???
Saphron: "Alright little bro! Count to 10!"
His hands float up to his face, completely blocking his vision and drenching his eyes in pure darkness.
Jaune: "1!, ...2!, ...3!, 4!-"
He closes his eyes and begins to count up. Today's a fun day spent hanging out and getting into mischief with his seven sisters. Today's a chill day, with the only thing on the menu being Hide and Seek. Still much better than the average "Get Jaune into a Dress" or "See how many times you can tease him before he tries to run after you" games...
The traumatic memories of those other activities almost interrupt his counting, but that one thread of his mind is locked in, and he's gonna get to 10 no matter what.
Jaune: "...9! ...10!"
He frees his eyes from the dark prison and takes a look around. The seven sisters that were once just feet away from him have disappeared into the aether. He moves only one step before a rustling directly above his head breaks his concentration.
???: "sssshh.. don't make that noise! I'm trying to hide!"
But she wasn't quite quiet enough.
Jaune: "Nice try Talia, get down here."
Talia: "awww..."
She plops down right into his arms, looking up at him with the most heart-breaking pout she can possibly muster. Jaune does not react, instead just gently setting her down on the ground and walking over in some surrounding bushes.
Those bushes are more than meets the eye however, as he finds out when two hands suddenly catch his legs, sending him tumbling to the ground. He knows only one sister that does those grab attacks...
Jaune: "Felicity! Come on!"
She only laughs. He's not too happy, but now facing a 2 on 1 battle of the sexes, that mad look is forced to make a quick retreat.
Jaune: "*sigh*"
The next three are easy, with Taylor giving him a boisterous hug upon entering the house, Lexi just barely poking out of a trash bag, and in the bathroom...
Jaune: "Weird. That curtain is never closed..."
He carefully tries to open it only to meet some unexpected resistance. He tries again with more force only to see it barely move. A devilish idea enters his head.
Jaune: "Well, I guess they won't mind if I take a shower first..."
But instead of just jumping normally, he deliberately goes straight for the sprayer first, just to do a "quick test" of the water. He turns the water on and goes straight for the spray, deliberately pointing it inside the tub. He watches the water go beyond his sight and deep into the tub.
???: "AAAAAAAAAA"
Jaune: "I knew you were there, Lily. No one ever uses this curtain!"
Lily: "Screw you bro!"
She comes out soaked in water, and his other four sisters laughing their asses off quickly put her in a sour mood.
Jaune: "Hey! That's payback for putting me in that lingerie!"
More laughing commences. But little did anyone know, that someone just setup the perfect payback...
A hand goes for the sprayer, which is still running, and takes perfect aim straight at Jaune's blond locks.
Jaune: "AAAAHH!"
A little mini-fight for the sprayer commences, spilling water all over the place. Jaune eventually wins the battle by turning off the water, but the damage is done.
Lily: "How do you like it?!"
The look of pure annoyance on his face triggers another laughing fit among the sisters. All the sisters.
-------
Saphron: "Oh shit! They probably heard us, Quick, Violet! Hide!"
She looks around desperately for somewhere to hide. But there is no closet. And opening the window is sure to create even more noise.
Violet: "Uuuuuhhhhh!"
She finds the best thing that her eyes see in the few precious seconds that are left: a lampshade. She quickly scurries under it, the oversized hat only barely covering her head and neck.
And not a moment too soon, because the door is yanked open, revealing Jaune and all the other sisters.
Jaune: "Saph! Thank god you are here. I was running out of places to look. Do you know where Violet is?"
Saphron: "Nope! I don't have a single idea. I hope you find her!"
Jaune: "She's probably hiding under the car or something. Can you hand me the flashlight?"
Saph's mind is torn. If she gets it, she'll have to go past Violet on the way, but if he comes in and gets it, he'll be sure to notice her...
She rushes over to the flashlight and almost slams it inside his hand.
Saphron: "Here you go bro! Hope you find her!"
Jaune: "Thanks sis!"
He looks up again and begins to turn, but his peripheral vision catches something that seems just a little bit out of place. But, since it's at the very edge of his eyesight, his brain can't quite tell what it is...
Jaune: "Is something different in here?"
Saphron: "Nope..."
That hesitation is a gigantic red flag for his mind, and he looks around the entire room to see a lampshade that is suspiciously high...
"What's going on with your lamp?"
Saph begins to sweat as she comes up with her next deflection.
Saphron: "It's my lamp. Do you have a problem with my lamp? It's... always been there!"
Jaune: "Turn it on. I don't trust you."
He watches that lampshade, waiting for the bright yellow light to come through as it always does.
Saph walks over and pulls on Violet's arm, desperately hoping she keeps silent.
She can do that. But what she can't do is act like a lightbulb...
"It- *cough* -must be broken! It's fine... just get Mom and Dad to call an electrician tomorrow, right bro?"
Jaune: "Uhhh... sure. See you, I guess."
Saphron: "See ya!"
He closes the door to Saph's room, but his mind still nags at him. Why was that lampshade so high? He thinks back to the rest of that room. That lampshade extended even taller than the dresser! How the hell did it get so high? There's no pole that can do that...
He facepalms both internally and externally as he realizes what just happened. How did that stupid idea almost work?!
Jaune: "SAPH!!!"
He turns around so fast that he doesn't even get the door open before his head smacks straight into it, causing him to bounce straight off like two pool balls colliding. Before he can blink, the back of his head is merely inches from the floor, that's gonna hurt so goddamn-
--------
The dreamworld of his house is quickly swept away by the browns and greys of the lowly dorm.
One turn of his head greets him with an entirely new scene, one with a terrifying amount of orange...
Nora: "Finally! I've been sitting here for ages!"
Jaune: "W-why?"
Ren: "She wants to tell you something."
Nora: "I wanna say that I am sorry for trying to suffocate you earlier. I promise not to go after you like that again."
Jaune: "Apology Accepted."
Nora can barely hold in a squeal as she gets out of Jaune's way. He sits up on the bed and looks out into the room, where the rest of NPR are situated.
Jaune: "How long was I really out?"
Ren: "About an hour."
Jaune: "Phew! I still have time to finish up that bath."
Thanks to the dream from earlier, some sweat has accumulated around him, setting his cleaning progress back quite a bit.
Pyrrha: "Where are you gonna get one? Ours is still broken thanks to a certain someone..."
Jaune: "I'll just go to RWBY's shower. They'll let me use it, none of them bathe this late anyway."
He leaves no time for debate as he gets up and exits the room, condemning the rest to silence.
*knock knock knock*
Some shuffling around is heard before the door opens to reveal Weiss looking dainty as usual.
Weiss: "What are you doing here, Jaune?"
Jaune: "I need to go use your shower real fast."
Weiss: "Wha- No! Go use your own!"
Yang: "Let him through, Ice-Queen. He's got a damn good reason."
Weiss: "Fine. But please hurry! I don't want you in here any longer than you have to be."
Jaune: "Relax, it'll only be 10 minutes or so."
The Ice Queen Princess Heiress slowly moves away and opens the door, clearly still annoyed at this debacle. To Jaune's credit, he rushes in with his sword, shield, and, most importantly, his laminated comic and gets inside the bath without a single misstep.
Weiss: "Alright Yang, care to explain why he is currently using our bathtub?"
Yang: "Theirs' is broken."
Weiss: "How?"
Yang: "Nora."
Weiss: "Nice try Yang, but I'm not accepting that this time. Why has Nora broken her own team's bathtub?"
Yang: "It's a long story..."
Weiss: "I've got all day to hear it."
Yang: "Well it all started whe-"
*knock knock knock*
Everyone looks at Weiss once again, and after another powerful sigh, she struts up to the door.
Weiss: "Who-
Pyrrha: "Is Jaune in here?"
Weiss: "Of course he is! I didn't reject him again!"
Pyrrha: "Never said you did, Weiss..."
NPR walks on in, noticing the other three members looking as if they were all talking about something...
Yang: "I'm glad you guys showed up! Now I don't have to tell the story by myself!"
Nora becomes much, much cheerier at this glorious opportunity, while Ren and Pyrrha can only show displeasure...
One story explanation later...
As one might expect, the tale of Jaune's obliviousness has gone over like hotcakes. Everyone except Ren and Pyrrha are doubling over in a fit of laughter at the mere absurdity of the whole thing.
Weiss: "Not really a surprise, is it! He couldn't take a hint if it came over and stole his sword!"
Blake: "I bet he wouldn't do anything if you were the last woman on Remnant."
Yang: If anything, it would be me as the last woman. And I know that I can get Ladykiller to jump all over me, whether he wants to or not!
Everyone except Ren keels over again. Why is Ren not laughing? Well...
zzzzzzzz
*bump*
What a rude awakening!
Ren: "I wasn't sleeping!"
Weiss: "See! No one agrees with you Yang."
Yang: "You think I'm just gonna lay down like that! Heck no! I'm gonna get this done right now!"
And Yang is gone, ready to give Jaune yet another heart attack.
Everyone left in the room begins to stare at Weiss.
Weiss: "What? How was I supposed to know she would react like that?!"
That reasoning is pretty solid. The gazes in the room suddenly turn toward Blake.
Blake: "Really?"
------
Jaune is currently using a sprayer to get some of the dirt off of his shield. The comic is laid right over the faucet, stuck open on Page 28. During said page, Diamond-Man is facing off against a massive fire that has taken over many city blocks. With the help of the local fire department, together they are beating back the fire, with the citizens watching as things that were once ablaze seem to revert back to-
*THUMP*
Yang: "Jaune Arc! Get over here and ravage me with your sword!"
One can almost hear Jaune's mind spilling all over the place like a gumball machine that was hit with a hammer.
Yang: "Too scared?! Can't handle someone like me?"
There's no response. Jaune's mind has officially been blown to shreds. But this doesn't stop Yang, who has already went off the deep end.
Yang: "That's what I thought. How disappointing that a big, strong knight like you can't satisfy. Well I don't need you anyway!"
A small device is taken out of the bathroom cabinet. But it takes no more than two seconds to figure out just what it is...
Yang: "Aaaahn~! Oh yes! Such a shame that you'll never get to take advantage of this! Oh yeees~!"
She turns it up another notch.
Yang: "Oh gods YEEEEEEEEHOIEUHEIUOEHEIUOEHIUOESHEIUOEDHDIOURGRIUJRIGIOJF-"
Did I say one notch? I meant twenty.
Yang collapses into the bathtub, her snatch oozing out cum faster than an arcade machine spits out tickets. Her exclamation of ecstasy is completely muffled by the water before eventually ceasing completely, with the vibrator joining in on the silence shortly thereafter.
It's about half a minute before Jaune's brain can finish rebooting, and when it can finally reorient itself again, the first thing it sees is Yang completely dunked in the water, motionless. The second thing it sees is white ooze flying out like a sprinkler, settling itself down in the bathwater. Mostly.
Like a kid who just saw a ghost, Jaune jumps out of the tub as quick as he can, barely getting enough sense to turn the water off. He lifts up the nonresponsive Yang and carries her back out of the bathroom and into the main dorm.
As he makes his way out, all the rest of the hunters turn towards him and see the scene. Looks of shock abound, with Weiss's face especially going through several expressions before she eventually bolts out of the dorm at a speed that nobody thought she could run at. Everyone else is stunned, save Ren, who has an uncharacteristic questioning look on his face, like he is trying to figure out how this could be possible.
Jaune really, REALLY doesn't want to explain. So he uses a most convenient diversion that just happens to be in his left hand.
Jaune: "Who's vibrator is this?!"
Ruby and Blake both put their hand to their face, their cheeks bright red.
To be continued...
Oh, I guess I should post the porn scene that inspired the first half of this chapter: