TW: SUICIDE MENTIONED
It had been over an hour since he'd dragged me back into the car. We were driving farther and farther from the city, near the coast. The sun had already reached its peak and was beginning to set, leaving behind a blood red sky.
I turned my head at Sukuna, his eyes were on the road. One hand firmly holding the wheel. He noticed my gaze.
"What do you want?" He muttered.
I ignored him and looked away. My eyes felt heavy... Hopeless. There was this sinking feeling in my stomach that hadn't seemed to go away since I'd found myself alone with him.
I'm going to die...
I'm going to die aren't I...
There really is nothing left for me...
I gazed out the window, enviously eyeing the care free passers-by on the side walk. We were nearing a beach... It looked so beautiful. The sun had painted the water in a peachy glow. Families packed up for the night. It was almost empty.
I got a horrible idea...
"Can you stop here?" I asked.
"Ah?" He croaked, cocking me an eye.
"I said could you stop here... I-..."
"You what?"
"I want some fresh air... At the beach." I said.
"This isn't a taxi y/n."
"Where are you even taking me anyways? I'm sure a quick stop won't hurt. I've already tried to run away and you caught me. I won't do it again. Even if I tried, you'd just catch me again."
"I'm not letting you out. Go to sleep and piss off, let me drive."
I sat up in aggravation, "I just want air. I've been in this stuffy car with you for the passed hour. And in case you didn't know, I hate you and I just want one second alone before I have to spend the next couple weeks with you Sukuna."
He clicked his tongue, "Fine. I'll let you get your fresh air. But don't think I'm doing this for you. I'm doing this for my own sanity. I know you won't shut up about this if I choose otherwise."
I sighed... "Thank you."
He pulled into the beach parking lot and unlocked the door. He sat the vehicle in clear view of the sea shore.
Before I opened the door he grabbed my arm, "Get all the fucking oxygen you need and come back. I'll be waiting here. Don't try anything stupid, got it?"
I nodded and he let go. I stepped outside and made my way to the shore. As soon as I touched the sand, I slipped off my shoes and held them by my side. It got colder as I reached the water.
Wind carried my hair across my face and whipped little specks of sand in my eyes. I plopped my sneakers on the ground and dipped my toes into the ocean. For a moment, I just stood there... Taking a deep breath, contemplating what I was about to do.
I was going to drown myself...
Sukuna would never have my life... He was an idiot to think I'd ever allow that. As I looked back, I saw him glaring at me from behind the car windshield. Dead, emotionless eyes. Black marks covering his face. The only plus side of dying, would be the fact that I'd never have to see him again.
I walked into the water, it felt like ice encapsulating my ankles. It was early October anyways.
The waves brimmed up my legs as I strolled in deeper. My jeans were drenched. It felt like my body was moving on its own. Of course I didn't want to die, but I really had no other choice. Either stay and get killed by Sukuna for some ritual, or kill myself.
The water had reached just above my waist when the waves started to crash more violently. Jerking my body around like nothing but a weightless pin. I submerged myself from the neck down and took a few more steps until my entire figure had been engulfed by water. I felt no sea floor below me and took one final breath before letting go.
I thought about everyone I cared about, my dad, my friends... If only I could've said goodbye. If only I could've avoided all of this...
If only I'd never met him...
Waves crashed over my head and I relaxed my muscles. Completely submitting myself to the ocean. It was silent, almost peaceful. The cold of the sea numbed my ears as I went under. I couldn't hear anything. My body had no weight. No worries. I was free.
The first to fade was my senses, everything went numb. I was light headed, the logical thing to do was go up for air but I wouldn't allow myself that pleasure. I felt like I was dreaming.
Slowly, my chest burned with the desire to breathe, my mind went into panic but, I only ignored it. The reality started to set in. I was on the verge of death. I couldn't feel anything, hear anything, see anything. It was like that weird paradoxical moment right before you fall asleep. Your body just sinks deeper and deeper until you forget your own shape.
I painfully allowed the water into my lungs... and let go.
However, that's when I felt him.
A rigid hand yanked me from the water in one pull. My eyes slitted open... It was Sukuna, he was soaking wet and screaming something at me.
That's when I realized I couldn't hear anything. I parted my lips but no words came out. I couldn't tell if I was dreaming. Everything was so dim and hazy. It sounded like I was still under water.
I felt myself being carried out of the ocean. I closed my eyes. I don't remember anything but laying in the sand with Sukuna hovering over me, pushing on my chest. I started to cough up sea water and regain consciousness. The first thing I felt was the freezing cold.
I looked up, right into Sukuna's eyes, he was drenched like I was. There was a level of stress in his face as he gritted his teeth.
"You awake?" He asked, his eyes were wide, hiding his anger behind a calm voice.
I nodded. Sand clung to my clothes and soaked into my hair. I just laid there uncomfortable, although I had absolutely no energy to move. Sukuna sat down next to me, resting his wrists on his knees and looking out into the ocean.
I was suprised he wasn't livid or yelling at me.
"You're an idiot." He said quietly.
"Thanks." I whispered, my voice was weak.
"This makes it the third time I've saved your life."
"Wow... do you want a cookie?" I chuckled.
"I want you to stop getting yourself killed if anything. You seriously have got a weird thing for dying."
"I didn't ask you to save me." I said in between desperate coughs.
"I don't care if you asked me or not y/n."
"Clearly."
There was a brief pause between us.
"Killing yourself... It's pathetic." He said.
"It's better than getting killed by you, Sukuna."
"No... It's not, actually. Have some fucking pride in yourself."
"Why would you even care?" I asked.
"Because you remind me of myself."
The air went cold, I gazed at him, wide eyed. He looked forward. Once again, just like that night on the roof, there was that strange, serene look on his face where I couldn't pin point what was going on in his head.
"How?" I said hesitantly.
Sukuna paused then parted his lips. "I've lived for a thousand years y/n. You don't think I haven't thought about killing myself too?"
"I thought a man like you enjoyed living forever."
He scoffed, "No one would enjoy living this long y/n."
"Not even you?"
"Definitely not me."
The wind swept passed us, my eyes rested on him. Why tell me this? He had no reason to. Sukuna was someone I could never understand even if I tried.
A strange silence sat between us. It was filled by the sound of crashing waves. My body shivered against the sand.
"Let's get out of here." He said.
I was still lying on the ground, I wasn't sure if I was even strong enough to walk. I think I was still in shock from my near death experience. Somehow, it was like Sukuna knew that as he scooped me up from the sand and into his arms, carrying me back to the car.
"What are you-?" I said, startled.
"Unless you want to walk on your own."
"No... I don't think I can."
His shirt was wet as the grooves in his chest poked through. I rested my head against him. I felt like I was about to fall asleep.
"I'm only letting you carry me because I'm tired alright." I said.
"You really are a princess huh."
"You're the one who keeps saving me like I'm one."
"Maybe you were a princess in some other life."
I felt his chest beat against my head when he laughed.
"If I was, I hope I had you jailed in the most vicious dungeons known to man."
"Been there done that, although the princess back then definitely wasn't you, she was quite ugly."
"It's rude to speak ill of the dead ya know."
"Then this will be our little secret."
"We keep secrets now? You make it sound like we're friends." I murmured, my voice still weak.
"We can be whatever you want us to be y/n. Lovers, enemies, friends, sex partners. You're going to die anyways so it doesn't matter."
"I choose enemies then..." I said bitterly.
"I would've chosen the last one."
"Shut up!"
"I'm just being honest."
I rolled my eyes. "No, you're just vulgar Sukuna."
"What would've been your second choice?" He asked.
"I don't have one, I'd never want to be more than enemies, I hate you after all."
"Oh c'mon, it could be much worse. I'm curious."
"Fine, I would've chosen friends."
"Then after that?"
I pursed my lips, Sukuna chuckled in the wake of my delayed response.
"I'm waiting." He laughed.
"Sex partners... Then lovers. Okay! Is your curiosity satisfied."
Sukuna glanced at me and smirked, "Yeah... it is."
"Don't look at me like that, it's gross."
"I'm just surprised at your choices that's all."
"Don't get me wrong, I'd never actually want to be intimate with you okay. I just hate the fact of being in love with you more. I'd never allow myself to stoop that low."
"But you'd allow yourself to fuck me."
This cocky little shit.
"At least it isn't an emotional attachment to someone like you." I said.
"Fair."
He placed me back in the passenger's seat and grabbed a random blanket from the back to wrap around me.
"Where are we going?" I asked as he tucked the fabric around me. The veins in his forearms flexed and rested.
"To my home."
❂