Ch.7 Should Be Happier

                                    

                                          
■(Y/N) POV■
                          
I'm holding hands with Kouichi on our way back home, Daichi walks right next to us. Kouichi looks like he's about to pass out any moment.
                          
Y/N : Kouichi, do you want me to pick you up?
                          
Kouichi : mmm no mommy I'm strong, I will walk too. Mommy is more tired (he said rubbing his eyes cutely)
                          
I chuckled at his cuteness and crouch down next to him, patting his head.
                          
Y/N : mommy is an adult Kouichi, I have more energy. It's alright if you're tired and wants to sleep that doesn't mean you're weak (i smiled at his sleepy face)
                          
Kouichi : no mommy is a girl, I'm a boy so I have to be stronger and protect mommy. I'm the man of the house after all.
                          
Daichi and I laugh slightly at his adorable answer. Where did he hear that words anyway? Daichi crouches next to me and looks at Kouichi.
                          
Daichi : what if I hold you or give you a piggy ride, I'm police you know so I'm strong and can protect the both of you.
                          
Kouichi : you are? ( Kouichi stare at Daichi and glances at me)
                          
Y/N : it's alright Kouichi, uncle Daichi is mommy's best friend. He's a kind person
                          
And finally, Kouichi raised his hands in front of Daichi shyly. Hoping he'll pick him up because he's actually very sleepy. Daichi swiftly scoops him on his back and gives Kouichi a piggy ride. Not long after he fell asleep.
                          
Daichi : you've raised him finely Y/N
                          
Y/N : no, I'm blessed with a fine one. Sorry to bother you Daichi 
                          
Daichi : Nah it's alright, think of it as a practice before my son came.
                          
We talk about a lot of things. Like how Hinata and Kageyama became a pro, Tanaka, and Kiyoko married, Nishinoya travels the world, and the rest. Then Daichi started to ask about me again.
                          
Daichi : so you live not far from the Tsumugi's household?
                          
Y/N : yes, I used to live with them. They're like my parents and help me a lot during my pregnancy, if they're not around I don't know what would I've become.
                          
My mom died when I was 5, my dad died too in a car accident when I'm in my 2nd year of high school. The Tsumugi is my only relative, they also lost their son in an accident. I and them like filling each other voids. They filled the absences of my parents' figures while I filled their child role. 
                          
Daichi : are you seeing someone Y/N, I mean Mrs. Tsumugi told me some guys have their eyes on you. You should find someone to help you.
                          
Y/N : I'm fine Daichi, as I said before I'm happy to do anything for Kouichi. Besides... (I look down at the road ) I, I don't want to be hurt again. I don't want to fall in love again.
                          
I give Daichi my best smile but he looks worried.
                          
Daichi : you're working and raising a son Y/N, you should look after yourself as well.
                          
Y/N : I do Daichi, besides (I look at Kouichi's face on Daichi's back) a lot of people are actually helping me to take care of him when I work.
                          
We walk until I reach the building where I live. I took Kouichi from Daichi's back. Then Daichi took his phone out and face calls Yui. I talk to Yui on Daichi's phone, it's really nice to see the face of my friend.
                          
■Sugawara POV■
                          
Daichi hangs the phone off and faces call someone. I could hear from the voice of it they're talking to Yui. I watch as Y/N talks happily with Yui while holding on to Kouichi. They stop talking, Y/N was already saying goodbye to Daichi and walks into her place. 
                          
Daichi walks to me and told me to follow. We walk towards the station, not spouting a word. It seems like Daichi giving me the time of my life to process what I've been witnessing today. 
                          
Suga : he's... my son isn't he?
                          
Daichi : hmm, yes he is. His name is Kouichi.
                          
Suga : did you know that she's pregnant when she left? 
                          
Daichi : ( he shook his head no) I'm also shocked when I found out last week. The day Yui and I bumped to her, she's already 3 months old pregnant.
                          
Suga : w-... why didn't-
                          
I stop asking this question. Am I allowed to ask such a question as "why didn't she tells me"? Why would she tell me, I hurt her. Daichi felt the heavyweight around me and stop walking.
                          
Daichi : Suga, I didn't take you here to make you anymore guilty (Daichi look at me) I just want to show you that the woman that you hurt manage to try to live her life happily. So, aren't you the one who left her for your happiness should've been happier?
                          
Daichi starts walking again towards the station, I followed soon walking next to him. Shouldn't I be happier? No, I don't. I don't feel alive after that day. I even stopped caring about the woman who I claimed to be the woman that I love, the one that I choose over Y/N, the one who lured me and give me the sparks. And I finally broke it with her, not because someone else flirts with me, it's because of me. I don't want to be with her.
                          
" I hope you're happy"
                          
Ugh, the scene from that day again. The way she looks at me, tears rolling down her cheeks and... those lips formed a sad and pained smile while wishing me to be happy after what I've done to her. The same face showing a different smile today, her genuine one. The face of a smaller version of myself popped up in my head as well. I stopped walking right before we reach the station.
                          
Daichi : what is it Suga? 
                          
I want to see more of them
                          
Suga : I'm going to find an inn to stay
                          
Daichi : wha- what are you gonna do? You can't just suddenly show yours-
                          
I want to meet them
                          
Suga : no, I'm not going to show myself. I just, want to watch more from afar.
                          
Daichi : Suga...
                          
I want to apologize 
                          
Suga : I won't do anything reckless Daichi. She won't find out about you telling me about them. You can go back first you have work tomorrow.
                          
Daichi called my name when I walk towards the crowd, looking for a place to stay.
                          
I want to apologize, but do I have the right to?
                          
" she forgives you" Daichi's words from that day replaying in my head.
                          
Is it forgiveness that I want?
                          
For now, I knew I can't just selfishly show myself. Y/N will know that Daichi told me about it. But I just can't leave like this. I want to see more. For now, I want to watch even from afar 
                          
It's not forgiveness that I want
                          
It's 
                          
Something else