Samantha
Sometimes it feels like the universe is messing with her just for the hell of it. It's like as soon as she's happy, something has to come up or someone has to rip it away from her. Tonight isn't any different. It happens as they're lying in front of the fireplace, naked and tangled, laughing and exchanging stories of their childhood. Her phone starts to ring from her purse. She waves her hand, telling him to ignore it. There's no one else in the world she wants to talk to right now. It stops after a minute but then another call comes in. It's a specific ringtone, one she set for that person so she would hopefully never miss a call.
She doesn't think. She just reacts, jumping quickly to her feet to retrieve the phone. She makes several apologies to Henry as she does this. "Hello?" She breathes into the phone when she answers.
When she's off the phone, she turns back to Henry, who is already putting his pants on and giving her a look of concern. She shakes her head, afraid that if she says it all the tears will come and they won't stop. "I'm sorry, I have to go." She whispers, quickly moving to put her golf skirt back on then her shirt.
"Is everything okay?" Henry's voice is soft. He's already dressed, helping her gather her things.
"No, it's not. It's really not," Her voice cracks. She finishes putting on her shoes and then remembers she didn't drive herself here. "Shit. I've got to call an Uber or something."
"Just tell me where to go. I'll drive you."
"N-No. Y-You don't have to—"
"Hey," His voice is gentle and his hands move to her waist, centering her so she can look at him. He gives a small smile when their eyes connect. "I know I don't have to."
"I just feel bad."
"Don't feel bad. I wouldn't offer if I didn't want to." He squeezes her waist before sweeping some hair from her eyes. "Do me a favor though? Take a deep breath. Whatever's going on, it'll be okay."
And when he says that, she really wishes she could believe it.
Henry
She gives him directions to a hospital near his office. He's full of questions and concerns but he doesn't voice them or pry. Obviously something's happened. He wonders if it's Cody and that thought makes his stomach twist with guilt. Imagine something horrible happens to the guy and in the same night their marriage counselor beds his wife.
As he drives, he keeps glancing over at her in the passenger seat. Her hands are shaking and her face is drained of all color. It looks like she's doing everything she can not to cry right there. There's several times in the car ride that he thinks about reaching out to her, taking her hand, just to let her know she's not alone. But he decides against this because he doesn't want to add any more stress. He also doesn't know where they stand. Would it be appropriate for him to touch her like that? Does she want that? It's these kinds of questions he's trying to avoid right now. They can always deal with their situation later.
When they pull into the hospital parking lot, she's quick to undo her seat belt. She's about to open the door, even though the car is still moving, but stops herself. Instead, she turns to look at him. Her big brown eyes are filled with tears. "I know it's a lot to ask but... do you think you could come with me? I just..." A tear slides down her cheek and she moves to wipe it away. "I-I really hate hospitals."
He doesn't hesitate. "Of course."
"I promise I'll explain everything later."
This promise confuses him but again, he doesn't push.
She takes his hand and guides him through the hospital. For someone that hates hospitals, it seems like she knows this place like the back of her hand. Then they're standing in front of a door, the only context clue provided to him is a single white board with a name scribbled on it next to this room: M Hale. He pairs the relation together at the same time that she taps on the door, opening it, calling out in a tiny voice, "Dad?"
It's an unfortunate way of meeting the parents, that's for sure. The nervousness hits him suddenly and he swallows, running a quick hand through his hair and straightening his collar. But when he steps into the room, greeted by noises and beeps from all types of expensive looking machines, he realizes how he looks or what he says won't matter.
Martin Harris lies unconscious on the hospital bed. If it wasn't for the constant beeping of a heart monitor, you'd think he was dead. There are tubes going in and out of him, cords wrapped around him, and a bandage wrapped around his head.
Samantha goes to her father's side, lifting one of the clipboards next to him and flipping through the charts. Whatever she's looking at, it doesn't appear good based on the way her bottom lip starts to tremble. She sniffles and puts the clipboard back, looking down at her father. "Sorry it's been so long."She says, more to herself than to anyone else.
Henry remains where he stands, unsure of what to do or say.
"This is my dad," She says without taking her eyes off the man. "Dad, this is Henry."
"Hello, Mr. Harris." Henry hears himself say. He clears his throat. "Can he hear me?"
"Not anymore," She sighs, her fingers moving to her father's beard. "Looks like Mom's missed a few shaves."
"I know it's a lot." She says after a few minutes. She steps away from her fathers bed side and moves to take a seat on the couch by the window.
He waits a beat or two before going to take the spot next to her. He's careful with his words. "I don't think you've mentioned your father before."
"It's easier not to talk about it."
"I understand."
"It's my fault he's here." Her voice is just a whisper as she stares down at her hands.
He lets her statement settle for a moment. It doesn't scare him away though. Her words could mean anything. And he knows better than anyone what grief can do to a person. Especially someone like Samantha. She takes responsibility for everything, even if it's not really her fault. He's been trying to work with her in therapy on having more positive self talk but also trying to change her warped view of herself and how she sees certain situations.
"What happened?" He asks.
"It was a few years ago, right before Cody and I got married. I was getting cold feet. I didn't think I could go through with the wedding." She rolls her eyes with a sigh. "Anyways, my mom and I end up having a huge fight over the whole thing. We're both yelling and screaming at each other. And dad, you know, he was always the peacemaker. He thought it would be a good idea to let mom cool down. Maybe he could talk some sense in to me. I don't know." She shakes her head. "He was trying to make me feel better. We were going to get ice cream. It's something we did every Saturday. We'd both get those clown cones at Baskin Robins." She smiles sadly at the memories. "I don't know what happened. I mean, I do. It just... It was so fast. I took the wrong exit. There was a semi that ran a red light."
He just wants to take her into his arms right now. He wants to hold her and protect her. It's something he's had to fight off since their first session. She's so fragile and pure, so kind, so sad. The world has tried to break this woman but she remains standing. And all she wants is to be loved.
He settles on placing his hand over hers. It can mean anything she wants: I'm your partner, I see you, I hear you, we'll get through this, you're not alone. "I guess I didn't hear the part about it being your fault?"
The corner of her mouth twitches. She chuckles finally. "I knew you would say something like that."
"You understand, though, right? None of it was your fault."
Her fingers lace through his and she squeezes his hand. It's an unspoken acknowledgment of his words. She continues, "He didn't want me to go through with it."
"The wedding?"
"Yeah," She stares towards her father and shakes her head. "He didn't like Cody and Cody didn't like him. Cody thought my dad was cheap— which, to be fair, he is. Was. It always pissed him off how much my dad didn't care that he was a Chambers or how much money his family had. Dad just wanted me to be happy. And he knew a guy like Cody wouldn't do that. I decided that day that I wasn't going to marry Cody."
"What changed your mind?"
She gestures to the bed and her father with her free hand. "I mean, I still had my mind made up about it even after the crash happened. And then... everything just got worse. Health insurance only covers so much. Mom and I couldn't afford rent. By then, we wouldn't even have had the money to bury him. She said I was being selfish. Said nobody's marrying for love anymore." She scoffs. "I guess I'm a gold digger."
"No," He shakes his head. "I think there was a part of you that loved Cody. There's probably still a part of you that does. But you were also young and alone and desperate, and not to be disrespectful, but also getting some terrible advice from your mother."
She chuckles. "Yeah, I guess."
"You went through something traumatic. You got dealt a shit hand and you did what you had to in order to survive. There's no shame in that, Samantha."
She doesn't speak for a long time and then she says, "I married him and I've stayed married to him just to keep Dad alive." Her shoulders drop. "I don't think I've ever said that out loud before. That makes me just a terrible person, doesn't it?"
"Cody had his own motives for this marriage."
"Can I tell you something else?"
He nods.
"I wanted to pull the plug on dad as soon as they told us he wasn't going to recover. They knew right after the accident. I know he's not in there anymore. For the last seven years, not one movement, not a word, he can't even eat, he can barely breathe without the help of that machine. We have to put a fucking tube down his throat to feed him. And what sucks even more, he'd be pissed at us for this decision. Probably more disappointed than mad but you know..."
"So, your mother refuses to...?"
She nods.
"Does she know what the marriage is actually like? How unhappy you really are?"
"You're the only one that cares about my unhappiness, Henry."
"You deserve to be happy, Samantha."
"Thanks."
"I mean it," He takes this chance now and cups her cheek with his free hand, making her look him in the eye. He can't help glancing at her lips. It's inappropriate for him to want to kiss her right now. "And I need you to start believing you deserve it as well."
Just then, the door to the room clicks and this makes Samantha jump off the couch to her feet, away from Henry and his hands. She's expecting it to be a nurse but instead the door opens to reveal the faces of her mother and her husband. The last two people she wants to see right now.
The two are engaged in some conversation about who knows what but stop at the sight of Samantha.
"Oh, babe, I didn't know you were here," Cody says. "I tried calling you." His eyes drift to the man who stands up from the couch. It's a face he recognizes. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"He was nice enough to give me a ride here so I'd appreciate it if you laid off."
"Samantha." Her mother snaps. The look her mother gives her says all it needs to: good girls don't speak to their husbands like that.
"What's wrong with your car?" Cody asks, eyebrows raised.
"Your father and I were actually at the club this morning. We happened to run into Samantha and her friend. Her friend wasn't really in any state to drive so I offered to drive them home." Henry speaks up.
"How kind of you." Cody sneers.
"Well, since you're here, I guess my services will no longer be needed this evening," Henry announces. He turns to Samantha, offering the best reassuring smile he can. There's so much more that he wants to say but he can't. "Looks like our next session is going to be a busy one. I'll see you Tuesday." He looks towards her husband. "I assume another rain check for you?"
Cody's jaw clenches. "I'd switch places with him—" He points to Martin. "—before I ever take any type of advice from you, Henry."
"Always a pleasure, Cody." Henry says. With that, he nods towards Samantha and exits the room, wanting to say so much more.
Tuesday can't come soon enough.
Samantha
She watches Henry walk out of the hospital room, and it feels like her heart goes with him. She wants to run after him and ask him to take her back to his place. She wants to pick up right where they left off in front of the fireplace. The thought of having to wait until Tuesday to see him again will make her go mad. She catches Cody looking at her with his eyebrows furrowed and so she quickly drops her gaze. Her back straightens. It's like an adjustment through her whole system. She has to be someone else right now. She has to put on the mask of a happy, loving wife and a respectful, obedient daughter.
"The nurse called me. She said something about his kidney?" Her emotions got the best of her and she barely heard the rest of the nurses words on the phone. All she had to hear was the ring tone and then "your father" "failing", "act quick". It's not like it's ever good news when the hospital calls her.
"His organs aren't working like they used to." Her mother says, walking to the other side of Martin's bed and looking down at him sadly. Her mother has a way of acting like he's just been sleeping for a long time. She refuses to admit the severity of anything.
"What else? There has to be more. The nurse said she couldn't talk to me without your permission. When did that change?"
"I just felt it was best to not disturb you with anything. You're busy with your own life and your father has me. And he's in some of the best hands here." She smiles over at Cody. "I was only thinking of you. You've got other things to worry about, like giving me grandkids."
"Mom, I-"
"I'm glad you brought that up, Sue," Cody cuts his wife off. "I was hoping we'd be able to share the news under different circumstances but I wanted you to hear it from us. We're trying for a baby."
His announcement makes the hairs on the back of Samantha's neck stand up. She stares at him with her mouth dropped open, so fucking confused. Where the hell did this come from?
Before she can argue or correct him, her mother lets out an excited squeal and goes to hug her son in law. She's full of congratulations directed at Cody but when it comes to her own daughter, it's like she can't possibly bring herself to say anything positive.
Cody shoots her a look over her mother's shoulder. It's a warning look.
"Mom, I didn't come here to talk about grandkids," Her voice is shaking and her fists are clenched at her sides. She's nervous- for actually speaking up- and at the same time, she's angry. She's not sure which emotions drive her next words. "And I sure as hell didn't come here to play house with you. I came here for dad. You insist on keeping him like this. So why don't you tell me what's wrong with him now?"
"Samantha!" They both say her name at the same time and it makes her blood boil. It's the tone you use on the dog after they tore up the carpet. It's the nagging way her mother said her name every day growing up. It's the disappointed way her husband says her name, like he wishes she was someone else.
She sighs. She's tired of being a disappointment to everyone around her. It's either she's not enough or she's too much. She looks towards her father. Every time she sees him, it's like her heart breaks more. She's surprised there's anything left. She leans in to kiss his head. "I'm sorry, dad." She whispers in his ear. She grabs her purse from the couch and proceeds to walk past her family without another word.
There's some muffled speaking behind her as she exits the room and down the hospital hall way, heading towards the elevators. She'll call a cab. And right now, she'll just go home and she'll crawl into bed. She thinks about going to Henry's place but she doesn't want to bother him. Jesus, she hasn't even thought about the other events that took place tonight. She's officially cheated on her husband of 7 years. And it wasn't with just any random person. It was with Henry Good.
"Sam." Cody's hand stops the elevator doors from closing. There's a shadow across his face as he enters it with her.
"Look, I really don't want to talk right-"
"Great. Because I just need you to listen." He says, his voice is cool. "I'm starting to think counseling was a bad idea."
"Oh?" She chuckles bitterly, folding her arms over her chest. "What makes you think that? You haven't been to one session."
"I know Good. And I don't like him."
"He was your suggestion."
"He was my father's suggestion." He says. "It's not like Dad can be right about everything."
She doesn't say anything in response to that.
"Ever since you started going, you've just been so..." He rubs the back of his neck. "Disrespectful? Resentful? I don't know. I could call it like it actually is but I won't resort to name calling."
"I barely see you, Cody. You must be mistaking me for someone else." She mutters.
"See that. Right there. The little attitude you have. The talking back. That's not my Sam."
"Who exactly is your Sam?"
"Loyal. Calm. Logical," He rolls his eyes. "I'll tell you another thing, my Sam would've been ecstatic to hear I wanted to start trying for a baby."
He's not wrong. There have been plenty of times she's wanted a baby. Although she can't always say it was with Cody. She didn't want to be alone anymore. She wanted to have her own little family. She wanted to give the baby a better upbringing than the one she had. But hearing him say it now, it's like he's talking about a stranger.
The elevator doors open and she begins walking out towards the hospital exit. He follows close behind her.
"Well, in case you haven't noticed, things aren't the same," She says over her shoulder. "They haven't been for years."
He catches her hand and spins her towards him. His cheeks are flushed and his eyes are narrowed. "Back to my point. Where is all this coming from? Nothing has changed, Sam. Literally nothing. And the only thing I could come up with is the counseling. I mean, fuck. You don't have to go anymore! I figured you'd quit after the first session. Are you just trying to prove a point or something?"
She tries to speak but she can't get the words out. "Y-You-"
His eyes practically burn a hole through her. He snaps out of it for a brief moment to look around the hospital lobby. He proceeds to grab her elbow, pulling her along like a rag doll, outside the building into the dark of night. The streets are less busy. It's quiet for New York.
"Are you fucking him?" His voice is cold.
It's shameful to admit but she cowers. She feels it all over again. That feeling of being a guilty puppy. She panics. Fight or flight- Henry's mentioned that a few times in therapy. She likes when he talks about psychology. He gets so passionate. I did fuck him, she thinks. I'm probably going to again, she's hopeful. Tuesday. Tuesday. But she doesn't say any of this. She can't. It could jeopardize his job. His license. Stephen and Cody could come after him. She'd ruin his life.
She shakes her head automatically. "No. I'm not... fucking him." It's not like she hasn't lied to Cody before. Small little white lies throughout the day. If she even sees him that day. "Where did that come from?"
Cody doesn't speak for what feels like forever but it's actually just a few seconds. He shakes his head and takes a deep breath, looking to the street for a moment. "I told you. He's not a good guy."
She swallows. Her hands are shaking and so she crosses her arms over her chest. She's still stuck in her golf clothes. That was just this morning. So much has happened since then. "I'm... exhausted. I want to go home."
They sleep in the same bed that night. She's never gone to sleep on the couch; not those nights when he stumbled into the bed smelling like a bar and perfume. Who knows what he was out doing and when he would reach for her, it felt dirty. It felt wrong. She falls asleep to the thought of where she really wants to be, in her marriage counselors arms. She doesn't know what she's going to do. About anything. But she's too tired to even think about it.
Tuesday. Tuesday. Tuesday.