Dress

                                    

                                          
My whole body still tingled with the delicious sensations that I felt when I had sex with Josh. It didn't feel like sex though, it felt as though he was making love to me. I could read bodies and clearly I could say that this was something deep like it was coming from a different place, it was as though a distant part of me knew what it was but didn't want to see. It was liberating and frightening at the same time.
I don't want to understand this bitter sweet feeling, I don't want to give my heart ever, or do I, to you Josh? Will you keep it warm at night? Will you think of me like I would of you? Would you share your dreams with me? Will you waltz with me on starry nights? Mostly do I deserve your love Josh, I don't know, what I know for sure is our bodies know things that we don't.
                          
I watch him as he is asleep beside me. His face softened by sleep. His inky eyebrows, perfect nose and his chiseled jaw. My gaze rested on his lips for a moment, I wanted to go back to them, like I could get an after taste of it. I wanted to made love to again. 
                          
***
The doctor was ready holding a hand held mirror in his hand. I wasn't afraid anymore, I hoped and wished I looked different. Atleast I felt beautiful under his gaze, it doesn't matter how I looked but I was curious to look into the mirror.
" You wouldn't need anymore visits but a couple of dressing needs to done for the wounds that should do" the doctor said looking at my face and shoulders.
"Only the shoulder right?" Josh checks with the doctor.
" Yes, everything has healed well and it's good."
The doctor hold the mirror to my face and I gasp as I realise that I looked several years younger.
                          
"Now that the doctor has given us a green, we should go out and celebrate, what do you think?" Josh asked me with a twinkle in his eyes.
I didn't want to disappoint him, although the first reaction I felt was of fear. I bit my lower lip and looked at him sheepishly.
"I promise I will take you to a place that will make you swoon." He is excited.
"I don't have an evening dress."
"Well don't you worry, I shall have David drive you down to the best of places."
                          
We arrive at a swanky french designer showroom, it seemed like a very expensive shop. Seeing it's exterior, it brought a smile on my lips. I checked myself again in the mirror, I looked like a classy uptown lady. I double checked the credit card that Josh gave me and left for the store with David waiting for me outside in the sedan.
                          
I open the doors and a puff of fruity smell punches me in the face. I take in the interiors, the details and all without a blink. I loved the dresses and sets on the mannequins, very minimalistic accessories, lots of beige, off whites and cashmere. Oh! The hats were to die for and not to miss out the heels. I saw a nice lady in LBD approach me.
" Ma'am, how can I help you?"
Dear God , even the sales girls look so amazing!!
I smile at her pleasing face "I'm looking for a couple of dresses, mostly evening wear, conservative, for dinner and meetings maybe."
"Any preferences you have, colors, cuts or fabrics?"
" Nothing in Red please, I would love dark colors for the evenings and whites for  business." I just reaffirmed how much I hated red. I didn't get the obsession over it, why is red the prefered color. Why is it such a big deal?
I take my time with the try outs and the lady is sweet and helpful, I think she must be really new, she looked quite young and naive. I wished she stayed like that and away from the world, safe in her tiny bubble. It was a joyous place to be, ignorance. All around you is mundane and boring. Boring is good you know, all of us want exciting lives but how we forget we can't even afford a simple life. A life where nothing goes wrong, where the people you love don't leave you, or betray you. It would be a treasured life, a life of privilege.
                          
I look at the mirror, the gait the dress brings, each dress transforming me into someone different, according to its mood and textures. I liked what they did and made me feel. The boots cushy and the heels so foxy. I picked up some scarves too, with pops of color. I wait for my clothes to be folded as I hand over the card to the lady.
                          
"Ma'am your husband's card is not working, can I have another card please." She looks at me worried as she frantically tried to swipe the card in the reader.
"I don't have another card and I'm not sure why this is not working, please give me a minute, I will just call my... umm ... Him."
As I put my hand in my shoulder bad for my cell, I see her go inside and emerge with a store manager. One look at him and my heart sinks. I thought, I knew him... 
                          
"So... people like you steal too..."
I tasted fear, sour in my mouth. My legs became cold and heavy. My throat dry and my head dizzy. I staggered out off the store, eyes welled up and dazed.
David rushed to gather me, "Are you okay Miss."
"Take me home David. Please" and take his hand as he helps me inside the car.
"Miss, I can take care of this situation for you if you like, please tell me to do so."
"David, please...." For a moment I think about getting up from that car and running away, but where will I go, what will I do, where will I live, will I be safe? My head was foggy with these questions. My legs turned into rubber as what I had heard hit me between my eyes. David started driving and I couldn't get out of the car...