Doe's POV:
Another day and still no letter inviting him home.
At this point, it felt like the two of us were just waiting around for that letter to come so we could get the hell out of here.
Getting out of here did feel like somewhat of a next step for us- or just me.
Finally leaving everything behind for good and moving on.
I reached my hand down into the bowl beside me, plucking a blackberry from it before tossing it into my mouth, glancing up from this vastly outdated brochure Xander had found of his territory.
He carefully balanced his full glass of blood as he maneuvered himself back onto his side of our bed, taking a long gulp before relaxing his back into the pillows.
He'd actually asked me before he ordered it where he wanted me to get his blood source from today.
'I'm gonna need blood here soon, so should I order it, or is it gonna be yours,' he so cheekily wondered.
And just for that, I told him to just order it.
Okay, maybe it wasn't just for that...
These hickeys were still very prominent and the thought of having him so close to my neck again caused a tingling in my stomach.
It wasn't nerves, that much I knew.
It was almost warm, yet caused me to shy away and pull a much more potent heat into my face.
For now, I'll just plan on letting him feed on me tomorrow and just hope I figure it out from there.
"So," he breathed out, taking a few more sips from his glass, "Thought of any more things you wanna do? Or put some other things on your bucket list yet?"
He'd explained that term to me earlier, but just like before, I still didn't have much of a clue on what to put on it.
"I was kind of waiting till we got to your place to start figuring that out," I admitted, "I only had like two things on it, to begin with."
"Which were?" he pushed.
"The guitar, which is already covered" I paused, chewing on another blackberry, "And losing my virginity was on there for a minute, but I guess with this whole 'citizenship' thing, I've got time to work on that."
Even if I didn't completely like what other things that citizenship might entail, I wasn't just going to deny an extension on my life.
There was a silence after my open answer, which I filled by snacking on more of this fruit.
"Really," He finally filled the silence, sounding surprised, "I thought what with how you grew up, you'd just kind of be indifferent about that sort of thing."
I shrugged.
It's true. Given how they taught it to us, I did feel that way for a little bit.
I'd accepted that sex was just going to be something that I experienced one way or another. Whether it be with the one who purchased me, or just with someone else if I were to get returned to the mistress I grew up with after I turned twenty-five.
In some kind of twisted way over time, it made me curious.
"I used to be. Since It was brought up as something expected from me, but they said there was a small chance that I would find it enjoyable, so I just want to at least experience it once, and then make my own deduction from there. It is... natural after all so..,"
I sighed, laying my head back against the headboard.
This wasn't something I'd ever talked about before, let alone thought over for that long, so it felt strange to say out loud.
I didn't have much time to think about these sorts of things back when Layla was an issue.
It made me realize how choppy these thoughts of mine were and how I truly didn't know how to properly explain them out loud.
"Even though it's supposed to be uncomfortable and painful, " God, he probably thinks I'm weird for wanting to try it even knowing that, "But it's what I was literally brought up to do so I at least want to tr-"
A loud crack caused my sentence to pause, eyes rounding as I spotted the source.
The glass he was holding now had a few distinguished cracks running up the side where his fingers were.
I could see how hard his jaw was clenched on his otherwise straight face, but there was a certain sharpness to his eyes that reminded me of the look on his face when he last interacted with Layla.
He blinked and it was gone, as if noticing what he had just done to his cup snapped him out of it.
He threw the rest of the contents of it to the back of his throat, finishing it off before the cracks allowed the blood to make a mess, and set it on his nightstand.
"Well, if that's the case," He began, scooting close enough to where he also had access to my bowl of berries, "If you want. I could do it."
My eyes hooded at the quick switch in disposition first then at his words.
"What? Have sex with me?"
"Mhm," he replied simply as he stole my food.
I chose not to focus on the sudden pressure in my chest as his immediate acceptance.
Instead, I just continued to eye him, searching his face for some sign of something and only being met with innocence
"Why," The word came out slow, almost cautiously, not because I disagreed with the idea, but I honestly couldn't tell in this moment if he was being serious.
This topic wasn't something that got brought up that much if at all between us.
"Because I think that I'd be good at it," was his casual reply, "I know you. So I'd like to think that I know your limits. I'd know how to make it fun."
Fun?
That wasn't a word that ever got brought up during my classes.
But he said it with such confidence.
I looked him over, letting myself consider it for about three seconds until he started talking again.
"Plus vampires are known to be... better at it than humans," he concluded with a badly-suppressed smirk.
All I'd heard from that standpoint was just that vampires were harder to please.
But the way he said it made it sound like it was for my sake.
Which made me more confused and intrigued.
"It sounds to me like you want to have sex with me." I snapped back, trying to overpower the sudden confidence he was radiating through his casual exterior.
It was his turn to shrug.
"I'm just simply giving you an option. In the end, it's for you to decide if you want to take it. I don't know how comfortable you are with how much touching would come into play with that."
I was almost completely fine with most touching as long as it was from him, but I didn't know if right now was the right time to admit that.
My knees bent and pressed together with the more I thought about it, still denying the heat rushing up to my face.
It felt strange how open he was talking about all of this, but it was obvious that I was the only one who felt like that.
"My personal opinion is that if you want to do it just for the experience, it should be with someone who will make it a good one. Someone you trust and who would play it in a way that both sides are comfortable with."
"And how would we play it?" the question fell from my mouth a little too fast and without my total consent.
But... I did want to know.
He pondered for about five seconds.
"My way with your rules."
"My... rules?"
A nod.
"You tell me what you want and don't want to do, and I'll guide you from there." he calmly explained.
I had a choice in the matter?
My heart was pumping way too fast for what seemed normal.
A lot of what he was saying didn't add up to the thing I was priorly taught.
My limits, fun, comfortable, trust...
None of these things ever came up, and he was just saying all of it like it was completely normal.
I've begun to see that what I was taught wasn't always the truth but... why was this so vastly different?
I looked him over once again, that swirling in my stomach taking me over.
"You sound like you've thought about this before," I mentioned.
Those were the words to finally break that easy-going exterior, eyes going wide, and his lips parting.
Over the quiet seconds, a red tint came over his face.
"Well, I am now!"
I surprisingly found myself laughing at the panicked tone his words held.
It blew away the small number of nerves that had grown just from the fact that we were talking about this.
And he was approaching it with such straightforwardness.
It reminded me that even if he does have the ability to gain seriousness as well as some confidence, it was still just Xander.
It was a rare sight to see, though happened more often these days.
That confidence... It looked good on him regardless of how much it threw me off sometimes.
It was nice to see that at least that hold she had on him was getting released.
He came down from his quick embarrassment, easing himself back to how he was with a deep exhale.
"Look, I'm not trying to convince you one way or another, but if you want it, the option is yours to take whenever. I'd be willing-," He stopped, shaking his head, "I want to be the one to show you what it's really like, but I'm in no way trying to sway you one way or the other."
I knew that he was telling me the truth, even more so from the sincerity and careful way in which he now spoke.
I think already knew my answer but didn't know why I was hesitating to accept it.
The thought of it caused some very interesting reactions from me, but none of them were unpleasant or built into something negative.
I trusted him, I really did.
The more I truly thought about it, I don't think I'd be fully comfortable if it wasn't him.
When imagining it prior, the other person always just had a blank face, and my physical reaction was far different than what it is right now.
Ironic how it was going to be the person who initially purchased me, but this felt deeper than just that.
It was a bit jarring just having him offer out of the blue, but the more I thought it through, the more appealing it was beginning to sound.
My entirety was in agreement, and the fact that it all came together so quickly was truly interesting to me.
Even so, I wasn't sure if I could manage to describe that to him in all its finer details.
But I was working on it. I swear I was it just... it's a hard habit to finally break out of.
This vulnerability thing was new to me, but he's been nothing but supportive and helpful whenever it did manage to slip out.
Still... I should try.
"Thank you, Alex," I spoke softly, watching him perk up at the name, "I'll um- I'll think about it."
The heat on my face was beginning to be unbearable and unavoidable.
"I-I mean. Yes, I do want to take you up on the offer, I just don't know if now is the right time."
His soft chuckle caused me to raise my head towards him, immediately being met with a large hand on my head, ruffling up my hair.
"You pick the time, dove," He alleviated, "It could be a year from now for all I care, or you could change your mind entirely which is fine too."
Yeah... I had a very intense feeling telling me that I wouldn't be changing my mind and that I also wouldn't be waiting a year.
Maybe after we move. After we've left this place behind completely.
But for now, I just nodded, feeling his hand shift to the side of my head in an invitation to lean on him.
I moved the bowl to the other side of my body and discarded the brochure before scorching closer and setting my head on his shoulder right under his jaw.
My heart was still beating wildly as I reached my hand around his neck for some kind of hold, fingers grazing over his skin.
His hand fell down to my back to idly rub there, easily pulling my relaxation up.
This damn invitation better come soon...