Chapter 20 - Part 1

                                    

                                          
Jessica woke up to Myles sitting across from her in the living room. She rubbed her eyes and began to sit up.
"I woke up in the middle of the night and I found you here." He was watching her.
"I couldn't sleep, and I didn't want to wake you." She shoved her messy hair out of her face.
"What's going on with you, Jess?" he asked softly.
She shrugged. "I think it might be stress," she offered. It was the guilt of keeping a secret she should have told him a long time ago, but time had made the secret bigger and so much harder to reveal.
"If we've been working you too hard at the garage, all you had to do was say so." He sat on the edge of the chair, his body angled to hers.
"It isn't that." She didn't want him to believe that was what was causing her sleepless nights.
"Then tell me, Jess. Tell me what's bugging you." His eyes searched hers. 
"It's nothing, really." She brushed off his concern, knowing she wasn't ready to be honest yet. 
Revealing the secret she carried was more than just telling the people she loved—it was revealing to them the worst thing she had ever done and hoping they could forgive, when she couldn't forgive herself. She had come a long way and she feared how much it would set her back if she faced it before she was ready.
"Next time you can't sleep, you wake me up." He frowned. "I would rather be awake with you than to wake up to you gone."
She nodded, but she knew she wouldn't. 
From that moment, something in her had come loose, and there was no stopping it unraveling slowly in her. Each second of every day she could feel it. Sleep became something that didn't come easily, and when it finally did it was fleeting. 
Her appetite declined and she came up with ways to hide it from Myles. She lost weight, and when Myles said something about it she brushed it off, using the excuse of a new diet she was trying.
Other than the odd phone call to Hannah to catch up, and to her mom, she kept to herself for fear of someone noticing what was going on. It was easier to keep to herself with minimal contact to hide what was happening.
For the moment, she put the new apartment on hold. She had too much on her plate already and was using all her energy to keep herself together and act like her normal self when she felt anything but that.
Karsyn was keeping his distance and she was thankful she didn't have to deal with him on top of everything else.
"Earth to Jess," Myles said from beside her, bringing her back to the present. They were seated watching a movie on TV. It was late afternoon but she was so tired it was difficult to concentrate.
"Sorry," she mumbled, and she made a concerted effort to try and figure out what was going on, but her head felt stuffy.
Myles studied her and touched her cheek softly. "You okay?"
She nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine." She tried to sound uplifting but failed.
Myles picked up the remote and switched off the TV.
"Why did you do that?" she asked as he stood and faced her. He seemed restless.
"Tell me what's going on, Jess," he demanded.
"I don't know what you're talking about." She averted her gaze, unable to look him straight in the eye as she avoided his question.
She wasn't ready to talk about it, and at this stage she would do anything she could to avoid going down a path she wasn't sure she could return from.