquired, his gaze still roving over the area.
"No." she replied.
"Can you tell me where he is?"
"He returned home. I mean to his parents." Alberto appeared to be unwinding a little.
"Do you want something to eat?"
Alberto gave a kind smile.
"What?" Giulia asked.
"Did you prepare lunch?"
"What... I did cook before?"
"That's one of the things I admire about you... You never fail to bring a grin to my face."
"Oh, shut it!" Giulia said, her face lit up with a grin.
As they ate, Giulia started to get a little antsy.
"Are you going to tell me what happened, or should I just act like everything is fine?"
"Did you two talk... Of course, you talked." Alberto looked away and then back at Giulia. "What are you expecting me to say?"
"For starters, you could just listen to him."
"I listened to his arguments, but I'm still not convinced... He continued repeating he was scared, but I, Giulia, was too. I feared my emotions and how others, particularly my father, might react. But that didn't make it any less real to me. I can't believe he just shut himself up like that for so long."
"That's because maybe you don't know the whole story."
"What are you talking about?"
"After you left, I went up and talked to him. He hesitated at first, but eventually, he told me everything...
***
"I was in my third year of high school at the time. I expected things to fall into place by then, but school was becoming increasingly difficult, and I had to work even harder. I didn't have time for anything besides school, and I didn't have any real friends, just some classmates I spent time with in school. There was this student who was a transfer. Lorenzo. We were assigned to a group project and spent some time working together on it. He was nice and funny, and he was quite helpful with my assignments. He was really nice, and I was so lonely, Giulia, so I was thankful to spend time with him. We were practically attached to each other at the hip. There was nothing more between us; we were just best friends.
He kissed me as we walked towards the dormitory one winter evening when it was already dark outside. I had no idea what to do because he had caught me off guard. I can't say that I didn't like it because I did. I trusted him because he was polite and sweet, and he was my friend. The problem was that we were standing in the middle of the street, which attracted the attention of several guys, who began to taunt us as they approached. Lorenzo got irritated, and he provoked them back. That's when one of the three punched him in the stomach, knocking him to the ground.
I tried to jump in his direction, but one of the guys grabbed my throat and immobilised my hands, securing my position. He moved to my back and held my head in the direction of Lorenzo.
The person who punched Lorenzo turned around to face me.
"This is what we do to people like you."
Because Lorenzo was still on the ground, gasping for air, the man pressed him to the pavement, sat on his chest and began punching him in the face. He had just finished the previous punch when a new one arrived. I could hear bones crushed, and the man who was holding me made sure I watched the whole thing.
During the fight, I begged the guy to let him go, but he kept punching him and breaking his face. Lorenzo was drenched in blood already. He was kicked all over his body by the third person who had joined in. I can still hear Lorenzo's stifled sobs and desperate attempts to breathe.
When they were done, one of them tapped me on the cheek and warned, 'Watch it, or you'll be next.'
They left after that, and I approached Lorenzo, who was immobile on the street. There was blood everywhere. His face was unrecognisable. I yelled for help until someone came up to me and called the ambulance.
I saw Lorenzo for the last time that day. A couple of weeks after I learned, he was unable to speak, had trouble remembering faces, and required the use of a wheelchair to get around.
They made me stand there and watch, Giulia, and I couldn't do anything to help him. We weren't paying attention, we were careless, we didn't know... and he was the one who was left in the bloody pool as a warning. I was terrified that something similar would happen again. I didn't think it would make a difference if we kissed, but I soon discovered that some people would never accept it. So, I had to hide, since Lorenzo's bloodied face was right in front of me every time I wanted to let my feelings loose. If I chose to return and someone spotted us, I was terrified the same thing would happen to me or Alberto.
I wish I had more courage, that I could say, I don't give a damn what other people think, but that's not me. To keep both of us safe, I decided to hide, to repress my feelings for Alberto. But it was clearly a mistake. I did what I felt was right, and in the process, I hurt Alberto more than I'll ever know."
***
Alberto's eyes were swollen, and he was staring at the ground. He shook his head a little. He had a clear vision of what could have happened to Luca, but it didn't because of certain fortunate circumstances. His entire body trembled at the mere thought. Giulia stretched out and rested her hand on Alberto's shoulder. With his lower lip shaking, he took her hand.
"Now you know why," she said with a calm voice, "so, maybe it's time you two turn the situation around."
***
Up next in chapter 8:
"Did you have the opportunity to speak with him?" Luca asked.
"I did, and I told him of what had happened in Genova."
"I secretly hoped you'd do that... What exactly did he say?"
"I had to help him in calming down. A person who doesn't care, on the other hand, does not act in this manner."
"I suppose..."