Ché c'ho una frase scritta in testa, ma non l'ho mai detta
Perché la vita senza te non può essere perfetta
...
The first thing I saw were the floors of liquid gold and the endless seeming glass walls that looked like ice. Light seemed to flood the long hallways from every direction making me flinch as I was used to all the darkness before.
A darkness that was scarier than all my nightmares.
Where I was? I had no idea but it felt like home. I knew it wasn't home, because my home was him but it still felt like he was close. It was a comforting warmth that lulled me in to stay.
I begin to walk seeing my reflection in the glass walls.
I wear my crown and a dress that looks like the reflection of the water surface. A kind of fabric that no hand could ever craft.
I walk further into the endless halls when big doors appear in front of me. There are scenes of all gods I knew carved into the wood and when I wished to study it more they opened revealing a big room filled with the warm light of a thousand evening suns.
I walk through and instantly smell warm bread and orange juice causing my mouth to water.
"Is someone here?" I ask hesitantly when I hear steps. Out of the light a woman appears and I instantly recognise her.
"Grandmother?" I ask recognising the high arched face of the woman that visited my dreams as she pleased.
"What are you doing here?" she asks coming up to give me a swift hug.
"I don't know... I lost a lot of blood and fell asleep." I shrug truly unsure if this was what happend to me. My memories felt liek a blur I just remember holding... my baby. I held my child. Did I die giving birth?
"Let me guide you to the others." she smiles as she grabs my arm.
"Others?"
"Your parents my dear." she announces as I feel my heart stop. They're here?
I hear steps coming from the light and I nearly sink to my knees when I see their faces.
My mother is glaring at me as if she couldn't believe her eyes while my father runs towards me smiling like a little kid.
"λιακάδα." he whispers lifting me up in a big hug squishing me to his cold body. As he lets me go I stare at his face that looked exactly like had remembered it. His dashing green eyes stared down at me as his dark hair was falling in his face. His tanned skin remembers me of mine as a child and a singular tear trickles down my face as I stare at my dead father. My father that never got the chance to get grey hair. My father that was never allowed to see me grow up.
"My girl!" he whispers his accent as thick as ever as he steps to the side to reveal my mother. Her high set features and cold eyes are on the verge of breaking as she looks at me in disbelief.
"What are you already doing here?" she asks shaking her head.
"Mother." I whisper wanting her touch, her scent around me.
"You shouldn't be here! You foolish stupid girl!" She yells as my grandmother walks to her daughter holding her back on her shoulders.
"Am I dead?" I ask as cold flashes of sweat catch me.
"No dear but you're on the ferge of dying. What in the gods name did you do?" My granother says as I glare at my mother her eternal face burning right through me. Well this is most definitely how I imagined seeing her again would go.
"I had a child, a daughter." I answer and as my father laughs hugging me close to him and my mother's hard shell falls a little.
"You were meant for so much and you got pregnant and died?" She chokes out raising her brows.
"I became even more. I became a god amongst humans, I reclaimed the Island that you abandoned and became Queen of two Kingdoms. But those achievements don't even compare to my baby who's father is the greatest warlord of our time!" I spit holding my head high. She might be my mother but I refuse to let her talk that way about my little miracle.
"That's what I wanted to hear. You didn't weaken over the years." my mother chuckles walking over to hug me tightly.
I hold her like it's the last time I would ever be able to, feeling like I dreamed for an eternity of this exact moment. My face feels wet as I hug her tightly breathing in her scent.
"Who is this warlord?" my father asks as we break apart and I instantly feel bad remembering Ivar and our baby. He's all alone.
"A son of Ragnar Lothbrok." I answer as that was the only thing that would tell them anything.
"Of course it would be a son of Ragnar." I hear my mother's bright laughter as she shakes her head.
"I missed you two so much... I dreamed of the day I'd see you again." I cry as emotions overcome me again.
"But you should dream longer of this my child. You can't let your baby grow up without you." My father reminds me kissing the top of my head.
"I don't want to leave you all again!" I shake my head thinking about my baby. Would she be better off without me? Probably. But would she be better off with just her mad father? I don't think so.
"Maybe someone else could change your mind." my grandma chuckles as another figure steps out the light.
August.
I don't hesitate for even a second, running for my first love and my best friend. I jump in his arms and it feels so unreal when he hugs me back tightly, his face laying in the crook of my neck.
"What are you doing here?" he croaks out not letting me go yet.
We're standing a few metres away from my family as I whisper:
"I almost died during childbirth."
"That Boneless got you knocked up huh?" he chuckles slowly letting go of me.
"I can't believe you're here!" I cry out holding his face in my hands. The face that haunted me for so long, the face I was never able to touch till now.
"But this shouldn't make you stay Helena. Your baby needs you." he whispers giving me a gentle kiss on the forehead.
"Ivar needs you." he adds smiling down at me, the warmest smile there is. Because I'm a beam of sunlight whilst he is the whole fucking sun. He made me sunlight. But for his sake I would continue to shine without him.
"How do I know that I will come back here?" I ask holding his hand as my family joins me.
"The moirers already have measured your threat of life. You still have a lot in front of you." my father assures as he squeezes my shoulder.
"What your father means is that your fate is decided and Odin won't welcome you in his halls this early." my mother comes up beside him smiling. I laugh at their fight and shake my head a little when my father says:
"Hades won't be pleased either." I instantly think about my own Hades, my husband and decide to go back. My heart yearns for my family here but I now have a new one, the family we created.
Persephone always came back didn't she? And so I have to do the same.
I can't bare the thought of the two of them all alone, without me. I want to he between them and share the rest of my life with them till I join all of my family wherever this here is.
"I love you all so much." I whisper hugging them all tightly to my body as I feel the spirits of all my losses circling us in as the light completely blinds me.
Warmth floods me, warmth uncompaireble to this here as I think of the life that awaits me as soon as I'm awake and I smile as I fade back into it.
Ivars pov:
It's been six days since the love of my life fell into a coma and nothing has been the same ever since.
They could eventually stop her bleeding but it was too late to keep her conscious. We all thought it would be a matter of hours but when she wouldn't react to a single thing the healers had told me that only time would tell if she ever woke up.
It was better than her death though it felt very similar and I hated it.
I hated how the first meal our daughter received was by a wet nurse and not her. I hate how I almost lost her. I hate how she's laying in our bed, the bed our little miracle was conceived and born, unconscious.
I hate how she left me alone with our baby and I hate that I feel that way.
I refused for anyone to step into my halls as I wasn't ready to celebrate my daughter like I should.
I barley slept as I was so fucking scared to leave both of them out of my sight.
So I did what only felt right, I was right beside my wife with our baby in my arms praying that she could wake up to see our miracle.
I was completely useless the first days as I didn't know anything about a baby. I was so scared to break her fragile body that holding her alone made me a nervous wreck.
But I did it all with such pride because I managed to create something so pure as her. I still couldn't believe my luck so at night I would just stare at her perfect little face while I waited for my love to make any sort of movement.
The only thing I had wished for was a healthy child and what I got was so much more. She's an angel, so sweet and so curious that I could do nothing but to admire her.
Her legs were powerful as any child's kicking whenever I tried to dress her or change her diaper which made me tear up whenever I was alone.
Alone. Though I had her I still felt incredibly alone. I wanted to share all this joy, see these dammed green eyes on our baby and those intoxicating lips form into a smile at our daughter. I wanted her to feel the way I did.
I was currently sitting on our bed cradling the little troublemaker on my naked chest. Hella didn't overexagurate when she said that our baby liked holding everyone awake and so I've had to calm her for the last hour playing with her and cuddling her.
Desperate for her to fall asleep I begin to speak because she seemed to enjoy it.
"You want a bed time Story little one?" I ask tickling her little belly with my finger. She squealed looking up to me with those startling turquoise eyes as her lips pulled in the most adorable toothless smile ever.
"Well I can tell you the story of you because it's one of the best I got." I explain as I caress her soft head with my pointer finger as my whole hand was too big.
"You're the granddaughter of very important people you know that? Your grandfather is Ragnar Lothbrok. It won't tell you much but he was a great man. Not as great as your papa of course." I smile down at her as she grabs one of my fingers holding it in her tiny hands.
I knew that Hella would trust me even with a knife against her throat which might be the biggest mistake of hers. But this... this little human trusted me more than anything to protect her. She would never have to be afraid of my rough hands I would make sure of that.
"The people will try to hurt you because of me... and I hate myself for that my baby. But I will protect you till my last breath, I hope you know that." I mumble kissing her little forehead as I continue to fondle her, her eyelids already getting heavier.
"And then there's your mother. I'm unsure if you know her like you know me but she loves you just as much if not more. She's the best that has ever happened to me. She's pure hearted and like no other. You have her hair and her smile little one. Perhaps you even have her gifts but how am I supposed to know that? She gave it all to give me a child because that's the kind of person she is. She's a little crazy but I really love her." I confess to my little girl feeling like I haven't said these words enough in my life.
I look over to my wife who is laying on her back, her chest slowly moving to her weak breaths. Her usually rosy face is pale and her full brows are knitted together as if in pain. Like often these days here eyelids twitch, her long lashes fanning her blue undereyes. Like she's dreaming she sometimes moves but it's never for long and whatever I try she won't react.
"See?" I whisper as I lean to her so my daughters eyes are now on her mother.
"She's pretty isn't she?" I mumble as the babies face begins to lighten up like she somehow recognised Helena.
I move a little closer to her deep down seeking the comfort of her touch so the baby could have a better look at her and smile as she reaches out for her mother.
I'm almost touching her when something seems off. She stirs suddenly more than usual and it all happens so quickly when she suddenly cracks open her eyes a little.
What is happening?!
"Helena?" I ask hesitantly to make sure I wasn't dreaming.
Her eyes open more as she looks me in the eyes, small tears escaping them.
This can't be real.
"I'm here." I assure her as a small tear escapes my eyes. Did we trick the gods again? Did we rewrite our fate?
I want to lean down and kiss her till I'm out of breath when I remember the little person in my arms. Our daughter seems to sense that her mother is awake as she's beginning to cry catching all the attention.
Hella sits up her pale face scanning what I hold in my arms as she chokes on her cry, her hand flying to her mouth.
"Oh gods!" she whimpers as the baby cries and cries.
"How long have I been out?" she asks sounding broken.
"A couple of days but that's unimportant now. You're here again." I assure her grabbing her ice cold hands and placing a soft kiss on the back if it.
I grab it to lead it to our daughter when she quickly pulls away looking worried.
"I'm scared... to hurt her." she confesses glancing between me and her.
"She needs you." Is all I say as I move the baby from my arms to hers.
She cries even more and I can see how much it breaks Hella to see her daughter not recognising her.
"It's mama my baby." She mumbles as she holds her tightly. The baby looks up at her, seas meeting forests, and I didn't think my heart could hold more love for them as it already had. I feel like it's going to burst as the baby calms looking up her mother for the first time.
"She's beautiful." she mumbles as tears stream down her pale face.
"She takes after her mother." I answer wishing I could capture this moment somehow.
"I think she looks more like her father." she chuckles stroking her cheek with her thumb. The baby begins to smile at her touch and I instantly have to smile as well.
"She's healthy though. Strongest little legs I've ever seen." I tell her and it's like it's the first time she fully recognised my presence beside her as she stares up to me smiling.
"Of course she is." she whispers kissing the little nose of our daughter.
"She needs to be fed soon." I tell her suggesting that she's doing it.
She leans back on the headboard freeing herself of the dress she was wearing and my eyes instantly glue to her full chest. She holds the baby's mouth against her nipple and the baby instantly latches on seeming very relaxed.
"I missed you."I whisper hoping the baby would fall asleep after this. I needed her, needed her comfort after all that has happened.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there." she croaks out her voice still sounding damaged by the screams she had made during the birth.
"You're here now." I answer unsure how to touch her. It's all I wanted but I was scared to hurt her. Would she allow me to kiss her? There would be no reason why she wouldn't allow it but still... it felt wrong to give in to my need to feel her skin while she's fighting for her life after birthing my child.
"I never experienced so much pain but it was worth it in the end." she smiles like a little girl looking down on the almost sleeping baby that is still busy drinking.
"It was. She's the best little baby you could imagine." I answer leaning in to kiss her temple. She looks up to me a little hesitant before connecting our lips causing my face to flush.
"I didn't think I'd get the chance to ever do this again." I confess smirking down the woman I made mine.
"You have me for the rest of my life. I promised you that didn't I?" She chuckles as the baby stops sucking seeming passed out just by being near her mother.
Hella gently lays the baby between us and turns to her side glaring at the child as it sleeps.
"She sleeps just like you." she notes as she strokes the little ones nose with her pinkie.
"I would love if she slept as much as I as well." I huff out laying down on my side as well so we are face to face.
"Has my little Mel kept her daddy awake?" she grins looking up to me.
"Mel?"
"I've been thinking about her name. I want to name her Melinoe like the child of Persephone and Hades. Goddess of restless spirits and madness. How fitting for such a violent little monster who looks so innocent." She speaks smiling down our daughter.
"Little Mel hm? I think I like that." I agree throwing away all the nordic names I had planned in my head. Of course it would be something Greek. But it fit and I can see myself calling her that.
"Her naming ceremony is in three days." I tell her knowing she probably had no idea what that was.
"Its were I decide if I claim the child as mine or let it die which is obviously no choice."
"Why would someone reject their baby?" she asks cuddling closer to Mel who was fast asleep.
"If she was sick or i wasn't sure that the baby was mine."- I tell her
"And you're sure she's yours?" she jokes as I look down to my two most favourite girls.
"Have you looked at her? She's a Lothbrok through and through." I smile down at my girl that was clutching her mothers finger with her tiny ones.
"The nerve she had to scramble my insides for nine months just to come out looking like her father." she smirks kissing the baby and me causing my heart to jump again.
I can't believe she's awake, kissing me and talking like nothing happend. Tomorrow I could wake up without her and it's making me crazy.
"I thought I had lost you forever." I mumble as a silent tear of anger rolls down my cheek. Anger because loosing her was something I had never even thought about and suddenly it was so close
"There are many things I want to tell you Ivar but for now I need to rest. Let's go to bed." she suggests kissing away my tear as she comes even closer so I can embrace both of my girls tightly. It's all I never thought I could have and suddenly it could all be ripped away from me.
My hurtful thoughts are cut short but the silent little snors of my baby that pull me into a deep sleep holding the only two things that matter tightly against me.
...
Hey dears :)))
So I'm writing more again as you can see. The next chapters will be out this weekend. I hope you enjoy this chapter till then and if you do I would really appreciate a comment or vote.
ALSO THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR OVER 20K READS LIKE WTFF HOW DID IT GET THIS FAR???
Till next time xxx