41.

                                    

                                          


                          
It didn't work out. It never does. Niall left at the end of July. We spent every possible moment up until then together, trying to do normal stuff, like going to the park, eating dinner, watching movies, but the whole time there was a dark cloud over us, reminding us that it wouldn't last. The good things never last. 
                          
"Hey, sweets. How are you?" Niall asked when he walked into my apartment, the day before he was supposed to leave. I look up from my seat on the couch, and send him a pathetic excuse for a smile, before telling him I'm good. He walks over and climbs into the sofa, lying down in between my legs, and his elbows by my face, brushing a loose strand of hair away from my face. "No, you're not," he concludes, and kisses my cheek. "I'm just bummed out I guess." I say, not looking him in the eyes. "Please don't be. I'll be back before you know it, I promise," he tells me, leaning down to kiss me, but I turn my head so his lips meet my cheek one more time. "Sweets, seriously, I'll be back in two weeks. We can do two weeks." I shrug, still not looking at him. "Yeah, I could do two weeks. But it's not two weeks. It's two years. I'll maybe see you for a couple of months each year, Niall," I say, sounding harsher than I intended. "Love, I know. It will be hard, like really fucking hard, but we can do it, I swear," he says, and I finally look up at him. "Don't you understand? It's not gonna be we once you move. It will be me and you. We could do it, but I can't. I'm sorry." He sits up, and looks at me. "What are you trying to say?" he asks, his attitude completely different, a sad undertone in his voice. "I think we should take a break. Wait until you're done with the tour. I love you, Niall, and if this is meant to be I will still love you when you're done, but right now I can't do this," I tell him, wiping away a tear from my cheek. "You want to take a break?" he states, and I nod. He looks at me, and his eyes are glazed. "But I love you," he mumbles, looking down at his hands. "And I love you." I say, and he looks up again. "Fuck it," he mumbles, pulling me into him, kissing me softly. 
                          
We had break up sex that night. Or technically just break, no up, but everyone knows that a break means breakup. He left the next morning before I woke up, leaving a note that said We're gonna watch the sun come up again. I love you. I cried at that, knowing he referred to the time we watched the sun in the Bahamas. I'm starting to consider if this was the first time he realized he had feelings for me, stronger than the urge to kiss me. We both knew it was over, but we still texted occasionally, asking how the other was doing. 
                          
"No, Roman, I'm not joining you to that party this weekend, I'm not in the mood," I told Roman at work in september. He groans and picks up a magazine before he hits me lightly with it. "Yes you are. I'm not taking no for an answer. You haven't gone to a party since you and Niall ended things. It's time to get out, have some fun." I look at him, before shrugging and going back to my work. "You're not a joy to be around," he mumbles making me laugh. "No? I wonder why," I say, rolling my eyes at his annoying behavior. "I'm picking you up at seven. I don't care if you're dressed or not, I'll carry you out of the apartment if I have to," Roman says, before getting up from his chair, getting ready to leave for the day. 
                          
"I'm here Em!" I hear Roman shout from my living room some hours later. I groan, before pulling at the ends of my black dress, trying to make it longer. After knowing Roman for years, I figured he wasn't lying when he said he would carry me out of here if he had to, so I decided to dress up so that I would look decent. "You look hot." I turn around quickly, spotting Roman leaning up against the doorframe. "Whatever," I breathe out, grabbing my purse. He stands there for a while, looking at me. "Are we going or what?" I ask, a little annoyed. He nods and starts walking, and I follow him. 
                          
"Shots, come on!" Roman says loudly as soon as we walk into the club. He grabs my hand and drags me over to the bartender, asking for four shots. When the bartender puts them up on the counter, I down them as quickly as possible, my nose scrunching at the taste. If I was here I might as well get hammered. I ask the guy for another one, and Roman shoots me an amused look. "Shut up," I mumble, downing another one, feeling the liquid burn down my throat. "I'm not carrying you out tonight, just so you know that," he says, leaning down to talk into my ear. "You will if you have to." Before Roman can say anything, he spots some of his friends and drags me over to them. I stand there awkwardly, not really knowing what to do as I don't really know any of them. 
                          
After about ten minutes I get tired of it, and tell Roman I'm going to the toilet. After my toilet visit, where I encountered two girls crying and a couple moaning from one of the stalls, I walked back over to the bartender, getting a beer. I sit down on the chair, and look out, trying to spot Roman, or at least someone I know. I do, but not someone I wanted to see. Niall is standing in a corner, talking with a blonde girl. I bite my lip and look away, not wanting to see him whisper into the girl's ear. Yeah, I broke things off with him, but there was no point denying the fact that I still had feelings for him. I chug the last of my beer, and by now the shots have started showing their effect. I walk over to where I left Roman, and find him pretty quickly. "Ro, wanna dance with me?" I ask, putting my arms around his neck. "Uh, yeah, sure," he says, removing my arms from his neck, looking at me like I'm crazy, before taking my hand and guiding me to the dancefloor. I look back over to the corner where I spotted Niall, and he's still standing there, the blonde girl leaning up to say something, but he's staring right at me, making my heart stop for a second. I quickly look away, focusing back on Roman, as he's telling me something. I nod along, not really listening to what he has to say, as I move my body to the beat, swaying my hips. It's super petty, but I want to make Niall jealous. I know I shouldn't, but after the alcohol and spotting Niall with that girl, I couldn't help it, and I knew that the only reason I did it is because I'm jealous. After making sure Niall is looking, I lean up and kiss Roman, taking him by surprise. When I pull back, he looks at me weirdly, and I just shrug, walking off to the bar. 
                          
I sit down on a chair and ask for a beer. When I get it I sense someone standing beside me, and I turn around. I'm met by a pair of blue eyes, just a meter beside me. "Hi, Niall," I say, as casually as I can. "Hello, Emily," he says, sitting down on the chair beside me. "So, you and Roman?" he trails off. "No." He looks up at me, confused. I shrug and pick on the label on my beer, not wanting to talk. "I miss you," I say quietly, and he stiffens. "Doesn't seem like it." I look up at him, frowning. "I mean, I don't think you do. I think you miss the idea of me liking you. You like it when people watch you. I don't mean this in a bad way, not at all. I just think that you know how to drive people crazy. You knew I was watching, so you kissed Roman. Yeah, I miss you, but I'm starting to think a break might be good for us," he tells me, and I feel my heart clench at his words. Niall gives me a sad smile, before walking over to the exit, leaving with the blonde girl.
                          


                          
AN// Sorry not sorry:)