Chapter 66

                                    

                                          
the song is Recover by Ruelle (look above)!
also, a huge thanks for 7k! 🤍
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TWO WEEKS LATER/ PETER'S POV:
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I stand outside (y/n)'s door, bouncing back and forth on the balls of my feet as I listen to her music. Should I really do this? Things are already awkward enough as it is. 
                          
After I kissed her and we both confessed our feelings— false, on my part, at least— things have just been... different. 
                          
We still behave pretty much the same around each other, having normal conversations and acting like two close friends would. 
                          
Close friends. 
                          
Not best friends. 
                          
Not anymore. 
                          
We've been distant. Both of us have just drifted. Small periods of silence halt our sentences, making the space between us even more noticeable. The playful teasing and nicknames have died down a bit, making it less special. 
                          
Maybe we're growing up.
                          
But I still can't help but feel that it's more. 
                          
I want to go back. Even if I can't have her in the relationship I want, I at least want her in a relationship I know I love. The one that I need, no matter the situation.
                          
I take a deep breath, lifting my hand to knock on her door when the angelic voice of her singing accompanied by her piano comes through, stopping me in my tracks.
                          
"Can we recover? Can we get over this? Are we too frozen inside to feel the flame?"
                          
This song came out so many years ago. I'm surprised that I even remember it. I mouth the following words to the bridge as she keeps singing, unaware of my presence.
                          
"Can we start over?"
                          
Please, please let us.
                          
"Say it's not over?"
                          
It's not, (y/n). It's not.
                          
"Is there a light at the end, a place where we start again?"
                          
There is, I promise. I'll find it. We both will.
                          
"When there's a hunger within, these wounded hearts can mend."
                          
I know that we can fix this. All I'm hoping for is that you do, too.
                          
"Can we recover?"
                          
We can.
                          
"Can we get over this?"
                          
We will.
                          
"Are we too deep in the night to see the day?"
                          
I swear to any divine being or god that may be out there that we're not. It may feel like it, but we aren't.
                          
I only wish that you know that.
                          
I push my hand forward, letting it rap against the wood. I hear some shuffling behind the door, and it opens, revealing her. Her eyes are slightly red, hidden sadness being reflected in them. She looks tired, exhausted, even, and the sight of her breaks my heart. The fact that I wasn't there for her, that I didn't know what was going on, it hurts. But the feeling of being this close to her, the way she's looking up at me with gentle expectancy in her eyes, the longing coursing through me as I take in her beautiful face... it breaks my heart.
                          
Because I don't know if I'll ever be able to have her. I don't know if she'll ever look at me the same way she did all those years ago.
                          
Times have changed. We've changed with them.
                          
But the way I can read her hasn't.
                          
I can see that she's confused. She isn't sure about her feelings. About what to do, and I can tell that she wants some space.
                          
But as selfish as it sounds, I need this. I need to let her know.
                          
So I act.
                          
Without even thinking about the consequences or the benefits.
                          
Just out of my love for the girl in front of me.