Trigger warning.
Talks of scars, nausea, slight eating disorder, alcoholism and depression
More days had passed. They all blurred together all of a sudden. I knew I spent the days with Draco. And I knew the nightmares were getting worse. But I couldn't recall anything else about those days.
I had started to drink at night to help me sleep. Draco wasn't fond of the habit. But it felt like my only option. I knew it wasn't. It was just the easier one.
Draco had been with Blaise in his dorm for a boys night or whatever they do. I just played piano while he was gone. I didn't want to leave myself unoccupied. I tried to escape the fact that I was scared of what I might do to myself if I'm left alone ... with nothing to do.
I was settling down for the night. I had Draco's quidditch jersey and a pair of his boxers on. I laid in bed with a book in one hand, and a bottle of Fire Whiskey in the other. I heard the door click open as I held the bottle up to my mouth. I quickly pulled the bottle down and looked up to see who it was.
Draco.
Of course it was Draco. He always came back before eleven PM. I had been caught. Again.
'Please tell me I didn't just see that Venus.' The disappointment in his voice made my heart ache. He closed the door behind himself and didn't turn back around.
'I'm sorry Draco, I just need to sleep-' I tried to explain before he cut me off.
'Venus stop. Stop using that excuse. I've told you multiple times that we can go on walks or I can read to you or something. We can find something else other than you drinking every fucking night.' He started to raise his voice as he turned around.
'Draco I'm sorry, this is what helps.' I put down the book and looked down so I didn't have to face him.
'Is it really helping Vee? Is it?' He walked over to the bed and took the book and the bottle from me and put them on the nightstand before he pulled me out of bed and stood me in front of the mirror.
'Look at yourself. When was the last time you ate?' He held my arm tight. I looked at myself in the mirror. The dark circles under my eyes had become more prominent in recent days. I hadn't actually looked in the mirror in days. My hair was pulled up in the same bun I had put it in yesterday. I was paler than usual. I didn't answer his question. I didn't want to tell him that it had been days. The drink had been making me sleep in. I missed my alarm most mornings so I was late for breakfast. I didn't bother with lunch or dinner after that. I just went straight back to my dorm.
'Well. Tell me. When was the last time you ate?' He looked at me in the mirror.
'I don't remember' I whispered as I looked at my reflection.
'No drinking. Or smoking. You know I can smell it Vee. No more. How much have you drank tonight?' He let go of my arm and sighed.
'About half the bottle.' I whispered. I had been drinking for about an hour. I felt a wave of nothingness wash over me knowing I had disappointed him. He walked away and started to take off his shirt. He spoke softly.
'Get back to bed and I'll read to you 'till you fall asleep.' He still sounded disappointed. I nodded slowly and I walked back over to the bed and crawled back in. Draco watched as I sat in bed. He took the bottle from the nightstand and walked off into the bathroom with it. I heard the noise of the whiskey being poured down the sink. I closed my eyes as I started to feel the alcohol hit my system.
Draco had left the empty bottle in the bathroom as he came back in empty handed. He was still in his slacks, just shirtless now. He stopped before he sat in the bed and pulled them off. I looked away. I felt I shouldn't look, even though it was something I had seen a hundred times before, I still looked away.
He sat in the bed beside me and took the book from the nightstand. Before he started reading he pulled me closer to him. I laid down properly and rested my head on his shoulder.
'Just try Venus. Just try not to drink anymore. You know you won't like who you'll become.' He said quietly before he started to read.
He read for a couple of minutes before I fell into a drunken slumber.
I woke up and Draco was gone. I had slept in again. It was a Saturday anyways so I hadn't missed much, just breakfast. Again.
I felt a dull ache start to make itself known in my head. I was used to it by now. Drinking every night does that. I sighed before I started to get out of bed. I noticed a muffin on the nightstand, with a note beside it.
'I didn't want to wake you too early, so I brought you back a muffin from breakfast.
I have quidditch practice until one so I'll probably be back in the common room or my dorm around two.
I found your cigarettes in the back of your wardrobe. I burned them
You need better hiding spots Vee.
I'll see you soon
Draco.'
I sighed as I put down the letter and picked up the muffin. I inspected it for a second before I took a bite out of it.
I took another two or three bites before I started to feel nauseous. I put the muffin down and made my way to the bathroom. I felt like I was running on autopilot. Between the headache and the nausea I just felt like shit.
I turned on the shower and straight away turned the heat all the way down to cold. Draco had showered before he left obviously. I would never have hot showers unless he was there.
I pulled his jersey off over my head and took off his boxers and took my hair out of it's bun before I stepped in the shower. I let the cold water wash over my body for a few minutes before I started to feel my body tremble slightly from the cold.
I grabbed the shampoo and inspected it. It was coconut. I don't even like the smell of coconut. Still I lathered it in my hair before I rinsed it out. I shampooed my hair and rinsed once more before I took the matching conditioner and ran it through my hair before I started to wash my body.
I lathered up a washcloth with the bar of soap before I started to scrub at my skin. I scrubbed my skin until it was red. I watched the suds wash over my scars. I was starting to get tired of hiding.
But I can't tell anyone else.
I can't.
I let the water wash off the suds and the conditioner from my hair. I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my body before I walked out into the bedroom to see Draco, sat on my bed, in his quidditch uniform.
'Morning.' I said to him solemnly before I opened my wardrobe doors.
'Good afternoon to you too. You didn't eat much of the muffin.' He replied
'Didn't feel too well to finish it. I'll finish it off in a bit..' I said as I started to pull out a hoodie and a skirt. I put them on the bed before I started to towel off.
'How was practice?' I tried to make conversation.
'It wasn't great. I was distracted.' He watched as I started to dress in front of him
'By?' I asked
'You. I'm worried for you Vee.' He sighed
'You don't need to be. I'll be fine.' I pulled the hoodie on over my head before I sat down next to him on the bed.
'Go shower. You stink.' I joked playfully. A slight laugh escaped his lips as he smiled.
'Full of compliments aren't you.' He kissed me quickly before he started to get up and make his way to the bathroom. I didn't bother responding I just laid back down on the bed before I heard him shout out from the bathroom
'What did I say about cold showers.'
I smiled slightly.
'Mustn't have been important enough for me to remember.' I called back out.
A/N: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 30K READS SHAWTY BAES- I fr can't believe this is real, thank you all so much for reading.