🥀YOONGI🥀
"What's the apartment number?" A voice came from the intercom.
I opened my mouth but had no answer to that question. I hadn't paid that much attention to my surroundings the night before, I was too freaked out about the fact that I had just come back to the land of the living.
The only reason why I was standing in front of the right building was because Hobi had pointed me in the right direction for I didn't even bother to look at the name of the street we were at when I left a few hours ago. I didn't think I would be coming back.
I looked over my shoulder, expecting to see Hobi but he had vanished again. I swear he was trying to teach me a lesson by leaving me like this without telling me information as important as her apartment number.
Sighing, I turned on my heels, ready to give up until Hobi showed up again to tell me the answer, but I ended up colliding with someone as soon as I did.
My arms automatically extended, grabbing the victim of my clumsiness to make sure they wouldn't fall to the ground.
"I'm sor-"
She shook her hair off of her face but a few strands still mingled over her moist plump lips. Her hands closed around my arms as well to secure herself in place, a white bag that was dangling on her hand swaying back and forth, hitting my thigh.
Yun stared at me with her big brown eyes, her surprised expression melting into disappointment and then annoyance.
She took a step back getting away from me and squaring her shoulders, using her hand to move her hair away from her face. Then she adjusted the jacket she wore, her jaw projecting forward as her eyes glared up at me.
"I'm sorry," I repeated, now referring to more than just bumping into her.
She raised her hands in the air to make quotation marks.
"'Thank you for helping me'? 'Sorry for the trouble I've caused you'? Really?," Yun turned away from me, "That's all I get?" She mumbled.
Soon I heard the buzzing sound that told the gates were being unlocked.
"I'm sorry for-"
"Yeah, you should be!" She turned to me again suddenly, the white plastic bag in her hand whipping around dangerously as she did so, "You go out to God knows where after being sick like that? What if something happened to you?!"
She wasn't screaming, but her facial expressions were enough to make me feel like she was. Her eyes showed me the worry I put her through in the small amount of time I was away, the way she nervously put her hair behind her ear, even though there was no need to, told me how worked up she had been.
I didn't know if her reaction could be considered cute or not, but the fact that this was happening on the sidewalk and that the doorman was probably having a VIP view of the whole scene left me feeling self-conscious.
Sensing that I was beginning to feel uncomfortable, she puffed out her cheeks, sighing heavily. She put her hands on her hips and that's when I noticed the logo on the plastic bag she was carrying. My mouth immediately started to water and my stomach chose that moment to sing the song of its people and let Yun know, even from the distance we were in, that I was fucking starving.
She closed her eyes for a moment, and when she opened them, they were soft. Yun looked down at her bag and back at me, slightly gesturing with her head for me to follow her.
The ride up the elevator was almost torture. I could smell the grilled ribs and...was that kimchi stew? When the doors opened I followed her but not before taking a look at the button she had pressed, just to make sure I would remember information that my own mentor didn't bother to tell me. We were on the 5th floor.
The clinking sounds of her keychains filled the empty corridor as she went to open her door but before she could, someone called her name.
"Yun?"
"Shit," I heard her muffled curse.
Her head whipped around to look at the stairs from where I could hear steps coming closer. Suddenly, she got on her tiptoes to get as close as possible to my ear. The close proximity had me tensing up.
"Play along," she whispered, her warm breath caressing my face and my exposed neck as she went back down on her feet.
I felt her hand slipping in my, firmly interlocking our fingers and squeezing my hand, silently asking me to not pull away.
A second later, another woman showed up, her head peeking first from the corner, followed by her tall frame. Her eyes immediately met Yun's and her face brightened up with a grin, then she looked at me, her teeth hiding behind a knowing smile.
"Aren't you supposed to be at work?" She asked Yun, but her eyes didn't leave me, and they made all the way from the top of my head to my feet.
Yun let out a chuckle and leaned her body against mine, resting her free hand on my arm. I looked down at her, the surprise I was feeling hidden very well behind a tight smile that to the other woman, I hoped, would come off as infatuated.
"Yes but you know," she answered simply. Her hand squeezed mine as she looked down at our joined hands.
The woman slowly nodded, her expression turning into a malicious one as her eyes fell upon our hands.
"What about you? You are very late for work," Yun said, trying to get her friend's attention away from, well, us.
"Ah, yes. That's because someone woke me up before time to ask for spare clothes for men, you know?" She mocked.
My eyes widened a bit. So the clothes Yun got me were borrowed from her friend. I guess that's why she was checking me out. She must have recognized the clothes.
"Thank you!" I said quickly when Yun's friend locked eyes with me.
"Don't mention it!" She beamed, waving at me to forget about it as she got close, "I'm Song Dalmi. It's very nice to meet you."
We bowed respectfully to each other.
"This is..." Yun started but stopped, glancing at me. Her eyes bore a twinge of panic in them.
And I immediately knew why.
Just the night before, Yun was technically stealing a body from the morgue. We didn't know exactly if or how Hobi had solved that issue, but the hospital probably still had my files saved somewhere. Files of someone who was supposed to be dead.
If there ever was going to be an investigation about it, it would be better to not have anyone outside from my circle, that only included Hobi and Yun at the moment, knowing my real name. Min Yoongi wasn't exactly a common name in South Korea.
And all this passed between us in less than a second as we exchanged looks.
"Agust," I intervened, still looking at Yun. "I'm Lee Agust."
Dalmi raised her eyebrows.
"Agust? That's an interesting name," she winked not so discreetly at Yun. "I hope you don't get in trouble at work."
"I called in sick," Yun answered, covering her mouth with her hand and faking a cough.
"That's my girl!" She threw her head back, laughing, and proceeded to go down the next flight of stairs.
"Why doesn't she take the elevator?" I wondered.
"She hates elevators," Yun said simply.
We stood there for some time watching as Dalmi disappeared around the corner. After a few seconds of silence, we stared at each other. Yun smiled slightly at me and only then I noticed that we were still holding hands. Hers was small involved by mine, the tips of her fingers were very cold compared to her palm pressed against my skin.
She looked down and took her hand away, giving her back to me using both of her hands to open the door.
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I sat on the floor with my back against the sofa on which I slept until this morning, while Yun walked to the kitchen to get the plates and jeotgarak *.
Unlike the night before, I noticed that everything was very clean as soon as I entered. I could even smell a sweet scent of cleaning product in the air as I took off my shoes at the entrance.
Yun had left the plastic bag right in front of me, and my stomach once again grunted and twisted inside my belly, making me raise my hands to my abdomen with a grimace. By my count, the last time I had a meal was two days ago after dinner, so it was completely acceptable that my stomach was rebelling against me while Yun put a plate in front of me.
She took three packages out of the bag and when she opened them, I couldn't help but close my eyes as soon as the incredible smell of grilled ribs, kimchi stew and japjea hugged my nose.
"잘 먹겠습니다(Thank you for the food)," we said at the same time.
Yun propped herself up on her knees and placed a generous portion of grilled ribs on my plate, and I had to restrain myself from acting like I was starving when I took the first bite. The taste of the meat made me salivate even more, and the spice spread across my tongue causing me to inevitably close my eyes to appreciate it.
I remembered my experiences in the kitchen. In my house, before all that shit happened, most of the time I was the one who cooked. My mom used to say that my dishes were better than her own, but I thought she only said that because she was my mom.
Remembering her and something as simple as my nights in the kitchen preparing dishes for my family made me stop chewing for a moment. I had to consciously make an effort not to let the wave of bitterness and sadness wash over me again, but Yun must have noticed my empty gaze, because she said, "Is there something wrong with the food?"
I turned to her, blinking my eyes quickly, and shook my head, gesturing with my hand, "No, no. It's delicious, actually. "
"How long has it been since you last had a meal?" She asked, casually picking up some japjea.
"Two days," I replied, perhaps too fast.
She stopped in the middle of the movement, the strands of sweet potato noodles dangling slightly above her plate while Yun looked at me wide-eyed. Then she looked at my plate, now with just a piece of grilled ribs, got up on her knees again, and started putting some more of what we had on the table until my plate was almost overflowing with food.
"Go ahead!" She gestured with her hand to all the food.
Yun abandoned her jeogarak and picked up her grilled rib with her hands.
"There's no one to impress here. I know you're starving," she spoke softly and smiled at me.
I threw all caution to the wind and attacked my own grilled ribs. I had to use my jeogarak eventually when I got to the japjae and kimchi stew after I hurriedly cleaned my hands with a napkin. I shamelessly stuffed my mouth with food, feeling my cheeks puffing out.
With the corner of my eye, I noticed Yun was looking at me, smiling slightly as if seeing me almost inhaling all the food was really funny to her.
She finished her plate before me but didn't get up, choosing to turn on the TV as I lavished myself with the rest of the food. I couldn't help thinking that maybe she had bought so much of it because she expected me to come back and that she knew I would be starving.
The voice of the anchorman filled the silence as I sighed satisfied with the meal. I probably shouldn't have eaten so fast but I honestly didn't care about the consequences my rush would cause to my stomach. I looked to my right at Yun, who had her arms hugging her knees.
"Thank you," I said softly, lowering my head in gratitude.
"You don't need to thank me," she shrugged, pressing her lips together, "Just promise me you won't disappear the way you did this morning."
She had a small smile on her plump lips but I could feel this was an honest request on her part. And I was shaking my head yes before long.
"How are you feeling?" She asked. Her tone was cautious and she had her eyes trained on the TV as she asked.
I thought about the question for a moment. If she was asking about my physical well being, I guess I could say I was as good as anyone could be, now being properly fed, but if she was asking about my mental state, I couldn't give her an answer because I myself hadn't stopped to think properly about everything.
In fact, I felt like all my feelings and fears were just waiting for me to be alone in the dark to grab a hold of my whole being, just waiting for me to be vulnerable enough to assault me. Falling asleep would probably be hard for me.
Yun locked eyes with me, noticing I was taking too long to answer.
"Your arm looks better," her eyes lowered to my left arm.
I followed her gaze down. The skin there had been read, and full of blisters when she found me, but now it looked as healed as burns of that degree could heal. the skin was slightly redder where it had been burned, and it was irregular. Now I could see that it wasn't the entirety of my left arm that got burned for I could see my natural paler skin around the healed scars. I could move it around normally too; I had tested it when I changed clothes at the hospital.
"Yes. Much better," I had my left arm over the coffee table, as my eyes focused on the TV.
"That's good," I heard her say. She expected me to say something more, but all my attention had shifted as soon as I saw a very familiar image on the screen.
They were showing a recording in black and white but with very good quality of a street that I knew like the palm of my hand. Even though it only showed the right sidewalk from that perspective, I knew that there was a convenience store at the corner where my dad used to buy his cigarettes, and I knew that next to that convenience store there probably was a lady sitting on her plastic yellow chair, watching the cars come and go on the street.
She used to sit on the sidewalk with her son and count every blue and red car that passed by. Whoever counted the most won.
Her son had died two years ago, but she would always sit there and count the blue cars every day when she came back from work. I would always bow my head to her when I went down the street to take the bus to school.
My house wasn't far away from that place.
I felt my shoulders tense as I read the headline. Known arsonist on the run.
"The suspect was caught by CCTV in the neighborhood a few hours before he followed to his next target," the anchorman said and the scene changed. I was now looking at what used to be a beautiful house, with glass panels almost all the way around it but now almost all of it was shattered, and the rest of the facade that used to be of a beautiful cream color was now reduced to black or ashy tones of grey.
"The criminal was seen leaving the area in a white van. Police believe he didn't act alone," the scene changed again and I felt the air stuck in my throat. The cameraman was inside my house and he filmed what was left of the place I used to live in as my eyes became blurry, "The house was completely destroyed by the flames, but no victims were found."
I was in there, I thought to myself, trying to swallow around the dryness in my throat. I was in the basement. My hand caught the collar of my shirt and pulled it away from my neck.
"Police are considering the possibility of this man, Han Sae-Hee, being involved with the Bloodharbor gang, a well-known criminal organization back in Daegu that has been conquering more territory in the last ten years."
"The investigative journalist Min Jung-Seok started a groundbreaking investigation on said gang eleven years ago which resulted in one of the most wanted criminals being arrested. Min Jung-Seok was killed in a fire incident while he was in Busan. The coincidence with this new case sparked more investigations."
The image of my destroyed house was cut off and the screen showed the picture of a man.
Big eyes, black hair with very few strands of grey. In the picture he was serious but I knew that behind his lips he hid a gummy smile, just like mine. I got that from him.
I closed my hands into fists, feeling the food I just ate coming up to my throat as my heart franticly beat inside my chest. I could hear Yun's voice very faintly in the background. I knew she was talking to me but I couldn't take my eyes away from the screen.
Even though I wasn't looking directly at her, I felt when she shifted and reached for the remote to turn the TV off, but I caught her hand before she could.
"Leave it!" I growled. She pushed my hand away from her but I didn't look at Yun to watch her expression.
"This house belonged to Min Jung-Seok's family, who the police are considering to have been taken hostage by the arsonist since no bodies were found," the screen showed three pictures, one of my mom, one of my brother, and another one of me. "Kim Hee-Jae, Kim Geum-Jae, and Min Yoongi are considered missing."
My mom was smiling in the picture. Her eyes were small and they disappeared when her cheekbones went up. My brother had a small smile on his lips, he also had my mother's eyes, just like I did. I felt my throat constrict.
Our pictures disappeared and the CCTV image was shown again. When a man wearing a hoodie and a mask came into the frame, the image paused and zoomed in. As soon as that happened I felt myself slipping away and entering a hyper-focused mode.
I stopped hearing the voice of the anchorman and my own breathing. The only sound filling my ear was of my heart beating furiously against my ribcage as I stared at the man on the screen.
Thick eyebrows, deep eyes. The mask he wore hid the rest of his features, but I remembered him.
I went to the convenience store that same day because we were out of soy sauce. He bumped into me as I was walking to the register. He had stopped to turn and look at me, and he did it for so long that I considered confronting him back then to ask if he had a problem with me.
I could have stopped him, I thought as my vision blurred once more and I blinked furiously to keep looking at him. I have to remember his face
He didn't know I was in the house. In fact, I was supposed to take our car to the workshop that day - my brother had messed up the carburetor again, but I postponed the appointment at the last second. Apparently, Han Sae-Hee didn't know about the change in my schedule.
His job was to take my family, but he didn't leave after his job was done. No. He wanted to show the world he had taken Min Jung-Seok's family too, so he lit the house up while I was in the basement sorting through my music sheets.
It took me too long to understand what was happening. At first, I thought one of my brother's recipes had gone wrong. By the time my brain decided it was better to go check what was going on, the fire had already spread.
I remember covering my face with my jacket as I coughed through the smoke until it caught on fire when I fell down. I pushed the thing away from my face but couldn't shake it fast enough. Not before it burned the skin on my left arm.
Eventually, I was out of the house falling on my knees and throwing up the contents of my stomach near the entrance as the rest of my body convulsed while I tried to breathe. I tried to scream, even though I knew it wouldn't help.
We didn't have close neighbors and our house was mostly surrounded by trees. The house immediately in front of ours was empty because the owners were traveling through Paris to celebrate their 30th anniversary. The rest of the neighborhood would only suspect something was wrong once they noticed the smoke coming from the mountain.
I fell over my burned arm and choked with my scream. A shadow appeared over me not long after that. I was thrown inside a van, falling over my unconscious older brother and my mother.
"Yoongi씨!" I heard a voice far away.
My eyes were still blurry but now I could see that the TV was showing commercials. I was leaning against the coffee table, my body shaking and convulsing through a coughing fit. Every time I tried to get some air, it would burn and scratch my throat. I could feel my face was wet with tears I didn't notice were falling before.
The rest of my senses were coming back slowly. I felt my knees against the ground, the horrible sound of my dry coughs as I choked on nothing but memories. I felt pressure on my right arm and my focus was centered on that part of my skin. I felt her fingers grabbing my biceps as she called my name again, asking me to look at her.
"I need you to look at me," I heard her say as I jerked my arm to get away from her touch on reflex, but she kept her hands firm, which made me look at her.
Her cheeks were flushed and her brow was wrinkled with concern but her eyes were trained on me.
"I need you to breathe with me," I grabbed the collar of my shirt again with my hand. I couldn't breathe, I was fucking choking.
Her eyes followed my movement, "You are not choking. You're having a panic attack, that's why I need you to breathe with me okay?"
She took my hand and put it over her chest, near her clavicle. Her skin was hot compared to mine, and the difference in temperature made me focus on that point; the tip of my fingers that touched her collarbone, as my throat got scratched again by another dry cough.
I felt her press my hand against her and noticed how it slowly went up with the movement of her controlled breathing. Becoming light-headed, I tried mimicking her, breathing in and out, as my throat constricted again when I attempted to get some air but it didn't close up entirely, so I kept focusing on the movement.
Breathing in and out, my heartbeat started to slow down.
"That's it, you are doing great," she coaxed, "Tell me five things you can see."
Lightheaded, her request threw me off a little, but I blinked looking at the movement of her chest under my hand.
When I spoke, my voice was incredibly hoarse.
"Your hand," I started, noticing how her fingers held mine, over her plain shirt "Your shirt," I moved my eyes up a little. Her dark hair was pushed over one shoulder, "Your hair," my eyes kept trailing up to her round chin, "Your lips," up her small nose, and finally, "Your eyes," big and focused, still trained on mine.
I slowly relaxed against the couch, not taking my eyes away from her because I felt I was close to passing out. She didn't break contact either, even as she came closer to me.
"You are safe now, okay?" She assured me, holding my hand between hers as she sat on her heels.
You don't know that, a voice inside of me argued back but I kept my mouth shut, shuddering with the goosebumps breaking across my skin. I rubbed my face to get rid of the tears beginning to feel embarrassed for what just happened.
She let go of my hand and closed hers into fists over her thighs.
"I had them too, you know?" She turned away from me for a second to get the remote and change the channel, setting up for one that was broadcasting kid's cartoons.
I raised my eyebrows and watched as Pororo jumped around the screen.
"I had them when my father left," she continued with a quiet voice, taking my silence as a sign that I was listening, "I had no one to help me back then. That is until I met Hobi. He taught me the game of five."
At the sound of my mentor's name, I looked at Yun. She had a small smile on her lips, glad that she grabbed my attention.
"So you know him?" I asked quietly, clearing my throat trying to get rid of the hoarseness in it.
"I do. Back at the hospital wasn't the first time we met," she also leaned against the couch, now a little bit closer to me, "I met him when I was sixteen at a..." she looked at me through the corner of her eye, "Cafe."
She hugged her knees and stared at the TV in silence. Our empty plates remained untouched over the coffee table.
I was extremely surprised that I managed to keep all that food down in my stomach after my panic attack.
"Thank you," I murmured. Honestly, those words still didn't cut it for everything she had done for me, but it was all I could do for now.
Yun locked eyes with me, the corners of her plump lips turning up in a small smile. She nodded lightly and shrugged her shoulders, "Are you going to leave another note?"
A dry chuckle left my lips but I shook my head.
"Was that guy..." she started, but as soon as her eyes locked with mine, I knew what she was going to ask.
Yun pressed her lips together, changing her mind. She shook her head, moving to start cleaning up the coffee table.
"He was one of them," I said. Her hand stopped mid-motion to get her plate.
She looked at me over her shoulder, and I noticed her eyes passed over my left arm, which was now resting over my stomach. The arm I had burned during the fire.
I didn't know yet how many people had participated in cutting my life short, but somehow I knew he wasn't the only one.
Yun sat on her heels again, leaning her elbow on the table to be able to face me again.
"I'm so sorry," she swallowed hard, "For everything you went through."
Her eyes scanned my face with her intense gaze. Dark brown pools glittered with unshed tears, and I had to avert my eyes to the floor to avoid mine from falling.
"It's over now," I said but a voice inside my head said It's only the beginning.
We stayed in solemn silence for some time until Yun got up to take the plates to the kitchen, refusing my help when I began to move.
I moved my stiff neck around and stared as the credits of Pororo The Little Penguin rolled up the screen as Yun quickly washed the dishes.
Seeing that man's face had sparked some of the most detailed memories I had until this moment. Hobi had mentioned he had them all with him, so he probably had seen everything I did just now. It must have been awful for him too. Even though he annoyed me a bit, I couldn't help but feel sorry for the guy.
But of one thing I was certain.
I knew his face. I knew his name.
Han Sae-Hee.
The first one on my list.
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jeotgarak* = chopsticks
"I noticed Yun was looking at me, smiling slightly as if seeing me almost inhaling all the food was really funny to her"
*Translation note 2: Jeotgarak is also known as Hashi or chopsticks.
*Translation note 3: 씨 (shi) is added at the end of personal names as an honorific. It is a sign of respect that can be translated as "Mr." or "Miss".
*Translation note 4: 잘 먹겠습니다 (jal meokgesseumnida) can be translated as "thank you for the food", but it means "I will eat well". The phrase is constructed as a promise, and it is respectful to say it before eating with others.