She didn't say anything as she lied back-down on the bed, the light pink on her cheeks only growing darker as he pulled the black shirt over her head and off of her body, throwing it aside. "Is the door locked?"
"Uh..."
Den slid off the bed and checked, finding out that he had indeed locked it. "Yeah. Why, you don't want an audience?" he asked teasingly, getting back on the bed with her and tugging off her pants, sliding them down the smooth curves of her hips before throwing them aside, too.
Esti brought her knees together, shy and almost embarrassed that she was doing this with den. It wasn't like it was their first time, they had fucked a little over the course of their 'friendship', maybe four or five times in total, but even then it didn't feel wrong. They always had fun, always just a quick 'fuck and go' kind of situation.
So why did it feel so different now? Was it because she was with someone? Was it because she was letting him back in after making her fucking crumble? Who knew? She didn't.
Stripping his own clothes off, Den got on top of her and kissed her lips with a little hesitance, his hand sliding under her back to unhook her bra and smoothly remove it. He wasn't incredibly fond of kissing on the lips, but he made an exception for Esti.
At least he had the decency to ask "Is it okay for me to make hickeys?" as he slipped a hand into her panties and pressed two fingers against her cunt.
"I... I'd rather you not." She muttered quietly, biting her bottom lip as she looked away from Den. She wasn't supposed to be doing this. Fuck. "... just.. make them on my chest or... somewhere not visible if you do."
Den made a small disappointed noise as he kissed her cheek, starting to finger her at a rather rapid pace. "Okayyyyyy... but only if you let me cum in you."
Moving down to her chest, he bit her white skin, in the process of making the first of many hickeys. He crooked his fingers a little, kissing a trail up her sternum back to her lips. "Okay?"
She let out a soft, stifled whimper as she turned her head into the pillow. "Okay," she breathed out, pushing her hips down shamefully on his fingers.
He smiled, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips and taking his hand away, instead grinding against her with his hard cock.
She moved her hands to the side of his face, pulling it closer and pressing her lips against Den's, tilting her head slightly.
Her heart hurt. She knew he wouldn't love her, but she could at least try to enjoy this whilst it lasted.
Den pushed in and started to fuck her right away, not seeing any point in taking it slow. He took his time with kissing her, though, slipping his tongue into her mouth and deepening the kiss as he pounded into her.
Esti opened her mouth helplessly, her hands moving to his back as she dug her nails into his skin, trying to grab at something. Whimpers and mewls escaped from the back of her throat as her thighs wrapped themselves around his waist, arching her back as she tried to keep kissing him.
He relaxed his pace a little, still kissing her and inadvertently muffling the cute noises she was making, making sure to get as deep as possible in her.
Ukraine couldn't do this for her. Only Den. Only he was able to make her act this way, not some stupid rebound boyfriend.
Well, that was what he liked to think, anyways. It wasn't up to him if Esti fucked someone else.
Esti cracked her eyes open as she pulled away from the kiss, panting hot breaths of air as a string of saliva snapped between their lips, her eyes half-lidded as her face was fitted with a red dusting, even her ears showing hues of pink as she whimpered Den's name onto his lips, clawing at his back as she whined out cutely.
What a perfect little whore.
Den bit her lower lip and tugged lightly, continuing to fuck her, enjoying the feel of her tight walls hugging his cock. "Are you a good girl for me?" he murmured softly, not really giving her a chance to catch her breath and respond. "Are you my good girl? You are, aren't you?"
She tried to squirm a little, letting out a whimper of his name into his mouth as she nodded, gasping out a small 'yes' when he thrusted into her just right, her nails digging into his back again as her eyes shut, head falling back to reveal the perfect white skin of her neck.
He kissed her throat softly, like he was encouraging her to moan louder for him, then using his teeth and lips to nip at her skin and create small hickeys that stood out against her pale skin. He couldn't care less who heard them. If anything, he wanted people to hear. Fuck Ukraine. Den didn't want Esti anywhere near that guy.
Well... Den was pretty sure that Ukraine wasn't a bad person. He just, for some reason, really hated the idea of him dating Esti, and them doing couple-y shit together. It bothered him.
Den bit her neck hard, abusing one certain spot until it was dark and bruised under his lips.
Esti moaned out, tightening around him as she wrapped her arms around his neck as if she was encouraging him to bruise her neck, even though she had told him not to.
"More," she whimpered out desperately, "please,"
He did as she asked, fucking her harder until she was breathless and marking her skin in places it would be difficult to cover up.
"Do you love me?" he asked, moving his mouth to her ear and biting lightly. "Say it. Say you love me." He wanted to hear her say it. That she loved him.
Esti gasped out desperately for air as she dug her nails into his back again, eyes going teary as she whimpered. "I love you!" She cried out desperately, "God— fuck— hhhah! I love you so much, Den!"
A hot tear ran down her red cheek as she bit her lip hard, voice wavering as she moaned his name.
They finished a few moments later, Den slowing down and pulling out, catching his breath as he kissed her softly, mumbling quiet praises about what a good girl she was and that he loved her too.
Esti panted hard, her nails no longer clawing at his back as she let her head drop back on the pillow, her hickey-littered chest rising and falling as her eyes closed and she listened to his voice. There was something in her chest, butterflies rattling against her ribcage as if she was nervous, but... it felt like a good kind of nervous. Almost relief, if anything.
"Den," her voice was raspy when she spoke after a few minutes of silence, fluttering her eyes open before looking at his face in the dark, trying to make out his features.
Den didn't answer for several seconds, laying gentle kisses over her neck and face. "Yes, darling? Did I hurt you?"
Esti carefully brought her hands up to the sides of his face, rubbing her thumbs over his cheeks as she stared at him for a few seconds.
Then, her chest caved in. She realised what she did. She wasn't any better than any of her teammates at all. She was just the same;
She was a whore. That was it. She wasn't special at all, just some other girl den fucked and would eventually discard like a used condom. This was it.
Esti's parted lips shut and she visibly weakened as tears stung her eyes, slowly pouring down her cheeks as she tried her best to curl up, covering her face with her laboured palms.
She felt like a crumpled piece of paper. An idea that just wasn't good enough.
"Darling? Esti?" Propping himself up on his elbows, Den tried to remove her hands from her face, confused. "Baby, what's wrong?" Did he actually hurt her? Fuck, sometimes he just got over excited.
When she didn't answer, he kissed her forehead and tried cuddling her instead, wanting to make her feel better. :(
The stream of tears never seemed to end as she kept wiping them away with her palms, only hiccups leaving her trembling lips as she brought her knees up— or attempted to— to make her feel safer, more comfortable— smaller, as if it would help.
"I'm just a whore," she sputtered out, "I'm just a whore."
"No-- no... Esti, you're not..." Den didn't let her curl up too much, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close. "You're not a whore, darling, you haven't done anything wrong."
"I'm not special," she continued to sob, wiping away her tears, "I'm so fucking annoying, oh god,"
It took her a bit to calm down, her tears finally coming to a halt eventually as she clung to him tight, exhausted.
"Den, do you love me?"
He was once again silent, stroking her hair and not answering. "...Your hair's pretty," he muttered.
"Do you love me, Den?"
Den twirled a lock of her hair around his finger as he focused on that instead of her question, shrugging the best he could while lying down. "Doesn't matter. Bet Ukraine loves you."
She tried to punch him gently, hitting his chest multiple times gently as each burst grew softer, weaker, more defeated.
"It does matter," her voice weakened more, as if she was crying-- her tears were all dry, though, and there probably weren't many tears left to cry behind her eyes anyway. "It does... just fucking tell me..."
He exhaled softly, brushing some of her hair back behind her ear as he gave her the standard answer. "You know how I am with commitment, Esti. Don't ask me something like that."
"It's fucking bullshit." The anger in her tone was clear. "It's all fucking bullshit. I fucking hate you. I fucking hate you so fucking much. You're fucking bullshitting right now, you piece of shit. I know you care. I know you care! I know you fucking care!" She tried to shove him off, squirming around aggressively as she clenched her teeth. "You care! I know you fucking care! You've got to! You have to... you love me... please."
Just as spontaneously as it had arrived, her anger dissipated as she accepted the heaviness of his words, her fist against his shoulder sliding off wordlessly onto the bed as she felt herslef grow cold again, staring at the ceiling of the now dead apartment.
People had already left. The party was over.
Den blinked, staring at her, surprised by her outburst. "Of course I care for you... but--"
"Shut the fuck up." she spat, still not completely happy with the answer she was given. "Shut the fuck up. Shut up. Shut up, shut up, shut up-- get off of me. Go. I don't want to know you. Find a different fucking whore." she tried desperately to push him off, fuelled with anger and hate yet again.
"Esti, not this again..." He kept a firm hold on her so she wouldn't slip away. "We've already been through the not-knowing-each-other thing, I don't want to do that again. I want to be friends, I want to see you back on the court."
"God, for fuck's sake Den can't you see?" she dug her nails into his arms, huffing from her violent attempts to escape. "Can't you fucking see what you're doing to me? You call me all sorts of endearing names one minute, tell me that you miss me and I'm the one you want and then you go ahead and fucking say that you don't want to stay committed to me? Tell me what you fucking want Den because I'm tired, all these tears I've cried for you and you still want more, what do you want from me?"
He frowned a little, his hold on her loosening. "I don't wanna make you cry... I just want to be with you. Not date."
Esti's heart ripped the more he talked.
"If you don't want to date me then why do you care so much if I date someone else! Den I don't get it, I don't-- I-- I--..... I..." Esti tried to push him away again, going back to squirming. "I've shown you how fucking vulnerable I am and you still undermine it and still go off ripping me apart like im just one of your fucking bitches! That's all I am to you, aren't I? That's it. That's why."
"That's different, he was hugging and kissing you!" he shot back, not liking how she was poking holes in his flawless logic. "You're not one of my 'bitches,' Esti, it's not like I'm trying to hurt you!"
"So what?" Esti looked up at him, eyes glossy like she was going to cry again. "So what if he kisses me? Why do you care so fucking much when im trying to move on from a dead end!?"
Den avoided eye contact, his frown turning into more of a pout. "I'm not a dead end."
"I told you I loved you and you told me how you didn't want to date!" She shoved him, or, tried to. "What do you mean you're not a dead end! You don't want to date, that's final! I'm trying to move on so why are you not letting me do that?!"
"I don't want you to move on, then you're gonna ignore me again..."
"You can find another girl just like me, the world is full of people." She loosened her grip on him. "I'm just the fucking same-old same-old Estonia, fucked up and has to take drugs because she can't fucking sleep and can't fucking move on from her best friend that she fell in love with. Is that who you really want to fucking hang around with? A druggie that fell in love with her friend? A murderer? What kind of influence am I on you?"
Den used one hand to cup the side of her face, running his thumb over her cheekbone. "Well, I'm not a great influence either, I don't get why you're making such--"
"You haven't fucking killed someone, you haven't taken drugs. I'm the worst influence. I'm not a good person. I'm not anything to anyone and I never will be. Go. Please. Go, just leave, please."
He took a few seconds to think before shaking his head, hugging her waist tight and pushing his face into her neck, closing his eyes. Couldn't this wait until tomorrow? "You're not a bad person, Esti. And I have done drugs. I ate marijuana once at a party and threw up."
Esti tried pushing him off once more, weakly. "I can't... I can't do this anymore... I should have pulled the trigger. Fuck, just leave me alone Den, this... "
She went quiet after that. No words leaving her sealed lips as she lay limp, staring at a point in the wall this time, a flavorful change from the ceiling.
Yeah, like he'd leave her alone after she said something like that. Den kept his eyes closed and cuddled her, mumbling softly. "I miss you, Esti, I don't want you to avoid me. I want to hug you and sleep with you. Just sleep. But the other kind of sleep too."
Den just wished everything could go back to the way it was before. "I don't want you to date Ukraine.."
"Fine, I'll break up with him, I won't ignore you. That's what you want, right?"
He nodded slowly, mulling it over. "And you'll kiss me?"
"Friends don't do that." She muttered, cold. "I won't kiss you."
"But... but we're best friends." He lifted his head out of her neck and looked at her face. "That means we get to kiss. But you can only kiss me."
"No, it doesn't." Esti focused on the wall. "Best friends don't kiss. Best friends don't fuck, don't cuddle, don't sleep with one another."
Den went quiet, pouting again, upset that she had shut him down so fast. "So... are we better than best friends or something?"
"You don't want to date. We're not going to do anything that involves romantic or sexual attraction." she glared at the wall, hard. "This is what you wanted. We're friends, only friends, i'm not dating anybody. No commitment. Go fuck any girl you like, I can't get mad."
"But... but what if I only want to fuck you... then what?" This was so unfair.
"Think of me when you fuck a girl or jerk off."
He grumbled softly under his breath. "That's not the same. I want to fuck you, not fuck my hand."
"We can't. We're friends. Friends don't do that." she shut him down with no hesitance.
"We're best friends. If I can kiss the homies goodnight, then that means I get to kiss you too."
"You don't get to kiss me." She shut him off again, "no commitment."
"So what do I have to do to be able to kiss you...? We kissed before when we were friends..." Den's lips tugged downward. It wasn't like he kissed a lot of girls, so he didn't want to lose his one source of kisses that he actually liked. "Can I still hug you...?"
"If you want to kiss me then you have to date me. If you want to fuck me then you have to date me. But you don't want to date me, so you can't."
"...What if we just exclusively fuck each other?" Den offered hopefully. That was pretty close to dating without actually dating.
"How can I trust you?" She spoke spitefully. "No commitment. Deal with it." she spoke between her teeth, jaw tense. Deal with it like I had to.