!W! Use of strong language and mention of violence.
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"A Silver Angel."
"What!?" The cave walls echoed with the astonished chorus of the group, eyes bulging and mouth hung open. Curious eyes stared at the elder man, while, their heartbeats sliced through the superseding silence.
"But... Alec's a Silver Angel." Izzy broke the stilling discomfort. "How's this possible? He says he can't do anything. That he feels helpless."
"And I can feel that," Jace added in a low voice, hand reaching out to his parabatai rune.
"But isn't he a gifted one though?" Simon asked, "I mean maybe it's not him but that other Silver Angel he's leaning the control from."
"Angel Amberosa?" Rosette's brows scrunched to form a deep crease. "If she had known this all along then why not help him before? Alec had a telepathic connection with her, right?"
"Because Angels work in mysterious ways, don't they?" Stefan said in a bitter tone.
"Higher beings' mysteries are to help their followers discover the right path, their true potential, my children," Simasua said, his soft, entrancing voice vibrating through the stone walls around them. "And gifted beings are as powerful as their true possessors. They just take time to orient themselves into it. If the daughter of the moon has abstaining information, there has to be a motive."
"I'm sorry, Simasua, but the motive of what?" Izzy's voice trembled as she fisted her hand on the cusp of other. "Our family is in danger. People have died. There's a greater threat haunting over the world. Is this not enough for the higher beings to get involved?"
"If everything would've been in the hands of greater beings, our creation would have never occurred, my child. As I said before, every power has limitations. And when those limitations are tested, it results in wrath and destruction. We blame the creators to calm our own demons, but the truth is, this world is not theirs, it's ours and we are responsible for what happens on it.
Their duty is to guide us. Ours, is to protect what they have provided us. Higher being's duties are not confined only to us. They are the rulers of their own world- moons, heaven, hell, and a world beyond that isn't meant for our eyes and mind to witness. We, as a breed of magic, have the power to see beyond the shadows but even we are restricted to go beyond the dawn of earth. Some mysteries are better left on their own, my children. In the hands of the greater powers."
A layer of silence settled between them as the group exchanged looks. "So," Simon broke the ice, "what's the motive here? Alec had no idea he was capable of it. He's waiting for us to return and give him information."
The old man's golden eyes shimmered as a thoughtful expression crossed over his chiseled, young face. "Ask your friend to be present here within half an hour."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alec's racing heartbeat rang in his ears and head so loud that nothing else got acknowledged, neither the swoosh of the closing portal behind him nor the roaring wind tearing the trees off its roots. All he acknowledged was the silhouette of his friend standing at the mouth of an ancient cave.
"Rose!" His legs trembled as he sprinted in her direction. "Rosette, Magnus!? Is he here? Is he safe?"
"Alec, slow down. We don't know anything yet."
"What!?" Sweat trickled down his forehead despite the strong wind gushing right into his face. "What do you mean? Then why-"
"It's you can find him!"
"Wh.. what? Me? But I... Rose, what are you talking about? I don't...."
"Just come with me, Alec. Simasua wants to see you." Clueless as to what, or who she talked about, he followed her into the depth of the narrow tunnel that was lit up with the flambeau placed in every fifth step on their way.
As they reached a small temple-shaped part of the long trail, he noticed that all his friends and family were pacing in the area and a tall man was standing in the center of it, eyes closed and lost in a trance. His long hair was flowing all around him and in the center of his forehead was a third eye, pupil slit like that of a dragon's and blinking every five seconds.
"Simasua, he's here." Rosette said and everyone's attention turned towards him. The man slowly lifted his eyes, his gaze fixed as if searching for his soul, sending shivers down Alec's spine.
"Son of Amber, the ultimate protector. Come stand between the marked stones, my child." Biting his lip as curious and worried eyes bore at him, he obliged to the man's command.
"What's going on?" He asked in a low voice as he situated his legs right beside the crescent-shaped stones.
"We've been told that only a silver Angel can search those other worlds." Stefan said in a flat tone, "and that Angel Amberosa has been hiding stuff from you."
"What!? But... I don't know how to..." He trailed off, miniaturized wings dithering to snap open. Something about that place, that man was making his skin tingle. He couldn't understand the feeling, but every part of his body surged with a wave of immense power, threatening to explode.
"I see fear in your eyes, uncertainty. But above everything else, guilt and self-doubt." Simasua's voice vibrated through the cave as a tornado of gold dust rose from the ground, swirling around Alec's body and slowly rising higher. "Your soul is restless. You, my child, are detached from within."
"What... what do you mean?" Alec's voice cut through the whoosh of the tornado, the dust touching his skin evaporating into thick fog, slowly settling around them.
"You see the fog, my child? It's the amount of negative aura you have within you." Gasps echoed around them as Alec's eyes trailed at the clouds of thick fog over their heads. "Negative doesn't always have to be evil, my children. It can convey much more, and in your case, it's your insecurities, self-doubts. You're scared, of hurting your loved ones, aren't you, my child? You're scared of yourself. Of these powers. You never wanted them, you needed them to save your husband. To fulfill his wishes.
And now you don't know what to do with them, how to handle them other than cherishing your loved ones with it. But your soul, it knows better. It yearns for fulfillment that you're unable to provide. That's why it's restless. Deep down, you regret your choices, don't you, my child?"
"I..." Alec's gaze fell to the ground as tears stung at the edge of his eyes. Whoever that man was, he certainly had the power to read his mind because nobody knew how he truly felt. He wore a mask, especially for his husband, the man he loved the most. In no way he wanted to convey that he regretted being immortal, regretted gaining powers that could destroy as much as they preserve. That would've broken Magnus in ways he didn't want to imagine.
"Alec? Is... Is this true?" Jace's voice reached his ears but he didn't have the courage to face their pitiful looks.
"Big brother?"
"Let go and nourish what you've got, my child."
"H..how?" Slowly lifting his head as tears fell on his face, he dared to look into those mysterious golden eyes that held a weirdly calm gaze. "What... what if I destroy everything? Hurt.. you all? I... I don't know..." He trailed off as his knees gave out and he fell on the ground, eyes still transfixed at the older man.
"Oh big brother, I never knew you felt that way. Why didn't you ever say anything?"
"Izzy's right, Alec. You should've talked to us, talked to Magnus."
Their voices faded as the tornado around him transformed into clouds of thick fog, each displaying distorted memories related to his insecurities. From his fights with Magnus to the instances where he lost control of his powers and hurt the people around him. Jia's death, his family's, dad's death. Every memory that made him regret the decisions he made just because he wanted his husband to be happy. "Stop! S..stop! Why are you making me relive them?"
"Because you're holding onto things you can't control. You need to let go and embrace what you have, your powers, your loved ones. Fear is what makes you doubt your worth, my child. You don't understand what you're truly capable of."
"And that is?" Alec asked in a bitter tone. The fog around his body dispersed and settled around them, slowly growing thicker and denser, leaving no room for anyone to breathe or walk. "Destruction? Killing? Hurting the ones I love? Putting them in danger? Failing in everything I do? I'm only capable of nothing. I don't deserve this.. this status, these powers. I don't know what to do with them."
Tears fell freely on his face as he glared at the older man. The wings carefully tucked into the wingscars fluttered impatiently, silver magic settled over his fingertips threatening to escape and blast the ground beneath his feet into pieces.
"You know. Deep down you know, my child." Simasua said in a calm voice. "You're the protector of the earth, The Creator, as they say. But above all that, you're a true leader. A pure soul is much stronger than an evil's, and not because they're pure, because the possessor lives on their emotions rather than powers. If emotions make you weak, that's the strongest trait one can ever have.
Having emotions and insecurities help you to grow and find your true potential. And that's what you need, my child. Look within, you'll see that these powers always belonged to you, one way or the other. Your mind is unsettled. Calm yourself and search. You are meant to create a history, be an exemplar for the people that stand by you. Close your eyes and look within yourself, my child. The more you accept yourself with your flaws, embrace your powers for what they are, the sooner these clouds will clear and show you your path."
A deep, heavy sigh left Alec's nose as he closed his eyes, not knowing what he was looking for. Slowly, everything around him faded and his racing heartbeats throbbed in his head, but they settled when a flash of his husband's smiling face appeared in the pure blackness. Magnus, he needed him.
"Calm down, my child, and believe in yourself. Look within." A calming, divine voice echoed in his head. How was he supposed to be calm when his husband needed him?
I'm not okay if you're not okay.
Magnus. His voice.
I love you, darling. Now and forever. Nothing can separate us. Not anymore.
The day after Magnus gained his wings, his increased powers due to his mistake. But that man never complained. He embraced them, consequences be damned.
Never feel guilty for the things you can't control, you hear me?
You always do it, suffer in silence, or physically hurt yourself. I'm here for you now, darling. I'm your husband, remember?
The more those memories in his husband's melodious, calming voice echoed in his head, the more his body turned into feather as if flying in the air. He no longer had a fleeting urge, and his powers, they flowed through his blood, slowly, reaching every corner of his body. Everything was lighter and the darkness wasn't evil any longer.
At the far end of that darkness was a bright light, gradually moving and blanketing the darkness. Alec wasn't sure what it was supposed to mean but soon, a wail of a child filled the surroundings, a very familiar wail, his. Soon after, the bright light replaced with visual memory, of him crawling towards his sleeping mother and... stabbing a deforming demon beside her bed with a small arrow and doing that action again and again, as if trying to play without understanding what just happened.
The hell? How does he never know about that? Did he really save his mother's life when he was small? As the vision faded, another vision replaced it, of him consoling Izzy after her favorite toy broke. It was when she had started speaking and her first words as she calmed in the cradle of his arms were... Awwec. The name she gave him in that very moment meant a lot to him more than he ever cared to admit. She was his little princess after all.
The next flash was of, him and Jace, in a battle, well several battles where he didn't just save that asshole's life he led the group without even realizing. They listened to him not only because he had been right but also because of the authority in his tone, which he never acknowledged. Was he really meant to be a leader?
Another flash, this time it was the three of them, him, Jace, and Izzy in the training hall, practicing when another group of kids bullied him. He had always been the shy, quiet one, thus, an easy target for bullies. His siblings took over that fight, trying to shield him but those kids never stopped. Looking back, did he really need to be protected? If he did, for what?
The figures in front deformed and another vision replaced, this time it was a mundane building, a mall and his parents were purchasing stuff from a small shop. He was there too, a two-year-old him in his mother's arm, looking at every single thing with curiosity. But what caught his attention was a small girl, older to him but ten times shyer than him and holding onto the pant of a man, her dad he presumed.
"It's okay to be shy, Dalia. There's nothing wrong with it. Dada's introvert too."
"What's intoverrt?"
"Introvert is when you don't like being around too many people. You prefer quiet over loud, you don't like to talk much and it's totally okay, honey. It's a type of personality and nothing to be ashamed of, okay? There's nothing wrong with you, so if someone says you bad things, you don't listen cause those people lack understanding and common sense, unlike my queen who's verry smart. Right?"
The child giggled as the other man picked her in his arms. Alec's eyes were still fixed on that child, trying to understand why she giggled that way but those words were too much for his tiny brain to understand. The images started to fade once again and Alec wondered whether his parents heard that conversation or not? Because his whole life, he had been treated as if he was an alien, that's until Magnus happened. The rules of being an introvert certainly don't apply in the shadow world.
The next scene that replaced the last seemed familiar yet strange. The fire cackled in a hearth situated on the centerline border of a dark room that was only illuminated by its orange glow. In the center beside a big rocking chair stood almost five years old him, staring outside through the wide-open door with frightened hazel eyes. Why was he alone and what exactly was this place?
As he took a step towards the door, a blue wave of magic wrapped around a guy, a shadowhunter, slammed against the wall followed by several cracks, presumably of both the woods and his bones.
"You do not stride into MY house and try to put your disgusting hands on ME!" A very familiar voice roared and from that door entered a glittery warlock, cat eyes boring at the man on the ground.
Wait, Magnus? He had met him when he was a child? Why doesn't he remember it then and what's the purpose of this vision?
"Give me that child and we'll give you whatever you want." The man grunted while trying to stand. "He's a shadowhunter anyway. What will you gain by saving a shadowhunter? We'll give you anything, whatever you warlocks love."
"You've got a mouth." Magnus gritted his teeth and wrapped his string of blue magic around the man's throat. "For your information, shadowhunter or not, he is a child. A child! In no way am I handing him over to you. You bastards can rot in hell!"
"You're making a big mistake, warlock!" Rolling his eyes, Magnus snapped his fingers and a portal opened beneath his feet and sucked him in.
"You killed a man." Alec stumbled back, frightened gaze fixed at Magnus's cat eyes. Magnus's head jerked towards the child and a heavy sigh left his mouth.
"No boy, I sent him where he deserved to be. Now you," turning his full-frame towards Alec, he bent down, carefully reaching out to him. "Can you tell me how you even ran into those bad guys?"
"Nno!"
"Okay, then how did you get here, in the middle of nowhere?"
"No!"
"Fine, what's your name then?"
"Nnno!"
"Listen, Mr. Nono," Magnus held his tiny arms and dragged him forward, ignoring the struggle he made to run, "if you don't tell me anything, how am I supposed to help?"
"Don't want help!" He whined, "lemme go!"
"So that those bad guys can catch you again? Not happening, kid."
"They're shadowhunters, like my parents."
"Shadowhunters can be bad too, you know. And those guys did not have good intentions with you."
His eyes softened as he shuffled his legs. "But they said they will hepp me!"
"Help you? In what?"
"Punishing my dad."
"What!?" Magnus's jaw hit the ground. "You want to punish your dad? Why?"
"Being bad to mommy and yelling a lot."
"Is that why you ran?"
"Yess..." He said in a small voice.
"Look, child, those people were very bad and they would have done much worse than simply punishing your dad. And running like this isn't good either. You don't want to make choices that you'd regret lifelong."
"What's regret?" Alec bit his nail, looking into Magnus's cat eyes with curiosity.
"Regret is um... okay, say you wouldn't have run into my house and those bad guys would've gone with you to your parents. But instead of punishing your dad, as you wanted, they would've done something worse, like taking them to a prison or hurting them... um, killing them. How would've you felt? Would you have thought of making a different decision that could have saved them instead?"
Tears brimmed in Alec's eyes as he grabbed Magnus's shirt sleeve. "No! No, I love mom and dad. They're not that bad. I would have felt, very, very bad. No hurting mom and dad."
"So you would have thought of making a different decision earlier, right?"
"Yessss!"
"Now that feeling is called regret. You sometimes make choices that you wish to reverse but time doesn't work that way, right?"
"Yes. So those bad feelings never go? I don't want mom and dad gone."
"Look... Can I know your name now?"
"Nnnnooo!"
"Jeez, you're a stubborn one. Okay Mr. Nono, look I gave you a situation. A situation where you, my little fighter, had made a very bad choice, an irreversible choice. In situations like these, bad people do more bad things, but good people, like you, try to make things right, no matter how tough it gets."
"How?" He asked softly.
"Okay, say you want to punish those people who had hurt your parents. Now instead of crying and bottling the feelings you don't understand, you'd go to the adult shadowhunters, tell them what you did and ask for their help. Will they be angry at you? Obviously. But, Mr. Nono, accepting your mistakes and working on improving, and not making the same mistake again is a sign of how good your heart is.
Sometimes making the right decision is hard, but it's hard because it is always the right thing to do, no matter how bad the situation gets. Doing the right thing, say in that situation won't bring back your parents but it'll make you feel good about yourself that you put those bad people where they deserve to be. That's how you shape yourself, your personality. You can either be loved or hated, but what matters is whether you love yourself or not. That's the most important thing. To embrace what is in here." Magnus pointed at his tiny heart and a light smile crept on his small face.
"So I should embrace my heart?"
"Yes, Mr. Nono." Magnus chuckled, shaking his head at him. "Now, do you want to go back to your parents?"
"Yess!"
Smiling, Magnus created a portal then picked him up in his arms and placed his palm over his forehead, clearly erasing his memories and making up things to tell him how he got there. Just as Magnus stepped into that portal, the memory faded back into blackness, followed by more voices of his husband.
You should follow your heart.
You deserve it, to be a leader, it's natural in you, whether you believe it or not.
I've seen it up-close. I went to your wedding. You'll blow up the very ground you stand on to make something right.
These weren't just any instances, they were there to guide him. And if they were there to show him his true potential, it was successful. Not just he needed to let go of the choices he regretted, but also to find a way to make things better. He was immortal and he can't change that now, but what he can do is follow what his husband told his five old self. Do what's right.
He can't keep regretting and let it destroy not just him but everything, every person around him as well. He needed to accept the choices he made. Embrace what's within. He needed to find a way to embrace his immortality, his new powers instead of ignoring or using them to bring a smile to his husband's face.
He had no idea what else he could do with those but what's done was done. Now, he needed to focus on not fighting the evil but also to ensure that he'd find a true purpose for his new powers. He can't keep being scared of himself, that would make things worse than they already were.
A rush of strong waves ran through his body, and something clicked, like a right key opening a rusted old lock. He no longer had the heaviness over his chest, everything made sense, he felt complete.
"It seems you found your worth, your true potential, haven't you, my child?" The voice rang in his head. "You can slowly open your eyes now."
Obliging, Alec slowly lifted his eyes, there was a slight heaviness in them so he knew his glamor wasn't there. The world around him was bright yet calm. His wings were softly flapping beside him, but every single person except Simasua were staring at it as if they hadn't seen it before. "What?"
"Dude your wings..." Jace breathed out.
"What about them?"
"They're larger and... just look for yourself big brother."
A frown crept on his forehead as he tilted his head towards one of his wings when a mirror rose from the ground and the smiling old man stood beside it. As it reached its full height, gasp left Alec's mouth. His wings weren't just simple silver-tipped with very light gold at the edge anymore, they were now larger and had an intricate pattern with moon dust, sparkling like silver glitter. At the very edge of each feather had a dot of silver crystal, reflecting the sunlight and creating a light rainbow inside the cave.
"What the... I... Is... Is this supposed to be my real wings all along?"
"Certainly so, my child," Simasua spoke in a soft tone. "You were troubled, restless, but not any longer. Look above, the clouds are gone. As I said before, they will show you your path, just look."
Trailing his eyes over his head, he noticed that there wasn't the thick fog that was there moments ago, but a prism of rainbow colors that reflected from the bejeweled crystal on his developed wings. With every soft flap, the prism changed its shape and gradually a vision replaced that shape, a vision of Kasper stabbing and hurting Magnus and Magnus screaming and crying out for him.
"No! Magnus!" Alec's heart leaped out of his chest, wings twitching rapidly.
"Alec, what's wrong?" Jace asked.
"You can't see that?"
"See what?"
"The vision. Kasper... he's trying to kill..." He trailed off.
"By the angel! Did you see the location big brother?"
"No..."
"Focus, my child. The answer lies in the vision."
Taking a deep breath, Alec dared to look up. Magnus's blood-covered body was like a mockery from Kasper, instigating him to say those words but he wasn't weak, if he had any doubts they were gone. As his eyes moved, so did the frame and he realized that he could control the vision through his mind.
Focusing on the surrounding, he tried to zoom out, and soon, the whole land came into the view, along with the other world as well, in between the red moons of Saturn. Only if he hadn't been drowning in self-doubt, he would've found this earlier. As the vision faded, another vision came into view, the vision of a glowing silver flower in a land unknown to him.
Recrote Wlisebus, or the crystal flower of pain. Poisonous and deadly to any being that exists.
Angel Amberosa? Why didn't you tell me all this earlier?
My duty is to guide you, son, not be your savior. You need to be your own savior, your own person.
But-
We can't control everything, son, even if we are believed to be so. What I could control was a fragment of you, your child. So know that your child is safe and is trying to protect its mother as well.
You mean Mangus?
Isn't he its mother as well?
You're right. I apologize.
Accepted, son.
So, this flower you showed me a vision of? What is it?
The Crystal flower of pain. When its nectar mixes with any being's blood, it poisons and burns every nerve and core of its body. The pain that follows is unbearable. If the glow is separated, which is possible, it could help in purifying anything you need. How you are going to use this information, it's up to you, son.
But, how will I get this flower?
You know how.
"Alec, what's going on? You saw something else?" Daniel asked but he ignored it. Clasping his hands in front, he tried to memorize the flower that he saw in that vision not even a minute ago, and soon dozens of those flowers lay in his palm and beside his feet. A sigh of relief left his mouth when he opened his eyes. It was just a hunch, he wasn't sure if it would work, but it did. Clearly, he knew so little about the powers he possesses, but this time he was determined to learn every little detail.
"What kind of flowers are those and big brother, what happened?"
"Something that can put down Kasper for a while," Alec said, and audible sighs and gasps filled the surroundings. Looking up, the vision of the lifeless state of his husband flashed again and his heart constricted. "I'm coming, Magnus."