𝕠𝕡𝕖𝕟

                                    

                                          


                          
I don't need to open my eyes to know that voice.
                          
It's Hinata.
                          
Shit.

                          
I don't want him to see me like this.
                          
I keep my eyes closed.
                          
I'm slouched and on the ground, so he can't see my face.
                          
But suddenly,
                          
I feel arms wrap around me.
                          
"Kageyama." His voice cracks when he says my name again.
                          


                          
I haven't been held like this in a long time. Actually, I don't know if I've ever been held like this before.
                          
I look up. He's crouched down to hug me and his lip is quivering. His eyes are shut, just like mine were a few moments ago.
                          
Voice shaking, he whispers close to my face. "You don't have to hide from me."
                          
I can't keep myself from crying. My whole body trembles. He holds me tighter.
                          
We stay like that for a few moments, then he says something.
                          
"I don't know what I can do," Then, instead of continuing to crouch, he sits next to me. His eyes open and he lets go of me. 
                          
I don't want him to let go, but I don't tell him that.
                          
"But please tell me if you're hurting. Just tell me. All I want to do is help you, Kageyama. In any way that I can."
                          
Now I have the energy to wipe the tears from my face. I can tell he's still looking at me, but I stare at the floor.
                          
"Okay?"
                          
...
                          
"Okay."
                          
I flush the toilet but I'm still too drained to get up. I think Hinata knows that because instead of getting up, he shuffles a little closer to me.
                          
"You threw up. Does your stomach hurt? I can take you to-"
                          
"No," I stopped him.
                          
"It's just..." 
                          
Covering my face, I lean my head over my hands for a couple of seconds. Next, I sigh and look back at Hinata.
                          
He looks concerned. His face is close to mine like he's waiting for what I'm gonna say next. Not like he's eager, or impatient, just ready to listen.
                          
I should tell him.
                          
"My sister's name. When he said it... It kinda triggered something."
                          
Oh. I don't know if I told you, but a couple of months ago I was diagnosed with PTSD. That's why I wasn't in school for such a long time."
                          
I'm expecting him to become shocked, maybe get upset, or apologize again, because that's just the kind of person Hinata is. 
                          
He's the one who feels guilt constantly because he cares too much about the way his actions affect others. After being his volleyball partner, even for a short time, I learned a lot about him.
                          
But he doesn't do either of those things.
                          
He just nods, looking down, then looking back up in my direction.
                          
"Thank you... for telling me."
                          
I really feel like I need to get these things off my chest, so I keep going.
                          
"I have these things called panic attacks. When something reminds me of the accident or makes me nervous, it triggers one. Sometimes I feel like I'm dying, other times I can't breathe or I just can't stop shaking. I can also have flashbacks which bring me back and make me feel like I'm living it all over again. Those are really hard. And I have nightmares a lot too."

                          
...
                          
Shit. I've said too much.
                          
As I was talking, I started staring at the floor, so I look back up at him.
                          
His eyes are wide. His mouth is open.
                          
Did I terrify him?
                          
I pause for a moment just to watch his expression. 
                          
"...Hinata? Are you all right?"
                          
He shakes his head back and forth, not giving me an answer, just trying to bring himself back together. 
                          
"No- I mean... yeah, I'm fine. But... god, Kageyama-Kun. Th-thank you. For letting me know."
                          
That felt really good.
                          
I should fire my therapist and hire Hinata instead. 
                          
Although that would most likely break both him and his tiny brain, so I shake the thought out of my mind.
                          
"Did you just have one? A... A panic attack?"
                          
"Yeah. That's probably why I threw up. I'm okay now, though."
                          
He nods, then gets up.
                          
"Can you stand?"
                          
"I think so."
                          
I need to use my hands to support me, but I get up.
                          
"It's already time for lunch, but I think your mom should pick you up. We can go to the classroom and grab your stuff too."
                          
He picks up his bag, which I didn't notice he had with him.
                          
Then he takes me by the hand, and we walk out of the bathroom together.
                          


                          


                          
HINATA
                          
After Kageyama gets picked up, I decide to walk to the gym. There's still some time left before the next period.
                          
I can't stop thinking about what just happened. It's insane, what Kageyama is going through. 
                          
I'm also surprised that he confided in me. I'm really happy he did.
                          
Closer to the gym, I notice Sugawara and Tanaka standing at the entrance. They're talking and laughing about something, but I'm still too far away to hear them. When they notice me walking towards them, they wave. 
                          
"Hey Hinata," Tanaka calls out. 
                          
"Hi!"
                          
Once I arrive, Sugawara takes a step towards me.
                          
"I heard about what happened. Did you talk to Kageyama at all?"
                          
"Yeah... Wait, you 'heard'? How'd you know something happened?"
                          
Tanaka crosses his arms.
                          
"Word spreads fast. God, that dumb substitute-"
                          
Sugawara put his hand on Tanaka's shoulder. "Don't say that Tanaka, he was just being friendly. There's no way he could have known. Anyways, Hinata, is he okay?"
                          
I nod. "I found him in the bathroom, he wasn't feeling good, but we talked and he opened up to me about some stuff. I think he's doing better now." I choose not to tell them about his PTSD, because I'm not sure whether or not he's comfortable with telling everyone.
                          
They both sigh in relief.
                          
The bell signals that it's time for the sixth period, so we say goodbye to each other.