Kenmas POV:
I threw my bag into one random corner and dragged my body to my bed.
I wasn't able to even take off my shoes.
It was a good thing my dorm was so close. That way it wouldn't take me long to get here and I could start overthinking quicker.
Thinking of what a scumbag I was. Thinking about how I could get away from this suffering. But also thinking of how I didn't even deserve to be happy, because I am a glitch.
Yes that word describes it best. Even in my own life I was just a side character. The ones you maybe, if you're lucky, see one time in the whole movie.
I felt like a third wheel, but then again, it was my own fault.
Kageyama was a really good friend. I distanced myself from him and Hinata, and I was still complaining.
I was such a coward.
Maybe I should just end it all?
I didn't do any good, and my presence was just a waste of space on this planet. I had no one to turn to.
Thoughts like this would fill my mind, but I would also question what I did to deserve my miserable life.
And to this, I could never find an answer.
It was just- I didn't want to love Hinata.
It just hurt seeing how deep he was in love with Kageyama, knowing he was never going to look at me the same way, let alone feel the same for me.
I was nothing like Kageyama.
I didn't look as good as him. He was what you would consider perfect in our society.
I didn't work out as much as him.
I didn't get looks from random people, who admired me.
I was nothing like Kageyama.
I was just an introverted guy, who was addicted to video games, and who grew out his hair to see less of this cruel world.
I enjoyed playing games since I wouldn't have to be in my reality that way.
But how could I, with these few personality traits, hope for someone just as great as Hinata to fall in love with me.
I deserved nothing.
I felt the tears welling up in my eyes, feeling overwhelmed with everything.
My life was a never ending battle field. Although I knew fighting was no option, I could not escape.
I could only surrender.
Even if the battle started again afterwards, the short time where I would surrender, I felt good. It was better than the battle field.
Cutting was better than keeping up the act in front of my friends.
When I cut, no one expected me to keep my tears in and be strong. I could pity myself and scold myself for how I messed up again. Same as always.
The pain while I cut wasn't as bad as the pain I felt through the day.
Some tears spilled over, and that was my cue to get up and get out my little treasure box of knives.
As I opened the box, I saw my six little babies.
I took the second larges knife today, since today I felt extra bad. Worse than other days.
TW!
I attached the knife onto my arm. I sharply inhaled, as I quickly drew the knife to the other side.
As I saw droplets of blood becoming visible, I silently hummed, content with the beautiful scar I had given myself.
I cut myself another time, but instead of relaxing me, as it usually did, my thoughts were filling my mind by now.
I didn't deserve to be happy!
Cut
I was a disgusting weirdo, who just loved making a scene out of everything!
Cut
I was just a crybaby! I was not even supposed to feel this way!
Cut
I hated myself.
Cut
I FUCKING hated myself.
Cut
After I stopped adding new bruises to the old ones, I burst into tears.
It hurt, but the pain was nothing I didn't deserve.
I cleaned up, and went to bed to continue my crying session. Maybe it was actually easier to just end it.
I couldn't keep on living like this.
I laid in bed since seven hours and 45 minutes already. I couldn't get any sleep at all.
I just kept turning and turning, while bad thoughts clouded my mind. It was currently 2:45am.
I soon sighed as I realized i wasn't going to get any sleep this night, and since my back already hurt, I decided to sit up.
I grabbed my jacket, and my shoes and my key.
I was gonna go outside. Maybe I would find a cat, that wanted to be close to me.
As I left my dorm, I contemplated on where exactly I should go. After good three minutes I decided for the park a bit away from campus. But still not far away though.
I walked there in silence, and I almost passed the entrance for the park, because of how stupid and disgusting I was.
I turned around and went to the entrance and cursed myself.
Once I was finally inside, I searched for a bench where I could peacefully sit, and I found one.
I got there, and just closed my eyes, after staring at the night sky for some minutes.
Even as I heard someone taking a seat next to me, I didn't open them. I didn't plan on, but....
"Betty he is pretty, isn't he?" A deep voice said. His voice gave me the chills. It was deep but nonetheless soft.
I didn't know what was going on, so I finally opened my eyes and looked to my left.
There I saw a tall, black haired man with a weird bed head and a little kitten in his arm. She was the most beautiful cat I had ever seen: her fur was a bit red and her eyes were as clear and blue as the sky was in summer.
Was she Betty?
"Uhm, excuse you?" I snapped. And I instantly cursed myself for it. I didn't mean to be mean at all. There was a stranger trying to be nice, and all I could do is snap? Seems like I was gonna use my babies one more time before tomorrow.
To my surprise she softly laughed. My eyes got big in surprise. I wanted to apologize, but could I even?
"My name is Kuroo Tetsurou, and I am in my second year of college. This is my cat Betty. She's pretty, isn't she?"
He softly caressed her fur.
I smiled and leaned a little bit forward, to touch her. She was so soft. I don't know when it started, but I felt a weird connection to cats. Almost as if I could communicate with them better than I can with humans.
"Yes she is. She is so beautiful." I smiled a little, but at least it was real.
"Your smile is beautiful. Y'know, I don't see you smile often. But you definitely should do it more.",he said. I blushed. From where did he know me?
"U-uh ....M-my name is Kozume. Kozume Kenma, but please call me Kenma. It's nice to meet you, Kuroo.
His eyes got big, and then he pouted.
"You totally ignored what I just said! You know I actually mean it! In college you alway look at the floor, but you're so beautiful. You remind me of a cat. And your eyes are so pretty. Wow- I- they have a really beautiful color! You're- you're perfect!" He was exaggerating by now. I got his point.
"You know I really appreciate everything you just told me, but I don't believe it's true. I don't even deserve to be looked at. I'm just a waste of space someone else could use." I turned my vision to the floor not expecting anything from him.
"Wanna talk? Y'know just tell me what happened? Sometimes it can be good. Talking to a stranger I mean." He looked at me with a comforting look in his eyes.
I chuckled a bit. "There's nothing much to explain. Just me in love with my best friend since my childhood, while he's in love with my other best friend since childhood. And I can just observe. Funny, right?" I chuckled again.
"I-I'm sorry I didn't know that. Must suck, huh? I don't really know what I should say as advice, but surround yourself with others. Other people than you best friends since it hurts watching them. Try to get out more and distract your thoughts of drifting into the wrong direction.
Go to parties, have fun. Even if it's not actually fun, just pretend. And if you pretend hard enough, it will become fun. I promise."
That was ironic. "No one wants me around. I'm lucky my best friends even keep me around. I mean just look at what a piece of shit I am." I wasn't searching for compliments or anything, that's how I feel about myself.
He sighed and hugged me, after placing Betty in my lap.
"Felt like you needed it.",he said.
"Please let me take you to a college house party next weekend. Don't immediately say no. Actually think about it, k?
I have to go now, but here, take my number."
He gave me a Little snippet of paper. Then he took Betty and went. Away.
I stared at the point where he had been just two minutes ago, and realized that he was nice. I liked him. He could become a good friend.
No ones POV again
The shoot was awkward for Kageyama. He had just heard something he probably wasn't supposed to hear.
Liking him? Fighting anyone that wants to take him away? What?
He didn't know what that was about, but he was sure it was Oikawa that said that. Nobody calls him Tobio-Chan besides from him. Ugh, what was that about?
Earlier, Iwaizumi came to the conclusion that they may have been too harsh on Hinata, which dissolved in a conflict.
In their three years of relationship, they never once had a serious argumentation, so during the shoot, the tension was noticeable. You could feel it.
Oikawa on the other hand, started hating Hinata after that encounter. He had no shame, Oikawa thought.
Iwaizumi and Oikawa had both talked about how they wanted tobio in their relationship, because they felt all tingly in their stomachs when they were around him, and everything just became more fun.
Tobio was currently wiping away the makeup and putting away all his stuff, as Oikawa came up to him. The shoot had ended some minutes ago, and he was now preparing for going home.
In the studio Kageyama had his own makeup stand and it had a beautiful mirror with lightbulbs on the sides.
However, as Oikawa came up to him, he rested both his hands on Kageyamas shoulders. He then brought his lips next to Kageyamas ear and whispered: "good job you did out there today." He smirked as he saw Kageyamas reaction.
Normally, if it wasn't for what Kageyama had heard earlier, he wouldn't have thought a lot about it, but now, he was almost sure that Oikawa liked him. As he realized that Oikawa was flirting with him, his face got red. And feeling Oikawas hot breath next to his sweet spot sent chills all over his body.
Him seeing oikawas smirk and his own reflection in the mirror, didn't make anything better.
Suddenly it got really hot.
Kageyama felt oikawas hands so prominently on his shoulders and the temperature in the studio seemed to be getting hotter every second.
Just why did he suddenly feel so embarrassed?
Was it because he knew Oikawa liked him? But- wasn't he together with Iwaizumi? Oh hell no. He didn't want to be the reason for a breakup.
"U-uhh thanks o-Oikawa-San. I-I appreciate it." His face felt like it was gonna burst.
Oikawa squeezed his shoulders one last time before he went away to an observing Iwaizumi.
Kageyama buried his face in the palms of his hands.
Ugh, he could already sense some drama.
Kageyama Kenma and Hinata were currently sitting in the cafeteria for lunch.
They all silently ate, but this time it was a comfortable silence. Kags and Hinata felt that Kenma was happier than usual, which made them happy.
"Say Hinata..." Kageyama started.
He needed to ask this. He had no idea how it felt like to be in love.
Hinatas head perked up.
"What is love? Or rather... how does it feel like?" He looked so serious.