Vicrul POV-
"Babe do you want anything?" I leaned down and brushed a few hairs out of Kara's face as she lay curled up on the couch. It had been three days since Ap'lek had been killed by Rey and Ushar had been put into a coma.
"No. Thank you though." She whispered into her stuffed otter that was pressed to her nose. Tears rolled down her cheeks still. The tears had been a constant for the both of us.
I tried to stay strong for her but I was breaking inside myself. I had known Ap'lek for nine years. And all nine of those he had been a brother to me. He had been a brother to us all. Ushar I had known just over six years but it felt like he had always been there with the Knights. I couldn't imagine a life without him or without Ap'lek.
I sat on the edge of the couch with my hip touching Kara's thighs over the fuzzy blanket she had pulled up and over her shoulders. I turned to look at the TV that had been on a constant repeat of Star Wars cartoons and movies since we got home. It was what Ushar and Kara always watched together. I watched the shows and movies with her and actually started to like most of it. I couldn't really get into the cartoons, that would have to be her and Ushar's thing. But the live action movies were really good. I definitely liked the show with the silver bounty hunter and his little green son. It was the show my Halloween costume was from and I wasn't ashamed to say I was a little obsessed.
"We have to leave soon for the doctor, babe." I rubbed her back and she groaned. "Come on. I put it off for a day already. You have to get checked. You were shot twice and stabbed. You should have gone immediately when we got back."
Kara's chest heaved a sighed and she grumbled. "I don't want to get up."
I smiled and slid my arms under her body, scooping her up and pulling her to me. I pressed my face to her neck and almost gagged. "When was the last time you showered babe?"
"When we got back." She spoke softly as I carried her straight to the bathroom.
I set her down on the counter and spun to turn the shower on. I faced back to her and pulled the stuffed otter from her hands and set it on the counter. I pulled my t-shirt that she was wearing off over her head and then pulled her panties down and tossed everything in the hamper. She smelled like sweat and grief.
"So I have to babysit you and make sure you shower now?" I tried to give her a repressed chuckle.
"I guess." She shrugged and looked at the floor.
"Do you want help?"
"No. I'll do it."
"Okay." I helped her off the counter and she padded across the floor towards the glass door.
Kara stepped into the shower and closed the door behind her. I watched as she stepped under the water and placed her face in the stream. I turned to leave and as I got to the door I heard her voice drift out of the shower stall.
"Vic."
I slowly moved back to the shower. "Yeah, babe?"
"Come in here."
Without a word I stripped and stepped into the shower with my little dear. I could see the fresh waves of tears staining her face. I pulled her to me and held her tight as her shoulders shook with the weight of the world.
"I'm sorry." She whispered. "It's my fault."
"It's not your fault. Why would you say that?"
"We were hidden. But I jumped out. I wanted her blood for what she did to Ren. I wanted it for what she did to all of you. And he followed me. He stayed by my side and was probably so focused on me he didn't see...I... don't know. I know it's all my fault."
"Babe, they had armor piercing rounds. Ap'lek would have seen the gun aimed at him and not flinched because we're supposed to be bullet proof." I sighed and stroked my hand down her hair. "Ap'lek knew what he was doing, you can't blame yourself for his death. We all want to take that blame right now. You know Cardo is blaming himself because he fired that first shot and alerted to our presence."
"Ushar's my fault." She choked on her words as a new wave of tears fell.
"How? You were killing Rey when that happened."
"He tried to connect to my helmet. Right after I put on Ap'lek's helmet. I saw the call but ignored it. I ignored all the calls that came to Ap'lek's helmet too. If I had talked to Ushar. If I had told him Ap'lek was dead he never would have taken his helmet off to check him. It's all my fault."
"We'll never know until he wakes up. Someone could have ambushed him and pulled his helmet off." I tried to console her as best I could but I understood her train of thought.
I held her to my chest and let her cry for a little while before I backed her up and pushed her under the water. I tilted her head and wet her hair, leaning down to place a kiss on her nose. I soaked her hair before shampooing it, rinsing it and adding her conditioner. I pulled her out of the stream of water and soaped up her loofah. Squatting down I scrubbed her from the bottom up. Kara just stood there like a grieving zombie as I cleaned her. When I moved her back under the water and rinsed her completely she leaned into my chest and wrapped her arms around me.
"I love you, Vicrul."
"I love you too, babe."
"If I never became a Knight would my friends still be alive?"
My heart cracked in half as she spoke in a dead tone and pressed her face to my pecs. I didn't know how to answer her at first. I just stood there and held her tight while I buried my nose in her hair.
"I think that it would have just happened in a different way. Or that different or more Knights could have been killed or hurt. This is a war that's been a long time coming. Hux had armor piercing rounds, babe. You can't ever forget that. He developed them years ago. It's what he and Kylo fought about before Snoke was ever killed. So no, I don't think it would have mattered. But now we know and Cardo and the tech guys are making everyone suites to wear under our armor. And we'll probably all have to get new helmets."
"That sucks. I like my helmet."
"It'll look the same." I turned the water off and grabbed the towel that was hanging just outside the shower door. I wrapped Kara up in the towel and she held it to her shoulders tightly as she stepped out and into the bathroom.
"I don't know how to function without them." She whispered as she pulled her otter from the counter.
I watched her walk away and into the bedroom as I grabbed myself a towel. When I entered the bedroom Kara was curled up on her bed in a little ball, silent tears running down her face. Ap'lek's helmet that had been on her nightstand was under her hand as she pressed her forehead to the cold helmet.
Retreating to the closet I pulled on some clothes for the day and picked out an outfit for Kara. I pulled out her favorite black yoga pants with the pockets and a hoodie that was Star Wars that Ushar had given her with a t-shirt to go underneath it. Heading back to the bed I grabbed her undergarments from her dresser and rolled her onto her back. It was like having a child already. She held the helmet while I slipped her panties, pants and socks on.
Lifting her up to a sitting position I pulled the helmet and the otter from her hands as she protested with quiet whines. I slipped her bra on and she didn't help at all. She just sat there.
"Are you going to help get yourself dressed at all?" I tried to laugh but it came out strangled.
"Hey, you always wanted control. Here you go. You have complete control. I refuse to ever make a decision ever again." She dropped her head as I clipped her bra in the back. "My decision just hurt people."
I watched a tear fall to her leg and I didn't know what to say. I balled up her t-shirt to pull it over her head. When Kara sat up all the way I could see that she was spilling out of her bra. "Umm, your boobs are already bigger."
"Well I have two babies made by your mountain ass growing inside of me." She snapped. "I'm going to get bigger. Get over it."
"Oh babe, I'm not complaining about bigger boobs. You should know me better than that."
"You are a boob man." She actually almost laughed. "I hate this."
I didn't know what to say so I pulled her shirt on her and she pushed her arms through the sleeves. I handed her the sweatshirt and she pulled it on herself before stuffing her otter in the big pocket. When I went to put her shoes on she took them and slipped them on herself. Kara slid off the bed and pulled up her hood as she walked to the front door. She stood there waiting. No keys, no backpack, she really was giving me control over everything.
I grabbed my keys and wallet before pulling on a jacket. "What car do you want to take?"
"I don't care. I told you I'm done making decisions. Don't ask me anything."
"Okay then." I opened the door and herded her to the garage.
When we pulled up behind First Order Headquarters snow had just started to fall. I had decided on one of the SUVs since the weather was turning to shit, I didn't want to risk the sports cars on the roads. I held Kara's hand as I led her to the medical wing and to her doctor. They were already waiting for her and unfortunately it was Sarah's day off since she had been up with Ushar for days.
"Mrs. Ren, right this way." The nurse that was on duty motioned for Kara to follow her.
Kara didn't object at all and followed the nurse quietly. She had Kara strip to a gown and lay back on the table. I pulled a chair up beside the table and reached for Kara's hand which she gave me. The doctor was in the room within five minutes and had Kara's charts pulled up on the rolling cart with the computer on it.
"Okay, what brings you in?" Dr. Critz looked up with a half smile.
"She got shot twice and stabbed on the mission. We need to make sure the babies are okay. Trudgen stitched and dressed the wounds in the field and they look like they're healing fine." I answered for Kara as she laid her head to the side and watched me, not looking at the doctor.
"Shit." Dr. Critz actually looked shocked. He walked up to the bed and looked at Kara's leg where she had been shot. Then he looked at her arm. He pulled the gown aside to see her shoulder where she had been stabbed before he backed up and grabbed the sonogram machine to roll it over. "Well Trudgen is an excellent field medic. He did a good job. I don't think the wounds need any attention from me. They're healing and not infected so that's good. Let's check on the little ones."
"Will you be able to tell if her injuries affected them?" I asked as I squeezed Kara's hand.
"Of course. But I doubt it had any effect on them. She got medical attention and there was no trauma to the belly so she should be fine. It's time for her twelve week exam anyways so we'll do that now as well."
The doctor pulled up Kara's gown and she kept the sheet over her pelvis and legs. She flinched when the cold gel hit her belly. I watched the doctor move the wand over Kara's bump as he looked for the babies. She had only had the one ultrasound before Christmas so I had yet to see the babies in person. I leaned over the edge of the bed as I put my left hand on Kara's head and watched the screen.
Fluttering thumps filled the room as the two heart beats were picked up and then there on the screen were my two little baby demons. "Can you tell what they are yet?" I whispered to the doctor not sure why I was whispering.
"No. We need to wait another eight weeks or so to see it on the sonogram." The doctor pushed a few buttons and took some measurements with the computer touch screen.
"Kara, look." I scratched her head and she pulled her otter up to her nose.
She turned her head and stared at the screen for a few minutes before she spoke. "Can I name one after him, Vicrul?"
"You can name them whatever you want." I stood up and kissed her forehead.
"Then that one is Ap'lek." She pointed to the babies on the monitor. Kara sat up and stared at the screen before she reached out and pulled the monitor to her. She tried to touch the screen and her belly at the same time but she fell back. I put my hands behind her and supported her as she held her belly and dragged her fingers over the monitor.
"Can you tell them apart right now doc?" I looked at Critz who frowned slightly.
He took some more measurements before answering. "Well they're different sizes and in two separate sacs so it shouldn't be too hard but they could switch positions. Which would be impossible to tell if they get to the same size. Baby Ap'lek is slightly bigger."
"That's because he's Ren's." Kara spoke in a haunting voice as she pressed her fingers to the screen. "Don't tell him, though."
"What?" I snapped and looked down at her. The doctor looked confused as well. "How do you know?"
"I just know." Kara sat up a little more. "He's yours." She pointed to the other baby. "Vicrul junior."
I tiled my head to see her face and she had a half cracked smile as she ran her hand over the baby that she said was mine. "Kara, what makes you say that?"
"I had a dream."
My blood chilled. Kara was always having freaky ass dreams about the Knights and some river. "What happened in the dream?"
"The boys were there, they were like three. One is yours and one is Ren's." Kara paused as she let out a heavy sigh. "I dreamed Ap'lek and Ushar were going to leave and they both left."
"Babe, Ushar's just down the hall. He should be fine eventually." I tried to pull her away from the monitor.
"I have to ask," Critz spoke up. "Is paternity a question that needs to be answered?"
"No, I already know." Kara ghosted her words over the room and I shivered.
She was really starting to freak me out. I looked at the doctor and nodded. He understood. He had worked for the First Order for a long time. He knew Kylo well. Critz nodded and took the wand away from Kara's belly. He turned off the monitor and pushed the computer away from the bed. Kara laid back and stared at the ceiling as she held her otter to her nose again.
"I want to do a couple more tests, Kara. Are you alright with that?" Critz stood next to the bed.
Kara shrugged and continued to stare at the ceiling. The doctor left and the nurse arrived not long after to take some blood. They had Kara head to the bathroom and pee in a cup to check something else and then the doctor came in and made Kara put her feet in the stirrups. I watched him as I held Kara's hand. She seemed unbothered by the entire ordeal and just laid there petting her otter.
"Babe, when was the last dream you had about the Knights?" I was freaking out a little about her weird ass dreams. I remembered the one where she said Kylo chased her and accused her of killing his baby. And then there was the one where I was gone and she was pregnant and with Kylo.
"Not that long ago. Cardo and Kuruk are the only ones that never leave." She whispered as she finally looked at me. "You leave. Ap'lek was always the first to disappear. Ushar leaves but then he's there sometimes. It's like he's stuck between places. Trudgen comes and goes. And you leave now. You're almost never there anymore." She sniffled back a tear. "Ren's always there though."
"When I'm there, where am I?
"On the other side of the river. I can't ever get to you." She wiped her eyes. "Ren's always near me. Even when he's blaming me and trying to kill me."
"Ren would never kill you." I pressed a kiss to her forehead. "What side of the river are the boys on?"
"Both. It depends on the dream. Sometimes everyone is there, it's just that the river splits up and the rapids are too strong to cross it." She blinked and tears fell. "The part that's been repeating lately is where Ren chases me and knocks me down after you disappear. He screams at me. 'There is nothing I can do for you. You killed them all. The Knights, my love, my baby. You're responsible.'. It's my fault they're all gone."
"Kara, babe, it's just a dream." I stroked her cheek and wiped her tears.
The doctor finished what he was doing and left the room. I helped Kara get redressed as she silently cried. We walked out of the room and Kara turned right instead of left which was the way out. I followed her to see where she was going. She stopped in front of a door and grabbed the knob. When she opened it a bed lay inside and lying on top of it was Ushar.
"How? How did you know what room?" I looked down at my little deer and could have sworn she was a witch.
"Sarah. She gave me his room number." Kara replied and walked inside.
"Oh." I sighed and shook my head. Kara was out of her mind. Sure she had crazy dreams but that didn't mean she could predict anything.
The hospital bed was large and Ushar lay in the middle. I watched Kara try to climb up on it and I ended up standing behind her so she wouldn't roll back. She tucked her face into Ushar's chest and began to cry quietly. I heard her whispering to him but I could barely make it out. She was mostly begging him to come back. Telling him how much she needed him. That she missed him and that she didn't know what to do without him and Ap'lek and that she was sorry.
I stood behind Kara for a long time and eventually my legs started to give out. I pulled a chair to me to sit down and pressed my head to her back while I pulled out my phone. Ren had sent a text that he needed to see us before we left. He would be in his office whenever we were ready and he had something for us to sign. I told him we were with Ushar and he text telling me to take my time.
Hours ticked by while I sat there holding Kara to the bed. At one point her breath evened out and she fell asleep. A knock sounded on the door and a nurse poked her head in. "The doctor has the results if you want them."
"How the fuck did he get them so fast?" I lifted the bars on the side of the bed and made sure Kara was asleep and secure.
"We're the First Order, sir. We can do things a lot faster than a basic hospital." She replied with a restrained smile and I followed her to the Critz's office down the hall. She left as soon as I turned the handle and walked in.
"Vicrul." Critz looked over his desk at me as I took a seat in one of the chairs. "I don't know what or how this happened. I don't want to know. You have to tell him. Because I'm not getting in the middle of your daytime talk show."
"What?" I looked at him as he handed me a folder.
"She was right. The larger baby is Mr. Ren's. The slightly smaller child is yours. And they're both boys."
"What the fuck?" I muttered under my breath as I stared at the folder with charts I didn't understand. "I'll talk to him. Don't worry about it. Don't say shit to anyone. Do you understand?"
Critz nodded and took the folder back. "Am I to understand you will be taking full responsibility for both boys?"
"I don't give a fuck what that says." I pointed at the folder. "Those boys are mine. You know as well as I do what would happen if people found out Kylo had a son."
"I do. The child is safest without Ren knowing at all. But that's for you to decide, Vicrul." Critz sat back in his chair and looked like he was hesitating. He finally spit out what he wanted to say. "How did she know?"
I sighed and shook my head as I looked out the window. "She has these crazy dreams sometimes. She dreamed that Ap'lek would die and that something would happen to Ushar. Now she's dreamed about the twins and it's true so I don't know what to do."
Critz was quiet for a moment. "I knew her father."
"What?" I narrowed my eyes at the older man. "How?"
"We worked together. It was horrible what happened to her parents." He sighed and reached for the wattle bottle on his desk. "When I did her DNA panel when she first came in with Ushar, she looked like her mother and I ran the panel for matches in the First Order system. I thought she was missing or dead. It's a miracle that she found the Knights of all people and is now in the situation she's in."
"If you tell-"
"I would never. Her father was my friend. I know what happened to her sister. I know what Snoke did. Very few of us knew. I did though." Critz paused. "Pryde was there the day it happened."
"What?" Anger inside of me was threatening to consume my soul at Critz's words.
"Pryde was one of Snoke's special minions back then. He was at the house when her parents were killed." Critz knew what he was telling me without saying it out loud. Pryde had raped Kara's mother before she died. All of Snoke's men had.
"Do you know who the others were?"
"Yes, they're all dead." He said with a blank expression. "Pryde is the only one left. He was too high up to become cannon fodder. Or have an accident." He stared into my eyes and I knew what he was saying. "They were my friends, Vicrul. I will take amazing care of Kara and the twins."
I nodded as I stood up. "Thank you, Critz. You have no idea what that means to me."
"It's my pleasure to look after her. It's what they would have wanted. And they would have liked you, ya know. Her father would have really liked you."
My heart tightened and I felt tears spring to my eyes at the man's words. I swallowed and gave him a stiff nod. I turned to leave and before I got halfway across the office Critz called me back.
"I almost forgot, her sugars are a little high. Make sure she's not having soda or high sugar juice. Get her kids juice that's been watered down. They make juice boxes like that and then limit her to two a day. Other than that she can have water or milk, not chocolate milk though." Critz laughed. "She was always running around with a sippy cup filled with chocolate milk when she was a kid."
"You knew her then?"
"Yes, she was a fun kid. And a hell of a shot ever since she was able to hold a gun."
I laughed. "She still is."
"I suppose that's how she won your heart."
"No, she just looked at me like a deer caught in headlights. It was adorable." I opened the door and exited his office.
I couldn't fucking belive that Dr. Critz had known Kara as a kid. I guess it made sense since her father had worked for the First Order. It made me sad to think of sweet innocent little Kara running around with a sippy cup of chocolate milk. I would have killed to see those pictures but Snoke had taken all the pictures from the Walker's home. Not a single family photo remained and we had no clue what he did with them. I walked back to Ushar's room and sat back in my chair. I'd let Kara sleep a little longer before I woke her up to head to Ren's office. And I wouldn't tell him. It would only cause him stress to know. And it didn't matter anyways. Those were my boys, and I was going to be the one raising them. Baby Ap'lek and baby Vicrul Junior. My sons.