Alex Solace
I heard him.
I've always been able to hear him.
I could hear him when he was reading to me. I heard every beautiful word. I could feel his soft touches and tender kisses that he pressed deeply and lovingly into my skin, and if I wasn't in the state I was in, I would cry.
I heard him on day one.
"Come on, baby. Open those pretty brown eyes for me," the flutter of soft lips on the back of my hand made tingles shoot throughout my body. Or at least I think they did. I'm pretty sure I'm hopped up on morphine right now.
I could hear his choked out sob which broke my heart. "Just open your eyes so I know you're okay."
I'm okay, Elias. I'm right here.
But the words didn't leave my mouth, they were trapped inside my mind, leaving me unable to give him the reassurance that I was still here.
I hear him on day two.
"We picked up Mateo yesterday so he's fine," Elias relays yesterday's events to me. "The teacher only let him go when she saw how happy he was when he saw Angelica so that's good *sniffle* that she didn't call the cops." I heard him chuckle dryly.
Hearing his sniffles and feeling his iron tight grip on my hand- it hurt. Not my hand- my heart. It hurt my heart. For some reason, hearing him be all torn up over this whole situation... it's fucked with my mind.
Maybe he... maybe he really does care about me. He wouldn't cry over me if he saw me as just someone to fuck, would he? I've never had a guy cry over me... so maybe he cares.
At first I thought he was being sweet to... I don't know... coax me into something. But over time I've started to think that he's an overall great guy. And especially now, would he really be at my bedside in the hospital if he didn't care?
I want nothing more than to open my eyes, to look at the pretty face that has my heart captured. The face that makes my soul cry and my heart clench, the face that has the power to erase every bad thought from my mind.
I won't lie and say I feel something for him, I have no problem admitting that.
The scary part isn't admitting to yourself that you have feelings for someone. It's admitting it to that person that you have feelings for them. Especially if they're a boy. Because it gives them a sort of... power over you. They could reject you, laugh at you, embarrass you, or they could claim that they reciprocate the feelings only to break you into pieces later on.
There's an infinite number of outcomes, but the scariest of them all? You both have genuine feelings for each other and your stupid crush actually becomes real.
(A/n: my genuine fear)
My heart has no doubt that Elias wouldn't hurt me, at least... that's what I like to think. I like to think that without a doubt he wouldn't hurt me- no. I have to believe my heart for once. I have to believe that he wouldn't hurt me. Physically, anyway.
The scary part for me is also the intimacy. Those beautiful moments we have- they're so overwhelming sometimes that it makes me want to run. It makes me what to run because it's so... comforting. It's so easy to get used to that what happens if one day it isn't there anymore? Then what? I'm heartbroken and he doesn't even know it.
This is all a huge headache. Do I like him? Yes. Do I fear him? For the most part, no. Do I like the moments we have together? The small kisses, the touching, the words? Yes. Do I like them enough that I don't want them to go away? Absolutely. So then what the fuck am I afraid of?
Being used. I'm afraid of being used, and I'm afraid of... I guess vulnerability? Emotional intimacy?
The intimacy we have is physical, but what happens when it turns emotional? Mental? I don't know how to handle that. I've never dealt with that- being so openly vulnerable with someone body, mind and soul. I can barely handle the physical, so what happens when I have to go through the other two?
I hate this. I hate myself. One minute I think he's not using me, one minute I think he is. One minute I'm not scared to admit my feelings, but then the next minute I'm scared of falling too deeply for him. I love the small intimate moments between us, but then I'm scared that it's all too much and it'll overwhelm me. That's it's getting too serious- too real.
I try to look at the facts. I like him. I'm not scared of him. He makes me feel good. I'm never worried that his loving kisses and touches will lead to something more, I'm never worried he'll force me into something. But there's that teeny tiny fucking voice that's telling me, look at what men have done to you your whole life. Do you really think he's different? Do you really think that someone's capable of liking you?
I don't want to deal with this. This is so fucking complicated and confusing, I don't even know what I'm thinking or saying anymore. I don't want to do this. I just want to sleep and get away from all of this.
I'm sorry, Elias. But I don't want to wake up right now.
I heard him on day three.
"I don't get it," Elias' gruff voice echoed throughout the room and I could almost see him pacing around my bed with his hands on his hips. "Why isn't she waking up?"
Because I don't want to. I'm so sorry, Elias. But I'm so tired. I'm so fucking tired.
"Physically," who I would assume is my doctor, spoke. "She's still wounded- but better- and her body is tired. But according to our neurologist, she's not in a coma. Mentally, she's fully capable of waking up, she just doesn't want to. The only reason she's still asleep is because she doesn't wanna wake up."
I could hear Elias' huff of frustration and I could imagine him running an aggravated hand through his hair. I feel his tough hands clutch my right one suddenly in an iron tight grip and my heart squeezes.
I can't comfort you right now, Elias. I can't hold your hand, I can't run my hands through your hair, I can't ease your anxiety, I can't do anything and I'm sorry. But I don't want to wake up.
"Speak to her," Doc says. "Since she's not medically in a coma, she's most likely able to hear you. Talking to patients helps sometimes."
Does it? Does it really? I can here you loud and clear, buddy. And... I'm still here, still asleep.
I faintly hear a door open and close, and the sound of a chair scraping against the flooring scratches my ears.
Ouch.
"Fucking hell, baby." I can imagine him shaking his head right now. It honestly makes me sick how hearing him say 'baby' made my heart monitor speed up a bit. "That true? You don't wanna wake up? Why?"
Why? Because I'm tired. Because I'm fucking exhausted. Because my body, my mind, I've gone through so much that this feeling of... of tranquility is so delicious I don't wanna let it go. I feel calm. Happy almost. I don't wanna wake up. I don't wanna go back to reality.
That's why.
"I need you here, Alex. Mateo needs you here." Oh fuck. Mateo. "All we've told him is that his mama is hurt and she's asleep. He's okay though, in case your wondering. Him and Rocky are living their best lives in my best right now," he chuckles.
Rocky. I miss the lil' dude. But Mateo. My sweet boy. He must be so confused.
Now I feel like a piece of shit.
"Come on, sweet cheeks." The warm flutter of his lips meets my skin and I bask in the sensation. I love it when he does that, I love it when he pushes the hair back from my forehead too, I love anytime he touches me.
"Come back to me. Come back to us." His voice sounds so desperate, so pained, it makes my heart clench. It's only been three days and he sounds absolutely distraught. Have I been diminishing how much he actually cares for me?
I heard him on day four.
"I'm crazy about you, baby. So I need you to come back, okay? I need you to come back to me so I can tell you how crazy about you I am."
Oh god. Is he serious? What the hell does that mean? He's crazy about me? Does that mean... could that mean he likes me? Maybe? Hopefully?
Would it be an asshole move of me to stay asleep longer and see what he says? Probably. Am I gonna do it anyway? ...Yeah.
It not like I'm sleeping, it's more like... my body is stuck in a sleeping state and I have the power of waking myself up. I'm just choosing not to.
But back to the topic at hand- Elias. He said he's crazy about me... and he also knows that I can hear him... does that mean-? Does that mean he wants me to know how he feels?
What does all of this mean?
Later that night when he pushed the hair back on my forehead and kisses the crown of my head goodnight, I felt something inside me change. Maybe I should wake up... maybe I should hear what he has to say.
Maybe... just maybe.
And I heard him today.
"Tell me you hear me, baby. Show me that you can hear me, that you're here with me and that I'm not going crazy." His voice sounded breathless and stressed.
I could imagine why. I heard yelling only a few minutes before, but I couldn't make out the words.
There's a misconception when people hear 'they can hear you.' Yes, we can hear you. But we can't hear. Every. Single. Fucking. Word. You say. We hear bits and pieces, we hear muffles and sometimes it sounds like we're drowning. It sounds like when you're underwater and you can hear people around you talking. You know they're talking, but you can't make out the words.
But sometimes I'm lucky and I can hear exactly what he's saying. But luckily I couldn't hear what he was screaming for. I feel sorry for the poor bastard who was on the receiving end of that.
(A/n: y'all she got selective hearing fr fr-)
Which brings us to where we are now.
I feel weird. Like my body feels lighter after hearing his voice. The stinging I felt in my belly isn't there anymore, the throbbing in my head isn't there anymore... the feeling of weights on my body isn't there anymore.
I feel lighter, everything feels... easy in a sense. I feel fine. I feel strangely okay.
But he isn't okay. I can tell by the way he's sighing frustratedly, by the way he's rubbing my forearm with his thumbs for dear life. Not gonna lie, it feels good- like a small massage. I would like it even more if I couldn't hear the anguish in his voice.
He wanted me to show him that I'm here, that I can hear him.
I can hear you, Elias.
Using extreme force, I lift my shaky finger upwards, hoping that he takes that as a sign.
If anything he just sighs louder. "I need something more, baby. I need you to tell me you hear me."
You want me to wake up now?! But I'm so cozy like this... I like laying here and not doing anything.
A faint beeping is heard and I can only guess that it was his phone. I feel some shuffling from his hand that's on mind and u hear him grunt. "Ma just picked up Angelica," he murmurs.
She was here? When? Did she hear who he was yelling at?
It's almost like I can see him shoving his phone back into his pocket and taking my hand back in his grip. He lets out a pained groan, "I'm tired of this, baby." Oh come on, man, don't call me that. You don't know what it does to me. "I'm sick of this. I need you to wake up, I need you here with me. I feel like I can't fucking breathe knowing you're like this."
Really? Me being unconscious does that to him? Am I really unconscious if I can form thoughts and hear him though...? Maybe I'm going through a medical sleep paralysis thing.
But I digress. I don't know what to do. I like being like this, I like being asleep without a care in the world... but I also know that I have to get back to reality at one point or another.
Maybe I should wake up.
_______________________________
I have no fucking clue what time it is.
I can only assume it's hours after Elias told me Angelica left. After that point- and some debating- my brain felt weird so I decided to just... go to sleep? To stop hearing people? I don't know what to call it, but I know it felt like I was sleeping.
Those hands that I've come to adore so much smooth back the baby hairs that are probably all over my forehead, and I feel his lips press onto my skin. "Time to sleep, baby. Gotta get ready for bed."
Wait- wait right now?!
He does this every night, he kisses me on the forehead and either tells me it's time to go to bed or that he's going to sleep. But I don't want him to go to bed. Not yet.
Come on, Alex. You can do this.
Open your eyes. Open those eyes, dammit.
My right hand- that I would assume is connected to the heart monitor- shakes as I conjure up a tiny clenched fist, but the weight of the tiny object on my pointer finger makes it difficult.
Wake the fuck up, already.
A tiny line of bright light shines in the middle of my eyes. So close.
Open your fucking eyes. Stop being lazy and open those eyes goddammit.
My fist clenches tighter, to the point where I can feel my fingertips brush against my palm.
The distant noise of shuffling clogs my ears and I nearly cry in frustration.
I'm doing it, Elias. I'm trying.
The bright, blurry hospital light beams in my eyes as they flutter open slightly. Goddamn that hurts. I blink a few times with success to try and rid myself of the blurriness.
I did it! I opened my eyes!
I nearly groan at the slight ache in my neck and the absent feeling of his skin makes me muster up a frown. Where is he?
My head inches downward due to the hospital bed having me in a slight sit-up position. Damn, my neck hurts. My eyes flutter slightly and- holy shit.
Elias has tattoos.
Elias... has tattoos.
ELIAS... has... TATTOOS!
The beautiful imagery of vines and flowers spread across his upper back. When his hands go over his head to put on a grey wife-beater, I get the view of spider webs sitting on one of his shoulders and a quick look at his upper arms filled with patchwork.
Elias has tattoos.
The sweet boy- my sweet boy. The one that I've known for nearly two months now has tattoos.
Since fucking when?!
But that's not the only thing.
...He's JACKED!
RIPPED!
I didn't know it was possible for a boy his size to be so... muscle-y.
He always wears sweaters or something that hides his figure, so to the public eye, everyone probably thinks he's tall and lanky- like a noodle.
NOPE!
Oh sweet lord have mercy. His back muscles flexed as he put on his wife-beater, and his arms. I had a feeling he was muscular whenever I felt his thick, veiny arms wrap around my waist, his large hands that were always accompanied by rings was another indicator.
But holy fucking shit. Seeing it... is just... wow.
It's from working on those cars so much.
I want to ask him if he was crafted by a fucking Greek god with that body, but I don't. Instead I ask-
"You have tattoos?" I croak.
To say he could've gotten whiplash from how quick he turned around would be an understatement. He dropped the pair of pajama pants that were in his hand and his warm beige skin color paled immediately.
Oh sweet Jesus, his biceps. Those delicious forearms that I love feeling against my skin flex very prominently as his initial shock to my words starts to kick in.
And it doesn't help at all that I can see his fucking six pack through the thin material of the wife-beater.
He looks yummy- stop.
Never did I ever think I could be so physically and mentally attracted to someone, but he proved me wrong.
All the fears I had when I was asleep wash away the moment I see him. I'll never understand how he does that, how he calms down the voices- my thoughts. Whenever I'm around him it feels like it's just us, just Alex and Elias in our own little bubble.
I just hope he feels the same way.
"Baby," he sucks in a sharp breath. I've heard him call me that many times and each time he manages to make me speechless with the singular word.
Those eyes. Those beautiful brown eyes that never fail to make my heart skip a beat look at me with so much shock, I see him shake his head as if he doesn't want to believe it. His eyes gloss over and I swear I can hear his heartbeat from here.
I give him a sloppy grin and wiggle my eyebrows. "Sup, Salazar," I chuckle.
I don't even have time to blink before he dashes over to me and cradles my head in his hands. His warm hands. He angles my head upwards and his hands squish my cheeks together slightly.
If I smile will I look like a pufferfish?
I smile just to see his reaction and he lets out a mixture between a gasp of relief and a laugh. I missed looking at him.
"Alex," he croaks. God, my eyes feel like they're about to water anytime he says my real name. But this time feels different. He sounds like... like he's worshiping me by my name alone.
He pressed the harshest kiss to my forehead that I never knew was possible and he mumbles against my skin. "I missed you so fucking much, sweet cheeks."
Ah shit, here comes the waterworks. My throat clears, "I missed you guys too," my voice is nothing but a whisper.
"Elias, water... please," I clear my throat. So I guess it's true what they say, your throats drier than than the fucking desert when you wake up for being in a coma.
He nods and takes a pitcher from the side of my bed where the heart monitor is. He pours the probably lukewarm water into a small cup with a straw, and brings the straw to my lips.
I suck the straw like one would suck dick on a good day- let me stop. And the warm water slides down my throat with ease. It tastes disgusting, but it was needed.
He takes the empty cup and moves it next to the pitcher. He stares at me in utter disbelief before his hands come up to my face.
His hands move to my temple and he lands a soft kiss to my nose which crinkles at the sensation. A small giggle leaves me at the funny feeling which makes him crack a small smile as well. He holds my head tightly- like he can't believe I'm actually awake. His right hand creeps behind my head and he grabs the back of my neck tightly- but it doesn't hurt seeing as how he's squeezing the sides of my neck. If anything- I almost want to laugh.
His left hand leaves my temple and he presses it on the pillow right beside my head, stabilizing himself. "You were asleep too long. Doc says it was because you didn't wanna wake up," anger flashes through his eyes and his nostrils flare. I don't know what to say to him. It's true, I didn't want to wake up, but hey, I'm here now aren't I?
"Elias-" I try to speak but he cuts me off sharply. "Don't you ever do that again, you hear me? I don't care if it makes me a selfish bastard, don't you ever do that to me again," his voice breaks at the end.
"Elias," I whisper. My eyes flicker to both of his and the amount of hurt in both of them is indescribable. "Can I... can I touch you?"
His eyes crinkle in confusion before he nods anyway. I try to lift my right hand but groan instead at its lack of compliance. My eyes move down to my hand and so does his. With more softness than I ever thought was possible from a man, he lifts my hand and looks at me as if to say where the hell do it put it?
My pointer finger that's currently holding the weight of this fat ass... button I don't even know what the fuck it is- quirks up slightly, inching towards his cheek. His eyes move down to the pathetic excuse of a finger and his lips curl up into a small smile. He presses my hand against his cheek and I feel him lean into my touch instantly.
"Elias... I'm sorry I caused you pain, but I'm not sorry I didn't wake up sooner." His jaw ticks and I brush my thumb against his cheekbone in a soothing manner. "I was so tired, so tired. I needed it. I couldn't..." I couldn't handle what they did to me after being free of it for what felt like forever. Even though it was merely a little over a week.
"I just couldn't. But I'm here now, and I feel okay. So can we focus on that?" I plead.
His jaw clenches even harder and I'm worried he'll hurt his teeth. He nods stiffly and I press my hand into his cheek firmly. "Elias," I scold. "Why is your jaw clenched?"
"Because I can't move past it. I can't fucking- Alex. I can't move on. I found you. Do you get that? I found you fucking beaten and bloody and you want me to move on? I can't..." he heaves. His chest shakes in anguish and so does the hand that's keeping my own against his skin.
"Okay okay okay," I press my left hand against the bed in a feeble attempt to move up on the bed. I wince since my muscles are sore and achy from them not being used for a few days. "But I'm here now aren't I? I'm awake, I'm breathing, talking, I'm touching you, aren't I? So everything's fine now, there's no need to be angry."
"I'll never stop being angry at what they did to you, baby. You can't ask that of me," he shakes his head. "I could fucking kill someone with all the anger in me right now."
I don't know what to say. I don't know how to feel. I just... I don't know right now.
"Show me your tattoos," I say as an attempt to change the subject.
His angry expression is now replaced with a wide smirk and a slow shake of his head. "Of course that's what you want. Alright then," he grunts and slowly slides my hand off his cheek.
The way he rips off the thin material of the grey undershirt should be a crime. A fucking crime. I also choke on my own saliva as he brings his hands behind his head and pulls up his shirt, bringing it over his head and placing it on the bed.
A beautiful yet odd collection is spread all throughout his upper body.
"This is Ma and Angelica's name," he points to his collarbone. "These are my fuckboy tattoos," he brings out his arms and flex's his biceps, grinning wildly. "And these are my parents birthday year... and then that's mine," he drags a finger down his sternum.
He's just- beautiful. There's no other way to describe it. His tattoos don't make sense when they're put together, but somehow he makes it work.
I wanna touch them.
"What?!"
Did I say that out loud?
His widened eyes and nervous finger-picking in front of his belly gives me my answer.
Shit.
"Y-You want to... touch them?" He choked out.
Eh, might as well. "Yeah."
He sputters and his cheeks tinge a light shade of pink. Pink. The same boy who threatened to kill someone over what happened to me is now standing before me with pink cheeks all because I said I wanted to touch his tattoos.
"Why don't we go to sleep instead?" He looks nervous as he moves to the other side of my bed where I'm now realizing a cot is set up at.
I knew he slept here, it was obvious whenever he would tell me it's time to go to sleep, but seeing it? It makes me want to just... kiss him.
I want to kiss him.
Voluntarily.
Oh my god, I really need to stop.
"Why can't you sleep up here?" I frown and look down at the bed. It's not like we haven't slept in the same bed before- well napped but you know what I mean.
His eyes frantically look around the room. "Are you sure?"
(A/n: Elias, baby, my love, she hasn't even touched you and your already trying not to get a boner- let me stop and get back to the story)
I am sure. I miss him, I miss his touch. I want him to make the voices go away. The voices that I can feel creeping up on me- I want him to make them leave. "I'm sure."
He shuffles over to my right side and lifts up the- black blanket? Wait this... this is the blanket from when we would nap in my car.
How am I just now seeing this?
Before he slides in beside me, he asks, "Does your body still hurt?"
I quirk a brow, "No?"
He nods to himself and slips into the twin sized bed. In one fluid motion, he pulls my body into his side and my hand flies to his chest. Our positioning resembles the first time we took a nap together in his bed while watching Shark Tale.
I hiss softly at the impact, only because of my achy muscles. His hand runs up and down my sides, "I thought you said your body didn't hurt?"
"It doesn't," I groan. "I'm just a bit sore."
He makes a look indicating that he doesn't believe me, but I ignore him. Instead, I snuggle into his warm body and sigh.
He shivers under my touch when my hand grazes his sternum. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah it's just uh- my tattoo, my sternum..." he groans.
I flatten my palms against his smooth skin and he shudders, his right hand shoots up to grab mine under the blanket. "Don't do that," his voice turns low and husky. "Baby you can't- fuck, you can't touch me like that."
His words make a certain part of me throb and I remind myself repeatedly that we're in a fucking hospital bed.
So instead, I move my hand and settle it on top of his, curling my fingers around his own and locking our hands together tightly. His chest rising and falling with every even breath.
He turns his head and kisses the crown of my head. "Sleep, Alex. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow."
What he means by that I don't know. But what I do know is this.
It didn't hurt when I moved. My... there. The part of me that's been abused throughout the years. It didn't hurt, not when I moved my leg onto his stomach.
It didn't hurt.
It didn't hurt.
_______________________________
He's freaking out.
Like... legitimately freaking out.
Elias decided that he wasn't gonna go to school today, seeing as how this is the first day since I woke up and he wanted to be there for support.
We woke up and everything was fine until he said he needed to call the doctor to let them know I woke up. So he basically stabbed the call button until someone said they're on the way.
So now we're waiting, and he's being fucking dramatic. He's more nervous than me.
I guess when you get injured so much in your life that seeing a doctor for an injury doesn't really mean shit to you.
Currently in sitting up on the bed, inspecting my nails in over exaggerated boredom. And Elias is pacing back and forth beside me with his arms crossed anxiously.
A small giggle leaves me at the thought of last night.
Apparently I had some breathing mechanism on my nose to help me breathe, and we didn't realize it until the second before we both fell asleep.
Hehehe.... Breathing.
The annoying sound of a frustrated sigh puffs out of Elias' mouth and I resist the urge to lean over and smack him.
"Elias, would you stop pacing?" I snap.
"I can't! I'm nervous, okay?" He defends, biting his nails.
"We'll calm down, I feel fine, I can feel my hands and feet so it's not like I'm paralyzed. All we really need is the discharge papers. So I can go home." I simplify.
There's a long pause since he stops in his tracks and blanks. "Oh, right. The discharge papers." He mumbled under his breath. "Well, remind me to take you guys home real quick so you can pack some bags." And he starts his pacing again.
Wait... wait-wait what?!
"What do you mean pack some bags?" I draw out curiously.
He nods as if it's so easy to understand. "Yeah, you guys will need some clothes. We had to take Mateo to Target to find something for him to wear for a few days so I'm sure he'll want his own clothes."
"What the hell are you talking about?" Now I'm getting a bit pissed. Why does he keep saying to pack me and Mateo some bags?
"Oh, did I forget to mention you're staying with me?"
What the fuck?!
He doesn't even look apologetic as he says it, like he's sorry that he made a decision for me. He's genuinely confused as to how didn't know this already.
"No, I didn't fucking know," my anger rises. I understand he's been taking care of Mateo and I'm grateful, but I'm fine now. I've been in way worse conditions and still managed to put clothes on his back and food in his mouth. I don't need to stay with him.
"We're not staying with you." I decide. That's too much- staying with him? Living with him for who knows how long he's decided... he'll no.
"Yes, you are-" He speaks calmly to me like I'm a small child. I'm not a small fucking child, I'm a grown ass adult who's fucking pissed because he made a decision for me and my son while I was unconscious.
"No, the fuck we're not." I yell. "I'm perfectly capable of taking care of my baby on my own, I don't need you guys to watch over me just because you think I'm hurting." I bite.
"I appreciate the fact that you and your parents watched over him, and believe me I will forever owe them my life for taking care of him-"
"-My parents and Mateo are coming over in an hour-"
"-But I don't need you to help me watch him anymore. And what about your parents? Did you even talk to them before making this decision by yourself-?"
"It was both of their ideas actually. They told me about it after they thought it through." He grins and saunters closer to me.
My mouth gapes and I stare at him disbelievingly, letting out a scoff. "We're not staying with you guys."
"Yes, you are-"
"No, we're not!" I yell with finality in my tone. "No, this is my decision, he's my son, and I will not have you deciding our living situation, just because you think I can't handle it." I snap at him with a small crack in my voice.
My chest heaves up and down and the heart monitors going off like crazy. I can feel my heartbeat on the side of my neck and I can hear it clog my ears. I swallow thickly to get rid of the dry feeling- and I just look at him.
He's smiling.
He's fucking smiling.
"What the fuck are you smiling for?" My previous attitude is still evident in my voice.
He walks closer until he's able to reach my hand and he picks it up with both of his hands gently. He smoothes out the skin of the back of my hand with both thumbs before giving it a sweet kiss. "Why are you...?" I breathe.
A wide grin spreads across his face. "You yelled at me."
My face pales.
Oh my fucking god... I yelled at him.
My mind goes fuzzy as the reality of what I just did settles in. Oh. My. Fucking. God. I just yelled at him.
I pull my body away from him and I recoil into the bed, "Elias, I'm so sorry, I didn't-" I rush out.
Oh god, oh god, oh god. My breath shortens and I gulp.
But all he does is smile wider and he grabs my hand once again. "No, this is a good thing."
How the hell is this a good thing?!
"What are you talking about?" I puff out small breaths through my nose so it's not obvious that I'm about to fucking hyperventilate.
I. Just... YELLED... at him.
"Because it means you trust me. You trust me enough to yell at me," he smiles.
(A/n: we need to recognize that this is a big milestone for Alex. She would never yell at another boy out of fear of repercussions, but she feels safe enough with Elias to let her feelings out. Even if she doesn't know that's what she's doing yet)
Silence.
Dead silence.
Not even a fucking bird, has the nerve to chirp.
I just look at him like he's a goddamn alien, like he's actually lost his mind.
"So... you're not... mad at me... for yelling at you?" My voice raises an octave at the last part.
There's no way he's not pissed off, not a chance in hell. No, he's fucking with me. He's gonna start yelling any second now.
He shakes his head and bites his bottom lip to contain his smile.
Any second now.
His eyes flicker between both of mine.
...Annnny second now.
"I'm not upset with you. I'm happy that you feel safe enough around me to yell at me." He smirks.
Is he insane?
"So let me get this straight," I sit up straighter and stare down at the bed in disbelief. "You're... proud of me... for yelling at you?" I squeak.
"Yeah," he shrugs like it's not a big deal. "I mean I wish the conversation would have gone better but I'm glad you feel safe enough to yell at me." A bright smile stayed plastered on his face as he tucked a few loose strands of hair behind my ear.
I don't get him sometimes. He's proud of me for yelling at him? What the hell?
"Also you called Mateo your son."
What?!
He lets out a belt cramping laugh- which lets me know that I did in fact say that out loud- and doubles over clutching his belly.
I stammer at his words. Great. I'm just fucking up continuously I guess.
His laughter dials down into a soft hearty laugh. "It's okay. It's cute seeing you go all mama bear."
Mama bear my ass.
I scoff and roll my eyes at him, turning my head away. "Okay but in all seriousness, sweet cheeks, we need to talk about where you guys will stay."
A sigh leaves my lips and I look up at him exasperatedly. "What's there to talk about? I don't need your permission or help to watch over him anymore-"
"It's not about that." He looks frustrated now. "I know you're capable of watching Mateo on your own. And even if I didn't, it's not my place to say anything about it. I'm telling you to stay with me because I want to watch over you." He clarifies.
Huh?
He must see the look on my face because he elaborates further. "I want to watch over you, to take care of you, I know you're more than capable of doing things for yourself, but you don't need to. I want you to let me help you. Please." He begs.
I eye him a bit skeptically. "Where will we sleep?"
"You guys will sleep in the extra room we have. It has fresh sheets and everything for the both of you."
I shake my head promptly and go to argue but he cuts me off. "Don't even say it. Alex, me and my family want to help you. Why won't you let us?" His forehead crinkles in confusion and worry.
Because I've always done things on my own. And I don't know how to accept help without feeling like a ducking burden. Like a problem.
I look down and fumble with the black fuzzy blanket and he sighs at my silence. "It's not like my house is small. You wouldn't be bothering anyone by accepting some help, baby." He whispers.
I clear my throat a bit and nod. Small traitorous tears collect in the corner of my eyes but I squeeze them shut to make them go away. Fucking tears.
The whole thing is sort of overwhelming. I've been to his house, I've napped with him, but staying with him? And for how long? Fear circles around my throat and it makes it a bit hard to breathe. Anxiety is a cruel mistress, and right now she's winning.
He pulls my head towards him and leaves a small peck at my temple, mumbling against me. "Don't worry about that right now. We'll figure it out later. Okay?"
I nod and sniffle. Stupid fucking emotions.
A small knock on the door alerts both of us and an old man walks through. He holds a clipboard in his hand and a small smile on his face. "Hello you two. Alex, lovely to see you awake and thriving."
Love this guy already.
He walks over to the foot of the bed and taps his clipboard with his pen, looking down at it. "Sooo I'm here to go over your injuries, results, I mean from the looks of it you're completely fine, but we just need to be thorough."
I nod and snuggle into the pillow behind me. "Lay it on me, Doc."
He chuckles at my attitude. "Well first things first- Elias." He looks over at the boy beside me in a slight scolding manner. Elias' jaw clenches at the mention of his name and his hand blindly tries to find mine on the bed.
"As we've discussed previously, you're not immediate family, but if Alex is okay with you hearing her results then you're more than welcome to stay." He calmly puts his hands up in a surrender manner and does it with so much ease that he gives off the vibe of I couldn't give less of a fuck if you stayed here.
Honestly I don't have anything to hide. I feel fine, and if Elias hears that then maybe he'll calm the fuck down. "He can stay." I nod.
Doc's eyes widen and he blows out some air. "Ooookay. Well, first things first, when you came in you had a broken jaw, two black eyes, black and blue face really. Whoever did this to you was ruthless." He winces and throws me a sympathetic smile.
I grit my teeth and nod at him to continue. "We had to reset your jaw, the only reason you don't feel it now is because we practically drowned you with morphine."
My jaw was broken? I had a black eye? I mean... my face was a bit sore but I thought that was just because I haven't talked for days.
He looks over at Elias a bit nervously and clears his throat rather anxiously. "Umm... when your boyfriend brought you in... you had blood soaked into your bra so unfortunately it had to go. Any procedure that had to do with your intimate parts, there was no male present. What I'm about to say is all based on the report my female nurses gave you." He states calmly.
Ignore the fact that he called Elias my boyfriend, I'm pretty sure if Elias said he was just a friend he wouldn't be allowed to spend his nights here.
I'm more focused on the bloodied bra part.
My heart races a bit quicker and the heart monitor gives it away. "Because of the bloodied bra, it was tossed aside and the nurses took a closer look. Unfortunately, your breasts were cut up and your torso all around had some pretty deep wounds. Given that it's only been five days, I'm surprised you're feeling fine, but it's not uncommon given the amount of drugs we have you."
All the air gets sucked out of my lungs. How did I not feel these when I was moving around last night?
"W-Wait but I don't understand," Elias speaks up. "You never came in here to dress her wounds. I was here every day and you guys never came in here," his voice raises and it's clear he's getting angry.
The doctor says without shame. "We tended to her wounds whenever you left for school, when to see your family, even when you left to shower. We worked around you." He says rather simply.
I can hear the tick in Elias' jaw but the doctor keeps going. "Now what I'm going to do for this next part is bring in our nurse that did this next procedure." He smiles but it holds immense pain and regret.
He opens the door and in walks a short, rather professional looking woman. Seems to be in her mid-30s. She smiles and gives us a small wave. "Hello, I'm Nurse Zavala. I'm the one who did the procedure."
I look between both of them and my anxiety rises. My palms start to sweat and a horrible thought comes into mind. "What procedure did you do?" I whisper.
The both look between each other rather solemnly and the doctor brings his hand over to Elias. "We're going to step out now."
"What? No," Elias looks at me with confusion.
Oh god, they did it didn't they.
"Son, unfortunately for this part you will need to leave the room or security will be called." He says sternly.
His hands clench at his sides and you can see his chest rising and falling with pure anger. His face turns bright red as he looks over at me with an expression that can only be described as a mix of agony and concern.
He cradled my head softly and kisses my cheek. "I'll be outside, baby." I hate how pained and hoarse his voice sounds, but I don't want him here right now.
He storms out the room and the doctor follows behind him. Leaving just me and the nurse.
The tears that I've tried so hard to keep back regretfully fall as I turn my head to look at her. "Tell me what you did. I already know, but I need you to say it." I bite out.
A look of sorrow passes through her face. "Sweetheart, we performed a rape kit on you."
Fuck my fucking life.
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7789 Words! (4/17/22)
uhhh hi?
it's makes me a bit sad that not as many people read chapter 17, I was a bit happy with it but if there was something that you guys didn't like I would love feedback in order to improve
Was it because Alex didn't wake up? Or were most of you guys waiting to read chapter 17 and 18 together and that's why the views are low.
I know it seems petty to worry over views but I don't want you guys to disappear. The views tell me who's reading and if barely anyone is reading, it makes me wonder if the content I'm putting out isn't... appealing? If that makes sense.
So yeah just let me know.
I hope you guys liked this chapter! In my opinion it wasn't my best, I'm not too happy with it. Maybe it's my writers insecurity but I personally felt like it could have been better.
I feel like it was a bit all over the place, but I gave you guys a time frame in which the chapter would be put out so maybe that's why it's a bit rushed.
Also I'm sorry it ended on a cliffhanger, this chapter is already like, almost an hour late and it was getting really long so this is the ending I chose.
PLEASE REMEMBER! ALL THE MEDICAL SHIT IN THIS CHAPTER IS MADE UP!
This is a pretty boring authors note. My apologies.
I love how interactive I am with you guys though... sometimes it feels like I'm actually talking to you. Does that make me seem weird? Maybe.
Also I just saw that someone put my story in their reading list and it says they joined wattpad 4 hours ago... it also says they added my story to their reading list 4 HOURS AGO!
So maybe they downloaded wattpad just for my story or maybe it's a coincidence I DONT KNOW but it makes me happy that my story was the only one on their reading list.
Vote, PLEASE COMMENT! And share with your friends!
Love ya <3