Chapter Thirty-Seven

                                    

                                          
I followed Will out of the restaurant, trembling with fear and a million other emotions that I could not place. A fire at Linette's. I could hardly believe it. Cecily had told Will that everyone had been fine, but I could see the fear and panic on his face. I watched him now, as he stumbled outside; my hand shot out and grabbed onto his arm and Will spun around to face me. I almost flinched at the terrified look on his face. 
                          
"Tessa." His voice was hoarse and raw. "I don't think I can go. I don't want to face it."
                          
"Will." I tried to even out my shaky voice. "It's going to be alright. It's just a fire and--"
                          
"A fire." Will echoed, his voice just as shaky as mine. "A fire at my house. This is what I deserve for what I did that night. This is my karma."
                          
"Don't say that." I told him, shaking my head. "What happened wasn't your fault, Will, and this is only a coincidence. Fires happen all of the time and -- and we have to face this."
                          
Will exhaled, his hand suddenly gripping mine very tightly. His blue eyes were wild with panic and worry and I wanted to tell him a million things, but I couldn't get past my fear either. I had always had an irrational fear of fires ever since that night, and I knew that Will did too. He was still pale faced and panicked and I held his hand tighter. 
                          
"I'll be there with you the whole time." I assured him, staring into his eyes. "We'll get through this together, Will."
                          
Will clenched his jaw, seeming as if I had pained him, and then suddenly his arms were around me and we were hugging. He placed some of his weight on me, his body going a bit limp, but I held him up as best as I could. He had held me up like this many times before. I had never seen Will in so much pain before and I buried my face into his shoulder, my heart breaking for him. He didn't deserve this. He deserved to be happy and to not have to carry around a burden that hadn't even been his fault. 
                          
"I'm so sorry, Will." I whispered into his shoulder. "You don't deserve to still feel like this. What happened that night -- it wasn't your fault."
                          
He pulled away from me then, his blue eyes sharp as he looked down at me. "So you're saying it's yours then? It wasn't, Tessa. It was all mine; I was the one who pulled out that lighter."
                          
I shook my head. "Stop, Will. We can't think about this now. We have to go meet your mother and father."
                          
Will went pale once again but only nodded his head stiffly. I ended up driving us to Will's parents house, and for once he did not say a word about my driving. He only stared out of the window, seeming sick to his stomach. I felt exactly as he looked although I was trying my best to hide it.I knew that I had to be strong for Will, but I was terrified. I hated fires and everything about them. For a long time, I couldn't even be around burning candles. To think that Will and I were headed into the one thing we feared most, made me sick. 
                          
I wondered when Will and I would ever receive closure from what happened, or ever extinguish our guilt. I knew that a part of us didn't even deserve to feel better about it; we had almost killed that old lady. We could have been murders. I gripped the wheel harder, and Will seemed to notice because he looked intently at my hands. 
                          
"What is it, Tess?" He asked gently. 
                          
I bit my lip, worried. "Do you think we'll ever get closure about what we did? Do you think that we'll ever stop feeling guilty about it or stop being afraid of fires. I -- I hate living like this, Will."
                          
"I don't know." Will replied honestly. "I had always known, since the moment it happened, that this would be with us for the rest of our lives."
                          
"At least we have each other." My voice was shaky, my words uncertain.