[Another chapter in the same month, as a treat XOXO]
Wednesday
Arthur was sleeping. Resting up after while Merlin paced around the room. He was glad he was sleeping, no questions would be asked that way. But gods Merlin had questions of his own. He needed to investigate further. Especially since Arthur started to see more visions before he had fallen into slumber.
Merlin eventually decided to call Leigh back so they could look at what new visions had come along. After all, she was the best choice. She was incredibly skilled in rendering the images of the mind. Hell, she often translated people's dreams just for fun. Everyone loved to see their dreams while they're awake and able to store a memory of them.
"What if he wakes up?" Leigh looked down at the blonde prince with worry then back at her own liege. "He won't. I'll make sure of it." Merlin walks over now to the bedside, awaiting for her to begin.
In just a few moments, those smokey whisps had started to spin around, filling with colour as he made up an image of whatever Arthur had been seeing.
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It was a sweet sight. A young Uther, about 18, rocked a one year old Morgana as he held her in his arms. He swayed back and forth whilst standing, something many parents did. Uther hummed a tune to her, this soft smile across his lips. He looked like he had just woken up, the room shown was dimly lit, indicating it was still night. He looked tired but what else can you expect when having a baby? Especially while being a first time Father.
This wasnt the man everyone knew. Sure, it may be Uther Pendragon, King of Camelot, but it was not the same man mentally. This was before all the anger. Before all the death and destruction. Before the world caved in for magic users. The man shown right now, rocking his daughter to sleep while he hummed her a lullaby, was someone few remembered. But he had been there.
"You know I'd really appreciate if you'd go to sleep easier for me. At least sometimes. Or maybe wake up when Samuel is nearby? I know you prefer him. Rather unfair if you ask me. I'm the one who feeds you all the time." His voice was a lot softer here. It had a certain warmth laced into it that could make anyone feel loved and safe.
It may come off a tad rude but he looked better too. Despite having just woken up. His blonde hair was a bit longer, sort of like Lancelot's after he had cut it. It had wave to it and looked well kept. His eyes carried brightness to them. His physique was a tad scrawny but he still had obvious muscle. His freckles stood out against his cheeks. They had faded a bit over time as age came. And one could suppose what made Uther look so well here was the fact that he was happy. Anger did not cloud him at this time as it normally did. It was oddly refreshing.
"He should be back soon. Then he can get you to sleep since you refuse it when I have you. And once you're asleep, I can go to sleep." Uther sighed and kissed her head, fixing the little cloth headband she had on her head. "You have such a head full of hair. Didnt get that from me, that's for damn sure. You didnt get a whole lot from me at all, did you?" He goes to sit down, "I dont mind. It's cute. I think even if you didnt look like one of us two, you would still be the cutest-"
Merlin couldnt quite make out what he had said at the end of that sentence, Arthur having stirred in his sleep, causing the connection to slip. He was sure it was just adding some sort of extra flare to the wording. 'Cutest little thing', 'cutest baby', things like that.
The connection came back as Arthur settled once again and Merlin could hear the little giggles of a young Morgana. "Oh good, you're back. I'm dying here. She keeps waking me up and wont let me back to sleep and you know she loves you cause you're naturally warm or something and-" Uther walked over to Samuel who had only just stepped into the room. "Woah, hey, its alright. I can take her for a bit. You know it's no problem. What am I meant to do? Sit around and watch you handle everything while you're stressed out of your mind? What kind of friend would I be if I did that?" He and Uther shared a laugh at that last sentence, some sort of inside joke laced in there. The way he said it told that much, anyway. "Right. Dont get to bed too late. I know you're a night owl but I'd actually like to see you during the day sometimes instead of you sleeping for half of it. I'm rather lonely when you're not there to keep me entertained." Samuel just rolled his eyes, "Since when am I your jester?" "Since you got such a funny face." He leaned forward and pressed another kiss to Morgana's head, watching her for a moment after to see her smile. "She loves you. Dont let yourself think otherwise. Just because she has trouble going to sleep when you try, doesnt mean she doesnt like you. Maybe she doesnt go to sleep because she doesnt want you to leave her side." The man rocked a bit to keep Morgana from fussing. "Yeah? Then how do you explain her going to sleep with you? She loves you too but she easily falls asleep in your arms." "Because I'm the one who let's her sleep on my chest. She knows you put her in her crib." He shrugged, starting to go out the door. "Wha- Ah- I'm afraid I'll crush her if she stays sleeping on my chest! I could roll over and she would be hurt! That's a very reasonable fear-- Are you even listening? Sam- Samuel! Dont walk away from me!" "What? Cant hear you! Too far away!" The man walked backwards down the hall with a mischievous smile across his lips. "Oh, you are such a prat-" Uther huffed, "I'm serious about not going to bed late! You've been exhausted!" With that, he went back into his room.
Oh yeah. Arthur and Merlin acted just like them. The resemblance in their bickering was uncanny. "Arthur is gonna have a lot of questions. He's protective over Morgana. So he'll wonder just how important Samuel must've been to be trusted with watching her alone." Merlin looked over at the blonde. Leigh didn't take her hands off his temples. "There's more. Different vision. It seems the more time passes, the more he gets." She focused her magic again, forming the new images.
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The scene was set with only Samuel this time. Uther was absent and he was walking through the castle halls when the little pitter patter of tiny feet came bolting towards him. A seven year old Arthur flung himself at the man, holding on tight. Merlin's heartbeat was loud in his ears though as Arthur spoke, a reply coming from Samuel. He couldnt even hear half of it, his own heart was so loud. But he sure as hell could read those lips. No. No, no, no. He can't have this vision. He can't hear that. He can't know. The exchange of words between them was so short, so simple, yet held a dangerous amount of knowledge. All it seemed to be was a little boy talking to someone he trusted. But it was still a hazard, even if neither knew it at the time the memory took place.
Merlin didnt even hear the next words, only saw Samuel pick Arthur up and ruffle his hair, walking with him down to the main square. "There has to be some way to erase that.." His breathing was getting heavy as panic set it. "Leigh, please tell me you can erase part of this vision." "I can't erase anything, Merlin. I'm not good at that. Memory erasure is tricky business, you could end up erasing vital memories if you try-" She warned him but Merlin was already taking things into his own hands. This was for the greater good. If Arthur ended up going back to Camelot with this information, the world would crumble around them both. Everything would be chaos. As much as he hated Uther and wished for Arthur to know of Samuel, to know all the great things he has done, Merlin knew it wouldnt do any good for the kingdom. They would lose their trust. They would fall into hysteria. They would be hurt. Just as much as Arthur would.
"Merlin, you dont know what you're doing." Leigh tried to stop him. His hands were already placed on Arthur's head though, eyes glowing bright. He focused in on that vision, trying to sift through other memories and the likes until he could get to what he was looking for. She was right. He couldnt erase it. He couldnt get rid of it and that frustrated him. Merlin knew he needed to take a different approach here. But his mind was racing and his hands were shaky and he was scared. "I'm sorry, Arthur." He came up with something, putting forth his strength into muting the words in the vision. And just like that, Arthur had the vision but not the words to go with it.
Merlin looked back at the image that still played in front of them. Just Samuel walking Arthur through the market. It was sweet. The man obviously cared a lot for these children. Cared a lot for Arthur and Morgana. Now the visions sound was dim. You could half hear it but that first part, Merlin had left completely mute. "Its fine now..Its fine." Merlin sighed and laid down beside Arthur, cuddling up into him. "You're free to go, Leigh. I'll call if anything comes up. Take the day off, will you?" She just nods, though still very concerned. She didnt express it though, no matter how friendly and understanding Merlin was. He was still a prince. Even more so, her fear was of what would happen if she got between Merlin and Arthur. That's not something she wished to face. Merlin's wrath was something few and far. She's seen it once, during a feast where another kingdom was invited. That stuck up prince kept hitting on his cousin, no matter how many times she told him off. Merlin had been eyeing him, watching as he continued to put moves on Aislinn. Then he touched her. Merlin had gotten right up out of his seat and punched the shit out of him. Gave him a black eye and a broken nose in one hit. He may be a scrawny thing but his anger sure as hell aided him where he needed it. If only his friends back in Camelot knew what he was capable of. After he had effectively put tension on a twenty year alliance in one blow, no one dared to come near him. Except for Aislinn who hugged him as thanks. Luckily the king already knew his son was an idiot so the alliance remains today.
It was about two more hours that Merlin stayed there by Arthur's side. He only moved once the blonde awoke. "Merlin..?" He looked down at him, not even bothered by the way Merlin was cuddled up with him. He wasnt about to complain. "I had more visions. It was focused on him this time. These have to be about him." He sighed, rubbing his eyes. "I just don't know what the hell for.." It was stressful. He was learning so much about this stranger without even knowing why. He just wanted to know why.
"Yes, well.." Merlin avoided his gaze. "No idea. I wish I could tell you what these mean." He let Arthur continue speaking. "There were two. The first one, my father was there as well. Except I wasn't. Wasn't even born yet. It was just him looking after Morgana. Then Samuel came in and took her off his hands so he could sleep. He seems nice for doing that..Though I cant imagine Father allowing anyone now to be alone guarding Morgana." He made a face, "They bicker like you and I do. That probably explains it. I'd trust you with Morgana and we're close like that. So perhaps it was the same for him." Arthur concludes this quickly, admitting in his exhaustion that he trust Merlin around and guarding his big sister whom he was so damn protective over. That actually meant a lot.
"The other was of just me and Samuel. It was..I couldnt hear much. It was odd. Felt different. It wasn't the same feeling as the other visions." Because Merlin altered it. "I was seven. He took me to the market. You'd think being seven, I would remember him now. He carried me on his shoulders and got me some new toys. And..he had a lot of coin on his belt. I think I asked him why. Then he gave so much away to the people. Anyone who looked like they needed it. He must've been a nobleman then, to have all that gold that he could just- give out. I remember him clearly though, after he had given it all away. He told me, he said 'you and I are far more fortunate than others. You are a prince. A prince takes care of his people and shares his own fortune in order to keep the whole of the kingdom fortunate as well. A good prince will find ways to do this, even when he is down on his luck because a good prince will always see his people happy.'" Arthur thought on that for a moment.
"I havent been such a good prince. Sure, I share wealth where I can but he said to do more than that." He wasnt sure why he was taking a stranger's word so quickly but it just seemed right. "To keep the people healthy without wealth.. Do you know how to do that, Merlin?" He turns to him, the other man now sitting up to look at him. "Well..people are most happy when they feel safe. I like to keep my people feeling safe by spending time with them. I go to the towns and villages whenever I can whilst I'm here and just- interact with them. Talk, buy, play, etc. Its good fun and I think it connects me to them more. I'm not a boss, I'm a leader. I'm not just their prince, I am their friend. A good friend will make sure to keep in touch." Arthur listened to him, nodding along. That made sense. He would have to try that. Going to visit the towns more often. "You give away money like him. You seem similar in more than just that sense as well." He liked that fact. Maybe if they were similar, Arthur would have an easier time adjusting to this strange man's personality.
The more he thought about it, the more he realized just how strange Merlin was acting regarding this. As if he knew something. He avoided giving direct answers unless it was a matter of opinion. Why couldnt he just give him input? "Merlin," He turned his head towards him, "What do you think of this?"
Merlin wasnt sure exactly what to say, so he did what he has been doing. Deflecting it. He did the same thing with questions about magic and being gay. "I dont know. I'm just as stumped as you are. I mean, I've seen as much as you've seen." He shrugged. He had almost felt like he successfully avoided that, then he felt the burning of Arthur's gaze into his head. "Did you know that when you lie, you overexplain?" He tilted his head. "Among other things but that's the most noticeable." Arthur moved to stand, getting some water. He was on bedrest but he felt fine to stand up and walk a few feet. Merlin followed though, standing just a meter away. "And what would I be lying about, Arthur?" This wasnt good. "How much you know. You're not telling me something. Or perhaps you're not telling me a few things."
The tension hung between them like a rope about to break. Merlin just stared, hoping he would start speaking again. But he didnt. "All I know is that you got visions from the dragons about some strange man that you may or may not have known. I dont know any more than that." Arthur obviously didnt trust what he was saying right now. He always trusted Merlin. But he knew when he was lying. Well, most of the time. Merlin had gotten used to hiding his magic so he didnt give any tells regarding that.
"You know something about this. You're hiding it from me, Merlin. Why cant you just tell me?" Arthur rose his voice slightly before turning away and taking some breaths. He didnt want to yell, yelling solves nothing. He knew that. But he was angry. Merlin gave him a second before speaking himself. "If I had something to hide, it would be for good reason." Then Arthur looked back up and shook his head a bit, "I'd understand why you would want to keep something from me if it only involved you. I wouldnt push for an answer, I would let you keep things to yourself because that is your business and I wouldn't intrude on that. But this- you're not telling me something and it involves me." The blonde paused, feeling water fill his eyes like a well when the rain comes. "Merlin..Please just tell me what you know about Samuel. I cant explain it but I just- need to know more. Theres a reason I was given these visions and I need to know." He swallowed, his voice breaking midway through. "I cant." Merlin gave a hurt smile, just a response to the pain. The smile wasnt even- real. It was just something that he picked up from his Mother. Everything is so drained that feigned joy is the only thing left to express across his features. Merlin started to speak again and Arthur was losing his patience. He hated to raise his voice and only heard his father when he did. But he did anyway.
"I cant, you know I cant-" "Why not?!" It was a simple question. One that Merlin struggled to get the answer oast his lips. Why couldnt he tell Arthur? For a lot of reasons. The people of Camelot would lose trust, Uther would likely be killed, Arthur would be hurt, Morgana would be filled with hatred just as much, their world would crumble around them.
"Just tell me! This involves me, Merlin. This is something that effects me and its tearing me apart to not know what the hell this all means. What is so bad about letting me know what you know? Why cant you just say it?!"
But it all boiled down to one thing.
"Because I love you-!"
Tears escaped, pooling down his red cheeks. Everything froze for a moment, like someone had pressed pause. It hurt because all they could do was stare at eachother.
"I love you too damn much and I want to protect you. I want to protect everything because of you. It all comes down to you! And I hate it so much. But I love you. That's why I can't just tell you..Everything would fall apart if I did. I cant let that happen to you." The two had both moved closer in the midst of their situation, leaving them with not even a foot of room between their rising chests, panting from the tears and raised voices. Merlin let out a sob while they stood there, falling right into Arthur's chest and just letting it out now. The man had wrapped his arms around Merlin's small frame almost immediately, rubbing his back as he, himself, cried too. The tears just slid down his cheeks though, not much sound coming from him.
He only spoke up once Merlin wasnt slipping out of his arms and could actually hold himself up. "Merlin.." Arthur ran his hands down his arms until he reached his hands, squeezing them in his own, shaking ones. Merlin looked up reluctantly, eyes barely meeting Arthur's. "..What?" He felt awful for keeping things from Arthur. He was fully prepared to be told off now, or to hear that he wanted to return to Camelot. But instead, the blonde pulled Merlin's hand upto his lips, pressing a kiss to the back. "I love you too."
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