Chapter 28

                                    

                                          
Chapter 28
                          
Since news came that I was back, you can bet your ass that it meant a very critical eye was laid on me. Well, to be more accurate, there were just more eyes since nobody was ever not judging me. Damn people. I'm embarrassed to say I'm a part of the human race.
                          
In fact, it brought more news than the first time I ran away or any time before that. That might be because they hadn't expected to find me (or rather me to just show up) home and alive. When young, I would occasionally be on the news for stupid things they blamed me for doing. Plus, I was naïve and didn't know better but to not say anything to them. That gave me attention all my life. But after I ran away, I knew it was huge news. I didn't have to watch the local channel to know. It was in the papers that I used to keep warm at night. It was all over posters, even in other towns passing through. But now, it was out of control it seemed. I soon discovered that.
                          
The time after I was on the news was spent with much pressure. Pounding on the door, all over the news.... At least Luke was a cop and made them leave. But that didn't stop Clare from telling me I needed to do an interview. She was determined to get me on TV. She was obviously more willing to share that wish with me than with Luke, though he at least knew Clare wanted me to do an interview. I noted he no longer asked why. He was afraid of the answer. He gave her the cold shoulder for a while; until they kind of made up. I say 'kind of' because I knew Luke's heart wasn't into making up with her yet but I saw he felt he needed to. For everyone’s sake; didn't want any more drama.
                          
Luke would ask me whether I wanted to offer up anything to those gossiping animals. I said no, as you probably already knew. Clare gained from my popularity. That was not good for me on a number of levels. He said I didn't need to do it and, though he didn't say anything, I think he took my side on the issue. But that couldn't stop Clare from giving a word or two to the public. She knew she shouldn't because the Clare that Luke knew wouldn't do that. She saw that this might make him a tiny bit more suspicious of her but she convinced herself that she can fix that later. Now, she needed to shine. She would be somewhat vague but that was because she knew Luke was watching. Though not as tamed as she was before, she knew how far she was able to go before things would break between them. She was just bending their marriage.  Clare didn't want break it for Luke's sake.
                          
Because they both had jobs, Luke started taking me to the station every day. He was just too nervous to leave me alone on my own and plus, it was safe at the station. But talk about incredibly boring. When not at the station, we would be in his car - which I still didn't think was allowed but oh well. For those day, they were a relief. We would talk more and in that time, my thoughts didn't travel to getting beat by my friends or the public.
                          
However, once news was out there that I was home, Luke had to tell the rest of his family. He didn't tell his family about me at first because, by luck, he hadn't seen them (other than his mom and probably dad of course). But really, like before, he said there was enough drama to deal with and he didn't need his family involved in putting more pressure on him. I understood that fine, why he wouldn't tell them. But now, they knew and I was curious and anxious to see what they would think of me.
                          
Today, I got to find out. After the news died down slightly - just slightly – Luke and I were going over to his parents house for dinner. Since his major family would be there for me to meet, we didn’t want any conflict happening between what happened. So Clare wasn’t going because we knew it wouldn’t be a welcoming environment and Luke wanted that for me. Surprisingly, I wasn’t sure how I felt about it other than uneasy. But I had reason to feel that way.
                          
I’m use to people pointing fingers at me and became accustom to just brushing their remarks off. This was different though. I didn't care about what they thought of me so much as I worried about how they would think of Luke. This was his family; how would they treat him: with respect or despair for staying with that bitch? Jan obviously was on board with me but there was a lot more than just her in the family. I just hope Luke's relationship with them will stay strong no matter their opinions on me. I didn't want to stress that. Yeah, yeah I know I shouldn't care or really want to. I was ashamed at myself for how soft I was going. But it wasn't like I could help it.