"Hey" Sarawat says as he sits on the railing next to Tine.
He has searched for him for a while before Pear told him he's on the rooftop and has warned not to disturb him. Sarawat could have done that but he's missed him so much the entire day he hardly believes he can make it to the another day without seeing Tine.
"God it's chilly out here" he says as the cool wind brings a shiver down his body.
Tine chuckles dryly, "wasn't Pam keeping you warm?"
Sarawat's lips twitch and he looks away, swinging his legs down the railing like Tine.
He asks while fiddling with his fingers, "How was your date with Earth?"
Tine sighs, "awful. Turns out it was for the media."
"Oh."
"Can I ask you something?" Tine says after a minute of silence.
One chance, his mind encourages him.
"Yes?"
"Did you mean it?" Tine asks as he locks his eyes with Sarawat's, "after we had sex that night, you said you liked my smile. Did you mean it?"
Sarawat's eyes widen in shock and he coughs nervously.
"Well" he chuckles awkwardly, "I said that? Must be something I say to everyone I sleep with."
Tine nods, without removing his eyes from Sarawat's.
"Are you drunk?" Sarawat asks, "let's get down from the railing."
Tine dodges Sarawat's hands that try to pull him down but finally gives in when Sarawat carries him and brings him down to the floor.
Tine chuckles, "why is your face so red?"
Sarawat rolls his eyes, "you do like to mess with my head, don't you?"
"YOU" Tine says, pointing at Sarawat, "you are messing with me."
Sarawat frowns, "What do you mean?"
Tine steps closer to the other man and whispers tiredly, "What do you want to do Sarawat?"
The said man's eyes study Tine's face. Sarawat was taken off guard, he has not seen this coming. Even the night doesn't hide the honesty in Tine's eyes that Sarawat is afraid will bring his honesty out too. He stammers as he doesn't know what he should say.
What do you want to do Sarawat? He asks himself. He asks not because the answer hasn't crossed his mind. He asks because he's afraid if telling the answer will be the right decision. May be he could make his decision if he's given some time but Sarawat concludes it's not going to happen as he feels Tine's lips against his own. He doesn't respond even if the warmth of Tine's lips is melting him. It is when Tine makes needy, small sounds Sarawat loses his mind. He pulls Tine closer and kisses him back.
The rumble of strong sea waves alongwith the wind is overlapped by the deafening beats of edm playing in the resort club which blends with the distant noises of people in resort, devouring the faint rustles of leaves in the garden and sound of moonlight dripping on the rooftop. The sounds are so many and yet, it all comes down to the sound of the soft kisses that is driving them mad. Standing on the terrace while everybody is down there, too busy to find Tine who's holding the love of his life in his arms, Tine feels perfect. And the way Sarawat is kissing him, he hopes Sarawat feels perfect too.
"Tine" Sarawat says in a shaky voice, "we can't do this."
Tine pulls away and simply stares at Sarawat whose eyes are closed and hands in his hair, as if he's trying to hold back.
He says again, "you are drunk. You are freaking out before wedding. It happens. It's fine. We can forget this ever happened."
Tine's heart sinks as he hears Sarawat's words that stab him back and forth.
"I am drunk. I am freaking out. Why did YOU kiss me back?"
Sarawat doesn't utter a word and simply looks at Tine.
He is flailing his hands helplessly, "you know me" he says, "I got carried away."
Tine pauses to see if Sarawat speaks again to say he is lying and no he wasn't just carried away, he fucking wants him too. Sarawat doesn't.
Tine exhales slowly as the realisation hit him that his chance was over now. His feelings were answered and he hopes now nothing will hold him back anymore from moving forward in his new journey of life. He can't help feel embarrassed and probably wonders if it would have been better, had he not poured his feelings out. After all, didn't he already know they weren't on the same page? Tine wants to think about it. About the heartbreaking pain, about Sarawat, about his happiness. But he figures it's late and he should probably go sleep. He needs to look promising on his wedding.
"Okay" Tine says, "I'm sorry I was drunk and upset about my fight with Earth."
Sarawat bites his lips and nods. Tine wants to believe his eyes have pain in them and it looks similar to the one he's feeling in his heart but he shakes his head. No more reading signs that aren't even there at first place.
...
The next day starts quite a hustle because of the function and Sarawat spend half of the day at the resort's lawn where the dance night was going to be held. He buries himself into preparations, the florists, lighting, bars, bands, playlists, cuisines and everything that could keep him distracted. He even shouts at a couple of his workers when his mind mocks him by reminding who's dance night is he organising. Sarawat has never hated his job before.
At lunch, Sarawat joins Teepakorns for lunch and even smiles at Tine who smiles in return and for the first time, Sarawat feels sorry for Earth. How could he stand Tine's fake smiles that he plasters on his face? Sarawat feels an acute pain as Tine gives him a smile that doesn't even reach his eyes. What kind of boundary is drawn between them? Who has drawn it? How does Sarawat cross it? Does Tine even want him to cross? Sarawat doesn't let these questions get him and he shouts at a worker again.
"Grandma" Sarawat says, looking around, "have you seen Tine?"
Grandma shakes her head and motions him to sit on her lounge chair. The sun is still above their head and Sarawat feels miserable in his sleeveless printed tee and shorts. His skin is burning and not to mention, the way he's perspiring after running around to find Tine.
He takes out his shades and sits next to her, silently wishing she doesn't start a conversation. Sarawat is afraid he is not in the mood of talking. He breathes heavily and watches the people at the beach. He sees Pirapats and Teepakorns playing volleyball. He observes how happy they look as their honey dipped voices echo in the crispy air. A sense of bitterness swims inside him as he notices neither Tine nor Earth are anywhere in sight.
"Grandma?" Sarawat sighs, "how do you know if you're in love?"
Grandma smiles, "if you find yourself asking that question, probably you already are."
Sarawat hums and fixes his eyes on the people he can see from there.
"I was seven when my parents divorced" he says, "and they got married again when I turned fifteen."
Grandma sits carefully and nods.
"I was so happy when they got married again. I was so happy that they would never fight again and always say lovely things to each other. But when they died in an accident four years later, I got to know that they had filed for divorce a month before the accident. All those years, they were pretending that they were happy together just for my sake."
Grandma holds Sarawat's hand and he chuckles, almost in a funny but polite way.
"Is that why you don't believe in any of it?"
He shrugs, swallowing the lump in his throat.
"I kept believing that love is a lie we tell ourselves and others. I believed and I was okay with it. Until he came.."
Sarawat notices the grip on his hand becomes firm and he feels he should stop or else he'd give too much away.
"You can tell me son" grandma says, pulling him a little close while patting his head, "don't hurt yourself."
Sarawat's lips tremble and before he knows, he finds himself sobbing on grandma's weak but firm shoulders.
"I don't know what to do.." his voice shakes, "It kills me to think he hates me now."
She pats his hair as he weeps some more.
"I love him so much grandma" he says in between the sobs, "I don't want to let him go."
"Ssh" grandma says as she kisses his forehead, "then don't. Go and get him."
He wipes his face and mumbles under his palms.
"It's impossible. He already has someone he's going to-"
Sarawat stops and fears if he'll spill too much.
"He won't leave that person."
"Let him decide that" grandma says loudly, "you do what your heart says and let him follow what his heart asks him to. Love is meant to be as simple as that."
He snuffles and pouts, "what are you saying? You don't even know who I'm talking about."
"I'd like to know who you're talking about" grandma says as she winks, "must be someone special if he has owned your heart."
Sarawat smiles. If only she knew who he was taking about, may be she'd never suggest any of that. Sarawat doesn't complain, though. He understands the gravity of the situation. What kind of grandma would ask the wedding planner to ruin her grandson's wedding?
💚🤍