Chapter Nineteen
"Kallie where's your food at?" Sebastian asked sitting next to me at the lunch table, "second day in a row without food."
No one else said anything, everyone else kind of ignored it. They ignored that I've been sitting here, facing them but seeing the PDA at my old table. Since I gave Will his stuff back, Hannah and him have been showing PDA everywhere and he stares at me waiting for it to hurt me. He must know it's working because he smiles each time I turn my head away.
"Let me go get you some," Sebastian started to get up but I grabbed his arm to stop him.
"Sit down," I kept my eyes trained on his table though and Will made eye contact with me, there was that stupid smile again, and that bottom lip bite.
"If you keep staring at him that hard you might burn a hole through him," Alec said then shoving food in his mouth.
"She's mourning Alec, you wouldn't understand," Evelyn crossed her arms.
Asher laughed, "he'd be the first to understand."
"Do you want him to know how much you're hurting?" Alec asked and I looked at him then, "because if you do then keep doing those looks."
"How do I make him hurt?" I sat up and looked at him then, "your good at the I don't fucking care attitude. Teach me."
"No," Sebastian sat up, "I don't need two of him."
"You don't want to be me," Alec smirked and looked down at his food.
"I beg to differ."
"Kallie, you're hurting, you don't know what you're saying."
"I do, I want to be heartless like you," I challenged him.
"Fucks sakes," Asher face planted into his hand, "you might get him pissed off with that anger of yours Kallie."
"Heartless, baby come on now," he laughed but it had no emotion.
"Teach me," I pushed and Alec shook his head.
"That wouldn't be you anymore then," Alec crossed his arms over his chest.
Like he knew what I was going through, having someone you were with leave for someone else. Just as the thought crossed my mind my eyes went back to him and I realized he did deal with that. I was the bitch who left to be miserable knowing he deserved better.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" Alec asked then drawing his body closer as he placed his strong arms on the table as he leaned in forward.
"I just forgot I had," my eyes shot down at my hands, "I gotta go," I got up in a hurry and left the cafeteria.
He does deserve better, he shouldn't have to care about me. I shouldn't have done a lot of things because of how selfish I've become. He seemed so much happier when I wasn't a part of it. But now we're both stuck in our own parents marrying one another.
Someone grabbed me and stopped me in my tracks and they turned me around and there he was, standing there with his already knowing eyes.
"What are you running from this time?" he asked me.
"Alec," I said his name like I knew what dumb excuse I knew was coming out of my mouth but in all reality I was just as lost as I was walking out of the cafeteria.
"You do this a lot Kallie, I know when you're lying and when you're running because you're afraid of something. Communication was never your strong suit. But I'm here to listen, I care," I stopped him before he could continue.
"Don't tell me that. You shouldn't care about me, you shouldn't have to worry about me. You deserve so much in this world Alec, and I'm trying to save you from myself. I just need space from you, and the only way I can do that is if I distance myself from everyone."
"Just like you did when your father left, that's why your mom and your relationship is thick with anger. Kallie you push, you close off because you are afraid."
"I'm protecting you guys from myself!" I argued back.
"You're protecting yourself," he came back like he knew.
"You don't know that, you don't know what goes on in my mind," I shook my head.
"Look at what you're doing now, running away just like last time when shit got hard. You're protecting yourself from the what ifs that go through your mind. Kailen do you not see that people care about you, look at how far you've come with my friend group?"
"I stole everything from you," I whispered.
"What?" He looked at me confused.
"I stole your friends without consulting you, I stole every first you could've had with any girl you wanted, I stole your life with my problems that only built up, I stole a summer in which you deserved to live like a normal teenage boy," I couldn't look at him.
He grabbed my hand in his, "come on Kailen."
"Where are we going?" I asked.
"Skipping, we both need some time to breathe."
"Alec I can't just get up and leave when you feel like it."
"Trust me, just this once. Can you do this just once?" he looked at me in hopes that I would listen to him but my heart was telling a whole other story.
I looked back at the cafeteria trying my hardest to say no to him in hopes he'd hear me. I always seemed to say yes to everyone, even when I know I shouldn't give in.
I felt warm hands back onto my cold ones and my eyes shot back to his.
"I don't want you to feel like I'm forcing you to come with me Kallie, you know I would never want that. Not everyones out to make you miserable. Just say the word and I'll drop it," Even when I stay silent he knows.
"Okay," I nodded, "let's go."
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Alec drove for a while, away from the small town, away from any other cities surrounding our small town. It was just us against the country road. He went on back roads instead of what we typically would have used.
"So I'm guessing you haven't taken me to this place before," I looked over at him and felt my lips turn into a smile at the many memories that flowed when we spent oh so many times during the summer together.
"There were times I wanted to but I always stopped myself," he said honestly.
"Why?" I waited for a moment, "we were so close back then than we are now. Right?"
Alec slowed down and he pulled to the side of the road, I looked around wondering if we already made it to the destination.
"Are we already here?" I asked looking at him then but he was still looking further, almost like he was trying to figure out what to tell me. Did what I say offend him?
"No," he shook his head, he rubbed his face with his hand like he had an oncoming headache before pulling back onto the road like he changed his mind about whatever stopped him.
"Did I say something wrong?" I asked him then waiting for a response I actually could believe.
"No, you spoke what you thought. I can't be mad at that. That's all I've ever wanted from you. Honesty is all I'll ever ask for."
It didn't settle with me well still, something about him reacting after my comment.
"Alec?" I said his name like it would've mended my words, why did it bother me so much about what I said to him. It shouldn't be, he made it perfectly clear that he cares but he still doesn't have feelings for me. I shouldn't even be concerned with that anyways considering my ex boyfriend and best friend's news is still fresh and open, It still bothers me, how they use him and my break up like a perfect time to dig that knife deeper just because they think they can. I've already been stabbed in the back more times than I can count but this last time, really caught me by surprise.
"What?" He sounded a little annoyed with me now.
"Never mind," I shook my head, I didn't want to bother him that much. He's already done so much for me. I shouldn't be pushing, he'll talk when he feels like he wants to.
"Okay," and he now sounded more annoyed with me.
"This was a bad idea huh?" I felt defeated now, I started to realize I needed to think before speaking but apparently that's challenging for me to do, "you can kick me out of the car at any time. I won't hate you for it. I'd completely understand."
"I'm not an ass, I'm not going to kick you out of the car," he turned down a dirt road then and I looked over at him wondering where he was taking me now.
Something in my stomach kind of told me where we were but I kept pushing it off.
"You've taken me everywhere, I know where you go off to when shit gets hard, but this place I've never been," I looked forward and saw a small little farm we were coming up on.
"My mom and her boyfriend's house is one place I'd never take you. But they are not here so here we are," he parked his mustang in the front then and got out.
He never talked about his mom, let alone her boyfriend. So why would he take me here?