so we could forget everything

                                    

                                          
The night is only dark for so long
                          
My love, 
                          
It will get better soon
                          


                          
She might has well have slapped me. 
                          
For better or worse, Ethan.
                          
That had been what I had promised her. That what I had pledged to her the day I took her as my wife. And she had once asked me never to lie to her. 
                          
"Jem, I'm sorry." I whispered, "I was so wrapped up in my own grief that I told myself that you'd be okay."
                          
"But I wasn't. Couldn't you see that?" Jemma bit her lip, holding back more tears.
                          
"I could." I answered, "I just thought that I was making it worse."
                          
"Why would you ever make it worse, Ethan? You're the only person who could have helped make it better. I could have done it all with you." 
                          
"But I'm the person who killed them, Jem," I gasped, letting the tears form in my eyes as I thought of my children, "They're dead because of me."
                          
"Ethan," Jemma reaches up and cupped my face, "It's not your fault."
                          
I pulled away from her, "It is. You know it. If I hadn't married you, they wouldn't have been killed." I sighed, "I just kill everyone I love."
                          
"If you hadn't married me, they would have never been born." Jemma whispered softly, "You would have never seen Finn's toothy smile as he groped in the dirt for his beloved worms. Or Marianne's curly brown hair as she danced around the kitchen with you. They wouldn't have existed."
                          
"But they died because of me."
                          
"They wouldn't say that." Jemma leaned her head against my chest, "I don't think that."
                          
"Jem," I hugged her, "I've caused you so much pain. You should hate me. You should blame me. Our kids are dead because of me."
                          
"Ethan, I could never hate you." Jemma looked up at me, "How could I hate the only person who brightens my world?"
                          
I kissed her. I pulled her chin up and met her lips to mine. She tasted like salty tears, tears that I had caused. She tasted like home. 
                          
Jemma sighed against my lips and moved closer to me as I kissed her harder, desperate to show her how much her words meant to me. How much I needed her. How much I still loved her. 
                          
"Jemma. I could never stop loving you." I whispered as I pulled back for air. "You are the only reason I get up. Please forgive me, Jemma love. I never wanted to hurt you. I knew you deserved better than me and the life I have given you."
                          
"I'll forgive you a thousand times over, Ethan Hunt." Jemma reaches up and ran a finger over my lips, "I would never ask for anything other than you. You're all I need."
                          
And she pulled herself up and kissed me. And I kissed her, letting myself hold her tighter. 
                          
I was never letting her go.