25 - Stupid Mistake - Brollins

                                    

                                          
I felt another tear fall, I just couldn't stop myself could I. I had something good, so of course I had to go and do the one thing that would ruin it all. We were going so good, so why did I have to go and cheat on the woman I love with some random guy from the gala. I could blame it on the alcohol but I knew what I was doing, my mind was screaming at me to stop but I couldn't it was too late. It didn't mean anything to me and I really don't know why I did it, I loved Becky I really did. But now it's over, because of me.
                          
I sit up, the only light now was coming from the streetlights outside. It's Thursday, normally I'd be excited to get back to the ring but now I want nothing less. I don't want to see the hurt I have caused, I don't want to see Becky suffering. I can't sleep, our fight keep's replaying in my head. I could hear the hurt behind every word and when her sobs overtook her I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around her and promise it would be okay. We spent a lot of our time like that but I didn't mind, Becky was scared I would hurt her in the end and I promised I wouldn't but I did which makes it hurt even more.
                          
["It was just one stupid kiss I swear!" I was now pleading with my girlfriend, desperate that she would understand and forgive me. "That wasn't what it looked like! You were all over each other! How do you expect me to believe you Rollins?" The use of my last name stung, but I know I deserved it. "I'm sorry! Please, I don't want to lose you!" We both have tear stained cheeks and I can feel a part of my heart getting torn away from me. "Then why would you do that! We were supposed to be getting married in a week!"
                          
She looked me dead in the eye and I just knew. "Please don't do this, we can work this out please!" she shook her head. "I thought you loved me, I really thought I'd found my forever in you!" She looked away from me and I was just trying to hold myself together. "I love you too Becky~" "No, no you don't because you wouldn't have done the one thing that would hurt me the most! Now please just go..." She had tears streaming down her face as she pointed to the door. "Please just go..." I walked towards the door but before leaving I looked back at her and never in my life have a felt like such an awful human being. ]
                          
*
                          
I feel sick, I just feel sick. I should be in Alt Empordà getting married to who I thought was the love of my life today but instead I'm on my sofa crying, alone. I can't understand why he'd do it, I thought what we had was good, I thought we loved each other but I guess it was a one way relationship. I let him in, I trusted him after everything I'd been through before in past relationships and he hurt me. I always thought Seth was too good to be true, I guess I was right. 
                          
That stupid gala, I didn't even want to go but Seth was so enthusiastic to go. He said it would be a nice night to end a shit year, guess my night couldn't have gone worse. The award show was boring but it always is, things seemed good then. Seth had his hand resting on my thigh for the whole ceremony which I found sweet, after the ceremony we met up with Charlotte and Roman, we all were talking and just generally having a nice evening. The champagne was flowing and everybody was enjoying themselves including me and then things turned sour. Seth needed the bathroom so he kissed me on the cheek and left, I didn't think anything of it at the time but I probably should've.
                          
It seemed to have been ages since he'd left and clearly I wasn't the only one who thought that. "Maybe you should go and see if he's alright, don't worry I'll watch your champagne glass." Before I could even respond, I felt the glass being taken from my hand by Charlotte. Now with no reason to stay, I found myself walking to the bathroom. My intoxicated mind was clearly not prepared for what I was about to say. I swung the bathroom door open and I saw them, Seth pressed against the sinks with some random kissing him. He had his hands in Seth's shirt and Seth had his hands in the guy's hair pulling him closer.
                          
As soon as Seth saw me he pushed the guy off, I felt my mouth go dry as Seth readjusted his suit. "Becky it wasn't what it looked like." Cliché, of course it was what it looked like. My fiancé snogging some random man, for what? I couldn't speak, my eyes just traced Seth's messy attire and swollen lips. I could feel tears building in my eyes as the realisation of what happened hit me, I didn't know what to do but all I knew is that I needed to get away. I turned and rushed back through the bathroom door, I clearly caught a lot of attention as the room fell mostly silent as I ran through crying my eyes out, with Seth not far behind me.