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NOH Mira had always been the second-favorite child in her family. It was always Nara that shone like the brightest star on the horizon. Mira had realized that at the sweet age of four. Nara had taken one of her own Barbie dolls and had ripped its head off. She ran to their parents and accused Mira of doing so.
Mira had earned a hit on the butt and wasn't allowed to play with Nara's toys anymore. Even though she never touched Nara's Barbie's. She didn't like Barbie's. She liked plush animals—especially bunnies.
Mira also learned that it wasn't enough to just work hard to earn her parents love. When Nara was twelve, she wanted a pet. The then eight year old Mira was excited, she knew that if Nara asked for a pet, she would get one. And Mira was right. A few days later a black and white spotted bunny was sitting in a pretty cage in Nara's room. The bunny was the epitome of cuteness and Mira could sit in front of the cage for hours and just look at the tiny creature with the button eyes and the wiggly nose.
And that was Mira's second downfall. One day, Nara wanted to take pictures of her and the bunny. Mira was sitting on Nara's desk chair and watching her older sister skillfully taking the bunny out of its cage. Up to this day, Mira hadn't touched the bunny. It was Nara's pet after all.
Nara took the bunny and set it on her bed. She patted its tiny head and Mira felt envy in her body. She wanted to pet the bunny as well. But she stayed on her chair. She watched Nara fumble with her camera, to take a few pictures, when the bunny decided to jump towards her.
Nara flinched and jumped out of the way, which caused the bunny to fall from the bed. It tried landing on its tiny feet, but the bed was too high for the small creature and the bunny landed on the floor with a thud. It's nose was moving frantically and it tried to stand up, but his legs couldn't move.
Nara stared at the bunny and Mira jumped from the chair to the bunny, she carefully touched his head and looked at her older sister. „Nara-unnie! Do something!", she called and Nara blinked twice, before opening the door of her room.
„Mum! Dad! Mira took Toby out of his cage and she dropped him!" Nara yelled down the stairs, tears streaming down her face. Mira wined her eyes. She felt her heartbeat speed up and jumped up. „Unnie! That's not true and you know it!" The eight-year-old called and Nara looked at her. „She killed Toby!" Nara yelled louder, looking Mira straight in the eye.
Mira heard her parents run up the stairs. Mrs Noh held Nara in her arms, comforting her about the bunnies fate, while Mr Noh walked into Nara's room, right pass the bunny. He stood in front of Mira like an iron wall. A wall so unclimbable and strong it stirred fear inside of Mira.
Mr Noh looked at his youngest daughter and lift his hand. It landed on Mira's cheek in such a force, it made the girl stumble over the bunny and into Nara's closet.
Tears were streaming down Mira's face, while her father picked up the paralyzed bunny. „We need to get him to the vet. Maybe they can save him, okay?" He looked at Nara and walked down the stairs. Mrs Noh looked into the room and saw Mira holding her cheek, while sitting in front of the closet with eyes as big as plates.
„Darling", Mira heard her father yell. „Are you coming?" Mira locked eyes with her mother who turned away from her and walk downstairs. Mira started rocking back and forth.
Noh Mira was eight years old, when she had her first mental breakdown. She had killed Nara's rabbit. She looked like a ghost when she walked from Nara's bedroom into her own bedroom. Over her bed was a poster of a cute bunny within sunflowers. Mira looked at the poster and started crying.
She sat down on the floor opposite of her closet and started banging her head against the wooden door of the closet. She killed her sister's bunny. She killed her sister's bunny. She ruined Nara's life. She killed her bunny. It was all Mira's fault.
That evening, Nara and her parents had come back from the vet with a new bunny; Toby-Two. He looked exactly like Toby, only the spots were on different places of its body.
Nara had gotten a key to her room from her father. He told her, that she was allowed to lock Mira out of her room. And Nara did. She didn't only lock her out of her room, but out of her life.
Mira realized she wasn't part of her family anymore, when her parents started taking Nara on little day trips. Mira was thirteen and knew that she didn't really belong to the Noh's anymore. But she loved her parents. She loved them. And she loved Nara. Even though she knew she was ruining her parents life.
Mira had been surprised when Nara invited her to live with Gaeul and herself. Mira had thought Nara had finally understood, but she was wrong. Mira was so wrong. Nara only wanted Mira to live with her, because Mira earned her own money. Because Mira wasn't depending on their parents anymore.
But Mira didn't see this side on Nara. She never saw the envy in Nara's eyes, when Mira came home with a new pair of shoes, because she could afford them. Mira didn't see the toxic envy in Nara's behavior when Gaeul told her, that Mira had a boyfriend.
Mira only saw the result of Nara's anger and jealousy. Nara yelled at her and stole her clothes. She dissed the boy Mira had a crush on and threw porcelain bowls towards her. Nara had kicked her out. Nara hated her little sister. And Mira knew that. Yet she showered her older sister in love and adoration. She bought Nara expensive designer clothes, even though she was broke afterwards. Just to get a thank you.
But what did Mira get? A „fuck off, you annoying brat". Nothing more, nothing less. Nara gave the expensive presents to Gaeul, just to piss Mira off. Nara was twenty-two and still played the victim after all these years. And Mira was eighteen, and failed to realize how her sister tricked her.
The bowl-situation was the same as the bunny situation. Mira hadn't killed Toby. Neither did Nara. The bunny fell of the bed and broke the back of his neck. But it was easier for Nara to accuse Mira of something instead of saying it was an accident.
It's easier to throw bowls at Mira, who doesn't defend herself instead of understanding that the man you fancy is already taken.
Mira was sitting at her desk. Her hands were shivering, while her pencil danced over the paper in front of her. She was out of her mind. Her phone was turned off. Her room was as clean as possible and tears quietly dripped down.
Mira had a plan. She had a plan to make all of this stop hurting. To stop making her feel so god damn worthless. She would let all the walls she built these past eighteen years fall down. She would show her parents that she was here. And that she was hurt.
