1.

                                    

                                          

Eddy looked at his best friend next to him. He was jumping up and down from excitement playing violin charades.
Eddy asked himself when things had been starting to feel different between them. When did he start getting that tingling feeling inside, these butterflies, not just in his stomach, they actually traveled around his whole body. In his blood so to speak. It was itching inside, in a warm, friendly kind of way. Eddy knew what was wrong though, he knew what this was. Had felt it before, by all means. He just didn't know he could feel this way about a guy, and certainly not his best friend ever.
He loved Brett, really, of all of his heart, but that "thing" was a little extra.
Maybe it had always been that way? 
That he just didn't realize?
Like, he did feel something years ago as well, but he felt like he couldn't act on it, because... he was young? 
He wasnt THAT much older now, it was a lame excuse. But back then, he... maybe thought that... being gay was so much work, so much trouble, right? 
And he didn't know Brett that well either. 
And instead he met that cute, young girl who turned out to be madly in love with him. So he... decided to be with her instead of facing the reality, now being in a relationship for 5 years and they had lived together in this apartment for 4. 
He knew Brett was gay. At least he told him once that he was. But Eddy hadn't really seen him with any kind of romantic partner. Not for that long at least. There was this last guy, Luke, but he hadn't been around for that long yet.
Knowing such sensitive information about your best friend and not yourself felt kinda weird, but..
Eddy loved his girlfriend, by all means. She was kind, beautiful and everything he could ever have asked for. She just wasn't... HIM.
And being honest to himself, he'd always had bigger and stronger feelings for Brett than her. But he just debunked them as being 2 different things, like, she was his real girlfriend, and Brett was his BRO. Yeah, he was his BROTHER, that kind of brother you would gladly die for. 
These were too many thoughts, too many feelings to contain anymore, he decided to tell Brett right after they finished recording. It would be the right time, now he couldn't resist it anymore, after all, they would just talk about it, right? 
And his girlfriend was at work. It was the perfect time. 
Somehow he managed to focus through the rest of the game. 
-You wanna play that duet I found yesterday? It seems like so much fun! Brett looked at him, questionly. 
-Uhmm...yea yea, sure! I just...
Eddy closed his eyes with the back on his bro, listening to how he was looking for the sheetmusic in his bag. 
-Uh, Brett! He turned around, quickly, leaving Brett standing there, surprised, with the sheets in his hands, in the hight of his chest, perfectly still.
-Yeeaa..., what's...up? He knew there was SOMETHING when Eddy looked that way. He got an intense feeling of having done something wrong or... 
-I need to talk to you about something.
-oookaayyy?
-Just...you know.... vent some.. thoughts, feelings...I don't know?
Omg, this was not good! Brett could feel something terrible was going to happen! 
-You want coffee? 
-uh, ok? Brett felt confused, but decided to roll along. It sounded important to Eddy.
He was very slowly sitting down at the other side of the kitchentable, when Eddy reached him his coffee.
-So...Eddy sighed.
-Yea? Brett tried to find his open face, kind eyes, to meet Eddy, hopefully making it easier for him.
-Lately... or always, I don't know... I ve been having some weird feelings...
-Ok?
-And I... oh, God! 
-What? Eddy, what's wrong?? Feelings aren't dangerous! They re just feelings, you know?
-I don't know. These might be dangerous.
-How do you mean? Feelings aren't more dangerous than any thoughts, they're just...
-Please shut up, will you?!! I'm trying to tell you something! 
-Yea yea, sorry! 
-So.... these feelings... they're about you.
-Me? Howcome? 
Eddy was silent for a sec.
-Do you wanna kill me or something? Brett still felt scared.
-No, not at all. More like the opposite, Eddy laughed before he suddenly started crying silently.
Brett was stunned. What did all of this mean? He had never seen Eddy like this! What the hell?? 
-Why are you crying? Eddy...? You're making me anxious! 
-Please don't hate me! Please don't....unfriend me! Eddy sobbed.
-Wait what? Why should I?? Eddy? What have you done?? 
Eddy didn't answer, which made Brett so confused and uneasy. It made him think the unthinkable. Could Eddy have...? No! Seriously? 
-Did you fuck my boyfriend? He asked straight out, almost as a whisper, way too scared for the answer. Deep down he knew Eddy would never do that, to neither him or his girlfriend, but..
-What, nooo! Of course not! Eddy had to laugh when he saw how relieved Brett looked, breathing out heavily.
-You're still seeing him? 
-You mean Luke? Yea. How come? 
-Nevermind. Now I definitely don't wanna tell you.
-Oh come oooon! Now you have to!!
Eddy cried again. 
-Ok... then you have to remember what you just told me, right? They are just feelings! Nothing to care about, really. 
-I didn't tell to not care about them though. 
-I have a crush on you.
-ok. Uh, wait, what??
Brett had to let it sink in, some seconds. 
-Seriously? 
-Yeah
-I mean... are you serious?
-I am
Brett thought about it some more.
He looked up, straight up, to look Eddy deep in his eyes, tried to make himself not that kind anymore.
Eddy fetched it. He noticed a dark shadow over Brett's eyes. 
Brett threw his hands up, made a gesture to mark every word he spoke, to make Eddy know how important this was.
-Don't. Play. With. My. Heart. Ok? Don't. Fucking. Play. Games. With. Me. Got it?
-I'm not. Seriously! Brett! I would never!! 
-I... really don't know if I can help you with those feelings right now though Eddy, I'm kinda.... still dating Luke.
Eddy held on to the mug in his hands, feeling cold all of a sudden. Now when he had told what was on his mind, everything seemed like so much trouble. So many... problems! 
-So... you love him? He tried to fill the air with something to get rid of the thick silence between them.
-You mean Luke? I think so. I don't really know yet, we've not been dating for that long, but...
-Longer than any other boyfriend you've got before, I believe? 
-Yeah. 
-And now I've fucked it all up?
Brett snorted. 
-If we're fucked up by your feelings Eddy, Luke and I never stood a chance in the first place. 
-Is he treating you well?
-Yea, he's great. I just don't know if I...
Never mind. It has nothing to do with you. 
-You sure? 
-Yeah. 
Brett seemed so tiny. He seemed like.. something had hit him. Hard! 
-How do you feel Brett? 
-I don't know how I feel right now. I'm... so confused you know? You living here with her for all these years and...yea?
-I know. I'm confused too.
-Ok, look! We' ll give it some time yeah? To figure things out. Everyone feels crushes some times, if you don't feed them, they will go away eventually. Even when you're married to someone that might happen. It's normal. It's just hormones. I need to find out were I stand with Luke. And you need to find out if this is real Eddy. Please? 
-Yeah
Brett put his hand on top of Eddy's, and he could feel the energy of warmth that immediatly spread inside of his bro.
I actually don't think he's faking it.
-Thanks for letting me know Eddy. I appreciate your honesty! And your trust! You're brave! I admire you! 
-Maybe we can do that duet another time? I feel... a little... drained, you know?
-Yeah. I agree! Probably a good idea! 
Eddy's heart felt empty and alone even before Brett had left through the door. 
When he finally left, Eddy felt his whole world, his whole life, was nothing but chaos. How could he solve this?? 
They're just feelings! They aren't dangerous!