nini sighed as she frustratedly put her script down, not being able to focus properly on what she was doing.
she took her phone, scrolling through her notifications, seeing texts and missed calls from ricky and she took a deep breath before hearing her doorbell ring
"guys," nini groaned as she got up and made her way towards her door to open it "i thought i already told you i wanted some alone-"
she stops when she sees ricky standing out in the hall of her building with his jacket on, looking at her
"hey." he breathes
nini opens her mouth and quickly grabs him by the arm, pulling him into the apartment as she checked around the hall before closing the door
"neens what was that for-"
"tell me you didn't come in from the front entrance of the building." nini questioned, facing him
"of course i didn't neens, i'm not stupid." he sighs
nini hummed "sorry if i thought you forgot about it seeing as that's how things have been lately."
"nini, it's just a surprise party! i-"
"no, ricky, you don't get it! it's not just the surprise party. it's the fact that we see each other everyday, we talk almost all the time, and you didn't think to tell me about one of your best friend's birthday party? seems a little important to me doesn't it?"
"yes, okay nini i get it!" ricky exclaims "it's just that me and lily are friends neens, it came up in conversation and i wasn't not going to invite her! plus, benjamin told me how it'll be good seeing as she's my-"
"i'm your girlfriend ricky." nini replied, her voice shaking slightly "me. not her."
ricky looked at how hurt she was and sighed "i know that angel-"
nini folded her arms and swallowed "do you?"
the boy looked at her, taken aback "what?"
"you know, me being the secret girlfriend and having to watch everything from behind the curtains-"
"nini-"
"means that i see a lot." she continued, ignoring ricky and feeling her eyes sting "i see how you take lily to the places i found when we were eighteen. how you reuse things you do with me that i thought were special."
"no, you have it all wrong." ricky said determined as he made his way towards her "nini, i promise-"
"you always promise." nini said as a tear fell from her cheek "but why are they always just breaking?"
"bubs," ricky said quietly, his eyes searching her face
nini sniffled "i can't hold your hand in the street, i can't kiss you when i want to. i'm supposed to be your girlfriend-"
"you are my girlfriend." ricky told her, cupping her face "and i want-more than anything-for us to be like that-"
"then why can't we?" nini questioned, more tears falling from her eyes as she looked at him "why can't we just-tell the world we're together? that we're in love?"
ricky felt his heart sink as he frowned "nini, you know that can't happen, what about our careers? the fans-"
"and what about us?!" she questioned "i can't keep hiding and ignore the fact that i might lose you-"
"you're not losing me!" he exclaims
"then why are you still with her?!" she yells, stepping back
"because this is what's keeping us together!" ricky replies desperately
nini shook her head "no ricky! this is tearing us apart!"
ricky stopped, his eyes glossy as he took a shaky breath "don't say that."
nini sniffled and shuddered a breath as she let a few more tears fall "it's true." she whispered "...i-i can't keep being hidden in the dark. at least not while you're still with her-"
"no." he said, shaking his head "nini, no-"
"ricky-"
"i love you." he said pleadingly, taking her hands before cupping her face "please, baby-"
nini felt more tears fall from her face "i-i can't keep watching you be with her."
"i don't want to be with her." ricky said as a tear finally fell from his eye "please-i want to be with you!"
"we never thought this through." she said shakily, bringing her hands to his and pulling them away from his face "w-we just jumped in-"
"don't say it neens." he pleaded as more tears fell "please-"
nini swallowed down her tears as she sniffled and shook her head, looking down "w-we need to break up ricky."
the boy felt his whole world crashing down at those words. four years. four years of them being happy, going through the obstacles together, and they never once came to the conclusion of a pause or a break up. they never thought it would ever happen. they didn't want it to either.
but nini couldn't keep watching ricky slowly develop feelings for another girl while she was stuck behind closed doors. she knows him well enough to see that they were losing sync slightly. they were still grasping onto something they needed to let go at least until this public relationship was over.
ricky simply looked at her in disbelief, his eyes were now red and his cheeks were stained with tears, nini mirroring his expression as she looked into his eyes
"y-you can't be saying this." he said weakly "i-w-"
nini cried as she looked up at the ceiling "i-i love you. so much that-that it hurts sometimes."
she laughed bitterly and looked back down at her fingers
"but-four years of us is too much right now. a-and you need to keep your image, whatever benjamin wants that to be-"
"i don't care about my image." he said
nini slowly turned away and made her way towards her door, opening it up and looking at him "t-this is what's best for now. p-please just do the same." she squeaked, looking at him
when he didn't move, nini felt more tears sting her eyes and her lips were quivering as she gazed at him desperately
"p-please."
ricky felt his heart shatter at the sound of her voice; it was so weakened, fragile, hopeless. he hated hearing her like this. he hated the fact that he wasn't able to prevent her from feeling like this. prevent everything happening right now. but he didn't.
he took all of his strength, making his way towards the doorway as he looked at her, seeing her shudder her cries as she returned his gaze.
"i'm not going to stop fighting for us nini." he whispered "whatever it takes."
nini swallowed a cry as he left the apartment, closing the door behind him before she suddenly let her cries overtake her as she leaned back against the wooden surface.
he was going to fight. but she just didn't know if he was strong enough to.