It had been a couple of months since Bucky Barnes had showed up at Elizabeth's doorstep and it was safe to say they got along better than expected.
It was hard at first, him never saying words that had more than two syllables. Elizabeth would try to visit as often as she could, at least every other day. Sam was under the impression that she had gone out to buy food. Which she had, just not for them.
"What is this?" Bucky had asked her gruffly as she slid a cup of spicy instant noodles towards him.
"Just try it," She persuaded from her seat opposite him on the counter. Elizabeth watched as he picked up a fork with his metal hand. He picked up a strand of the red noodle coated in hot sauce before sticking it in his mouth.
Elizabeth nearly fell out of her chair in laughter at Bucky's expression. His eyes instantly went wide and his jaw stopped chewing. He sat there frozen in place until is mouth opened and he let the half chewed noodles fall out.
"Lizzie, what the fuck?" he questioned her. His face red and eyes watery.
Elizabeth took note of that as the first time that he had called her Lizzie. Also as the first time he had sworn in front of her. He immediately apologised for 'using such vulgar language in front of a lady.'
"It's fine, Bucky." She waved away his old fashioned apology. "In fact, I think I may curse more than you."
He chuckled as he ran his flesh hand through his long dark hair. "I doubt it," he muttered. "Besides, my mother always said never to say bad things in front of a lady."
Elizabeth stopped her movements at prodding at her noodles with a fork. Her head snapped up to look at Bucky in surprise. "What did you say?" she asked. It would happen like this sometimes. Bucky would get small memories from his past back, Elizabeth more often than not was there with him when it happened.
Bucky wasn't looking at her. His gaze was set on something just past the left side of her face. His mind on the other hand was somewhere else. Pictures of his life flashed before his eyes in quick moments.
"My mother," he whispered softly, his eyes still stared far off into the distance. "She raised me to be a proper gentleman." Elizabeth watched him closely as a ghost of a smile came across his face.
"She was a good cook too," he added with a slight not of his head, as if assuring himself that all his memories were real. "Rebecca liked her meatloaf."
Elizabeth tilted her head to the side at the unfamiliar name. "Rebecca?"
That was when Bucky turned his gaze back to the person sitting in front of him. He looked at her for a moment with a smile on his face. "My sister," he said more to himself than her.
They both sat there with wide smiles on their faces. Elizabeth made sure to remember what he told her. In the event that he lost himself again, she hoped telling him these things would bring him back.
That was one of the good days. But to have good days there had to have been the bad ones as well.
One day she came back to the apartment after three days away. She and Sam had been called to help out with a mission. She unlocked the door and pushed it open with her shoulder. Letting out a loud sigh, she placed some food that she had brought with her on the counter.
The place was dark and cold, as if the heater hadn't been on in days. The curtains were closed, hiding the snow covered road below. She looked around hoping the find Bucky sitting on the couch like he usually would, eyes wide at whatever was playing on the tv. But she couldn't find her friend anywhere.
"Bucky?" she had called out as she made her way into the apartment. Finding the heater, she saw she was correct in thinking that it hadn't been turned on. Getting no response, she made her way through the eerily quiet apartment. The place was small so it didn't take long for Elizabeth to find him. The feeling of complete and utter sadness and frustration making a sad trail for her to follow.
He stood in the bathroom, staring himself down in the mirror. Bucky leaned forward with his arms on the sink. She watched from the side silently as he breathed heavily. His long hair fell across his face and his black t-shirt stuck to his body. Either from sweat or water, she didn't know. The metal of his left arm gleamed under the white bathroom lights.
Without breaking eye contact with himself in the mirror, he asked Elizabeth a question. "Am I a horrible person?" His voice was rough as scratchy, as if he had been shouting moments prior.
Elizabeth thought for a moment as she watched herself approach him through the mirror. "No," she tried convincing him. Elizabeth tried to calm him down and ease his frustration. The only sign that it worked was that the sound of the ceramic sink cracking under his metal hand halted.
"How do you know that?" Bucky asked, not believing her. He should know, everything he's done still lived in his head. All the pain he's caused and all the lives he'd crushed out with that stupid piece of metal attached to him. If only she knew all the times he'd tried to tear it off, not being able to look at it.
"You're not a horrible person Bucky," Elizabeth took another step closer to him. In the mirror, they both stood side by side. Both of their eyes on the same person. "You are just someone who got dealt really, really bad cards at life."
Suddenly, his sadness changed to anger. Searing hot anger, all directed at no one other than himself. "I am a horrible person," he continued as if not hearing a single word she just said. Glaring at himself in the mirror, he clenched his jaw so hard he was sure he felt his teeth crack.
"No you're not," She repeated as she laid a hand on his left arm. The metal was cold under her warm hand. Finally, he tore his gaze away from himself in the mirror and let it rest on where her hand was. "I know you're not."
She touched him so gently that it shocked him how someone could still look at him that way. They didn't even know each other all that well yet Bucky already trusted her more than himself.
"How can you say that? You don't even know me," He turned his head to face her. "I don't even know me."
She didn't know how to respond to that so she let him continue to speak. "It's just so tiring," he cried out as she watched his face contort into one of frustration. "I'm just so tired of having to feel so empty all the time. Like there's nothing here for me, everything I once knew is gone and I can never get it back."
He was feeling so many things at once, even Elizabeth felt herself getting overwhelmed. If it was too much for her, it must've been ten times worse for him. "Sometimes I wish the fall killed me," once the words left his mouth Elizabeth felt her heart break into a million pieces.
Taking a step back, she pulled his shoulder to turn him around to look at her. It took some effort but he finally faced her with his head hung low. "Hey," she breathed out shakily as she tapped his chest to bring his attention onto her.
"Come on, don't think like that." She chided sadly as she felt some tears prick her eyes. "If you weren't here who would I explain the plot of all 50 Disney movies to?" Elizabeth tried to lighten the mood.
Bucky looked up to her as tears fell from his eyes. He laughed lightly before Elizabeth pulled him in for a tight hug. The way he hugged her so tightly, it was as if it was his first time getting hugged in years.
Then his shoulders began to shake as he cried into her shoulder, staining the jacket that she hadn't bothered to take off. Bucky fell to the ground, his legs not willing to hold him up anymore- taking her with him because of his tight grip on her body.
They both sat there on the tiled floor of the bathroom. Bucky crying his eyes out in her arms as she hugged him as tight as she could, not wanting him to feel alone. Not knowing what to do, she let him cry and cry. Elizabeth didn't want to change how he was feeling because sometimes crying helped.
"It's okay," she muttered into his hair as she rubbed his back soothingly. "It'll be alright," she promised him while he buried his face into the crook of her neck. Their legs becoming one big tangled pile on the floor.
"I won't let you feel that way ever again," she told him sadly. In that moment they both made a promise.
Elizabeth promised that she'd never let Bucky feel alone no matter what. She'd never let him feel as though there was nothing left for him here. It became her own personal mission.
Bucky promised himself that he'd always remember how tightly she held onto him and how she smelled of vanilla. He'd make sure that he'd never forget how sweet her name sounded or how she somehow always knew just what to say to calm him down.
***
"That was The Hobbit?" Bucky asked incredulously as the end credits of the movie began to play.
Elizabeth nodded from beside him on the couch. "What did you think?"
"I think it did the books justice," He replied with an approving nod of his head.
"You're such a nerd," she teased while shoving his shoulder with hers playfully. The two of them laughed comfortably as the the credits played on the tv.
Suddenly, Elizabeth's phone rang making both of their heads snap toward the device. She gave Bucky a reassuring smile before answering the phone.
"Hello?"
"You busy?" The voice of Tony Stark came out through the other end. The two had met on several occasions and were close enough to call each other friends.
Rolling her eyes at his familiar attitude, she stood up from the couch and made her way toward the kitchen. "It's nice to hear you too, Stark." She responded sarcastically as she leaned against the counter.
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever," he waved her dig at his greeting away. "You didn't answer my question. Are you busy?"
She cast a glance toward Bucky momentarily. His eyes hadn't left her ever since she'd got the phone call. Stuff like this made him anxious. He never knew if it was someone coming to take him away, or worse, someone coming to take her away.
Sensing his distress Elizabeth calmed him down with a small smile. She didn't even have to use her powers to calm him down most of the times, it was just purely her that could do that.
"No, I'm free." She answered the man on the phone. "What do you need?"
"We've got a mission," Tony started, "A HYDRA base in Sokovia."
At his words, Elizabeth's eyes momentarily met Bucky's. "Okay," he said once she realsied that he couldn't see her nodding her head. "I'll be there."
"Great, the Quinnjet will pick you up from your place." Tony informed her, "Suit up."
"You know," Elizabeth began distastefully with a playful smile on her face. "I still don't have a suit."
Instead of answering her, Tony hung up with a quick 'beep'. She pulled the phone away from her ear with a scowl. She muttered a small curse before pocketing the phone in the back pocket of her jeans.
Bucky stood up and walked over to stand in front of her. "What's going on?" His concern was radiating off him and she found it so sweet that the corner of her lips upturned as she met his blue eyed gaze.
"Just another mission, nothing to worry about."
"You're gone a lot more these days," Bucky observed as she moved past him to pack the bag she had brought with her. "I've only seen you twice this week."
She looked up from the inside of her bag with a smirk. "And it's only Wednesday," she commented. "Besides, I'm an Avenger now. Well, kind of." Elizabeth had been on enough missions with the team that they considered her one anyways.
"Don't they have enough people," Bucky grumbled out unhappily at her having to leave. He liked when she was with him. She made him feel happy and content with life.
Elizabeth shouldered her bag before walking toward the door, Bucky close behind her. "Don't be like that," she teased as she gripped his right arm in her hand softly. "I'll be back in a few days."
He nodded at her words with a pouty smile. "And remember-" he began to speak as she opened the door.
"Look after Steve for you, I know," She cut him off. Bucky would always ask her to keep an eye on Steve or ask how the blond was doing. Elizabeth found it cute how he never failed to ask bout him.
"Yeah, but also," Bucky paused for a moment debating whether he should say what he was thinking. "Be careful and come back in one piece."
She blushed lightly at his words, a dorky smile on his face. "I'll try my best," she answered. Walking back up to him, she leaned on her tip toes to press a friendly kiss to his cheek that they both secretly wanted to be more than friendly. "Bye."
"Bye, Lizzie." He watched her go out the door with a forced smile, the worry for her well being taking over.