Well hello there bubs...😀 here's a slight warning that this chapter has some ✨emotions✨ might I say and that I doubt any of you will cry but I DEFINITELY cried a good bit while writing this🥲
Anyways, goodluck bubs😗
I was in disbelief that it was already the last day of school. End of school year exams weren't too hard, though studying everyday, all day long was definitely not fun.
Time had flown by quicker than ever from all the studying. Plus, although we wouldn't have performances till next fall, I still wanted to memorize as many lines as possible. I also preferred to practice my songs as much as possible, especially Belle's many solos, and her own song.
Though, since my confidence wasn't super high, I liked to hide in a small room (usually some sort of closet) and cast a silencing spell so no one would hear me singing.
I practiced lines with almost everyone in the cast, Blaise, Theo, Pansy, Hermione, Harry, Cedric, and even Cho who still seemed to have something against me. One person who isn't in that list though, is Draco.
Obviously I'd have to practice at rehearsal with him, though I avoided being around him as much as possible. It was too tiring for me. Not only tiring physically, but also mentally and emotionally. I was sick. Sick of being hurt so much. Sick of feeling emotionally pained, but feeling as though the reason was stupid. I was sick... of him.
"Have you seen Daphne anywhere?" Pansy asks, as she looks around confusedly.
We were now sitting in our dorm, awaiting a party in the common room. It was no surprise Slytherin was throwing an end of year party, though I had absolutely no interest. Especially after what happened the last party.
Pansy understood why I didn't want to go, and agreed that I could stay in the dorm room and pretend to be "sick".
"No.. I don't think so." I answer, a hint of concern sparking through me.
Even though Daphne was a total asshole for liking Draco, I still had hope. Hope she was just having a first crush phase, and would soon realize how stupid he actually is. Then she'd return to her normal self, and we could have the trio we used to have.
"Huh... guess I'll just get ready without her." Pansy responds, acting horribly as if she was actually disappointed about it.
I roll my eyes at her smug smirk, though a small smile can't help but grow upon my lips.
"You're horrible," I state, laughing quietly.
"And? It's fun being bad," she winks jokingly at me.
I shake my head slowly in return, a small smile still refusing to leave my mouth. My eyes move back down to look at the script that lays in my lap, as Belle's lines run through my head.
Pansy gets ready for the next 15 minutes, though I'm more focused on memorizing lines than her curling her hair.
"Alright! I'm heading out to the party! You sure you'll be okay?" Pansy says, standing up and walking towards the door.
"Mhm! Go have fun... with Zabini," I wink, grinning cheekily at her.
"Oh shut it," she laughs, twisting the doorknob slowly. "See you soon! Love you!" She yells as she leaves.
"Love you too!" I yell back, smiling at the closed door for a moment before returning my focus on the script.
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I memorize lines until my brain feels too full to read anymore. It had been about 45 minutes since the party started, though I still had no regret that I didn't go. I didn't like the thought of possibly never wanting to go to a party ever again, though I'd rather that than going and being slut shamed.
I never admitted how much the words hurt me. Showing vulnerability was something I wasn't used to. People always tell me it's "unhealthy to deal with problems alone" though I'm used to it. I'm sorry I won't be vulnerable, I'm just not used to people having the time for my problems. Plus, it just makes me a stronger person to go through shit.
A sigh leaves my mouth as I sit at the edge of my bed, staring at the door. I wanted to go somewhere. I wanted to feel something. And only one place came to mind.
It doesn't take long before I'm out of the door, and hurrying through the party. Luckily, I found a way around the crowd, so I wouldn't have to go through it and cause any attention towards me.
I walk through the painting quickly, and head through many corridors. I loved the school at night. Peaceful, quiet, empty, and dark. And though it sounds depressing, it's where I find my happiness.
My steps are long and quick as I take deep breaths in and out. It was almost muscle memory at this point to go to the astronomy tower. I missed being able to go there and be happy. To go there and not frown about memories that lost their joy.
I barely realize when I've finally reached the stairs, as my thoughts are on something else. Though, they always are.
My feet tiptoe up them quickly, as memories start filling my mind. Memories I rarely replayed anymore. Memories of a friendship that was beyond broken. Memories of a friendship I wanted back so so badly.
Once I get to the last few steps, I slow down my pace. I breathe slowly as I prepare myself for the view that could either hurt so bad or could bring the brightest grin to my face.
Though once I get to the top, it's not the view I was thinking I'd see.
There they are, Draco and Daphne sitting by the railing, looking out at the stars.
My body freezes instantly. I don't feel anything. Numb was the only way to describe it.
A hand comes up to my mouth in disbelief. My once dry eyes now filling with tears. Tears of pain.
I barely process both of their heads turning to look at me, and a look of more regret than I've ever seen in Draco's eyes, before I run down the stairs.
I don't think I've ever ran faster in my life. My hand still covers my mouth as I hope to cover up any sobs that manage to escape.
I can't believe it. I didn't want to believe it. I refuse to believe it. No... no... no.
Dark corridors flash by my blurry vision as I try to clear my mind. How could she? How could he? Was that what we looked like? Does he bring all the girls who fall for his stupid smirk and horrible personality up there?
I get to the painting quicker than I thought I would, and shakily whisper the password. It opens slower than I'd like it to, though as soon as I can fit through it, I do.
I wipe away the liquid in my eyes, before quickly walking through and out of the party.
As I slowly sit down on my bed, I shut my eyes harshly. I refuse to cry over something like this. Something that shouldn't affect me like it does.
Time doesn't seem to process to me as I sit on my bed, my eyes shut, and my emotions numb. Two knocks on the door interrupt me, and my head jerks over to look at it. Pansy walks in slowly, a smile on her lips.
A breath of relief leaves me once I realize it's her. The last thing I'd want is to talk to Daphne right now.
"Snape caught us and shut down the party," she laughs, walking over and flopping onto her bed.
"Oh," I smile weakly at her, leaning back in my bed.
"I'm really tired, I think I'm gonna head to bed," She yawns, getting up and walking over to her wardrobe.
"Sounds good," I respond quietly, nodding my head.
It was nice that she couldn't tell I was acting weird since she was so tired. I didn't really want any comforting right now, though I rarely did.
I sit in the dark for the next 30 minutes or so, making sure Pansy was asleep before I quietly got up and left. I obviously wasn't going to the astronomy tower, though I did want a place to think about everything.
My steps are quiet and slow as I walk to the common room. I sit down in front of the fire, tucking my knees in close to me and wrapping my arms around them.
It was easy to stare at the fire and get lost in it, which was exactly my plan.
I didn't necessarily think about what had happened as I zoned out. I didn't necessarily think about anything though.
It was rare that my mind wasn't rushing with thoughts, though when I felt so numb, my thoughts ended up being numb as well. It was nice though, not thinking so much. Kind of like a break that I very much needed.
I hear a few creaks of wood pretty far away behind me, though I don't care enough to look back. Probably just someone walking in their dorm. That's what I wanted at least.
A figure slowly sits down next to me, and though it's hard to see them fully, the fire lights him up just enough. Draco.
There's a small moment of silence as we both stare at the fire. I couldn't bother to feel any emotions about him sitting next to me.
"Y/l/n-" he says quietly, pausing as he sighs. "Please talk to me."
My eyes stay on the fire, and my mouth keeps shut. It wasn't as much of ignoring as much as it was I was so tired. So emotionally and mentally tired of being hurt.
"Y/n-"
"Why should I?" I finally speak, my voice slightly shaky though still calm.
"I promise you can trust me-"
"Trust you!? How do I trust someone who has hurt me so much!? Who constantly finds a new way to break me!?" I yell, standing up. Tears start filling my eyes once again as I finally say what I've been feeling for so long. "How do I do it!? When you have caused me so much fucking pain, Draco!"
He stands up quickly as well, though no words leave his mouth.
"I can't take it anymore! I can't deal with the constant emotions!" I scream, tears filling my eyes rapidly. "Are you happy!? You've done it! You've absolutely broken me!"
Tears stream down my face, though I don't care to stop them. Show him. Show him how hurt I am. How much pain he has caused me.
"Why do you even do it!? I've done nothing to you! Absolutely fucking nothing! Yet you keep stabbing and stabbing and stabbing and it hurts every single time, Draco! It hurts it hurts it hurts so fucking much!" I scream, tears falling down my face faster than they ever have.
He just stands there, though. His eyes wide and his mouth agape. He has no right to be surprised when he did all of this. When he caused all of this, but knew exactly what he was doing the whole time.
It felt as though a weight had been lifted off of me. I wanted to say something. I wanted to scream something. Though I could never find the words that truly showed what I felt. But now, I had.
I stare at him, my brows furrowed as I sniff occasionally. My head shakes slowly before I quickly wipe the tears away and start walking away.
I hear footsteps behind me before he grabs my arm, pulling me to look at him.
"I'm sorry-" he states shakily.
I'm sorry. The words I wanted to hear for so long. The words I wanted to know were true for so long. Yet, they meant nothing to me now.
"No, Draco. You're not."
I turn away, and walk toward my dorm quickly. My posture straightens for a second before I realize it's no use. It's no use to act confident and okay when I can't. When I'm not.
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heyyyy;)
uhh last day of year 3 yayy..😀 though I don't think this is necessarily the time to celebrate😀
lmao anywaysss uhh did y'all feel like any emotions during this? I just want to know if my writing has absolutely any affect on y'all? lol just want to see
also I really hope y'all imagined Y/n absolutely SCREAMING at Draco when she was yelling because I can imagine it so well and she really pops off
Hope you somewhat enjoyed this chapter lmao, ALSO I FORGOT BUT TY FOR 20k READS!? THATS NOT OKAY WHAT!? UM TY I LITERALLY LOVE YOU SO MUCH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH