04

                                    

                                          
I felt guilt overcome me as soon as I walked out of my room and he didn't follow me but instead went back to his room, shutting the door rather loudly. I never wanted to be harsh towards him, but I felt that he should not spend so much time on me, a mere piece of shit. I know that it probably had hurt his feelings to a certain extent, but distancing myself was the only way to stop the growing feelings and wasting his time. Anyways, I was probably not even his soulmate and love between non-soulmates were not only rare, but also looked down upon. I could not tarnish his reputation. He deserves much better.
                          
"Hoshi hyung"
                          
I heard dk walk up to me and call me.
                          
"yes?"
                          
"You had another night terror last night isn't it?"
                          
I could only nod my head meekly. I hope i didn't disturb his sleep...
                          
"I saw woozi hyung calming you down and cuddling you to bed."
                          
Shit. That statement just made the guilt pile up even more. 
                          
"Did you anger him?" 
                          
"Uhm... I may or may not have asked him to not worry about me when he..." I awkwardly scratched my nape.
                          
"Do you know what the heck you just did?!"
                          
I only looked at him, confused but surprised to see my usually cheerful dongsaeng angry.
                          
"Last night, he came back at almost 3am. He was already very tired after hours of producing. Not only that. He helped you calm down from the night terror and then cuddled you so that you could sleep well after it!"
                          
"I-I..."
                          
"Hyung, I know that the past is haunting you. But don't let it get in the way of you and woozi hyung's friendship. You should talk to him. Come on let's go eat."
                          
The immense guilt weighed upon my chest after hearing his words. Suddenly, I wanted to rewind time but that isn't possible.
                          
~~~
                          
"jihoon?" 
                          
I heard coups hyung call from outside.
                          
"Can I come in?"
                          
"ok..." I replied. Anyways even if I said no he would pester me or find a way to open the door, be it finding the key, picking the lock or just knocking it down.
                          
I unlocked the door and he softly opened the door and closed it behind him.
                          
"What's wrong? You have been cooped up here the whole day. That's so unlike you."
                          
"I'm fine."
                          
"Nope. Whenever you say 'fine' you are never fine. I know you for 7 years already. That won't trick me."
                          
I sighed. Sometimes how quick he could see though this façade of mine was annoying but strangely relieving at the same time. 
                          
"Soonyoung shut you out again?"
                          
I nodded.
                          
"Jihoon ah- you are not entitled to helping him..."
                          
"I know but I want to. He's broken, has been so ever since he got that tattoo of his."
                          
"Out of everyone, you and me know the most how abusive his father was, we experienced it first hand. But maybe, you should give him some time to sort out his feelings from the trauma. Give him space and time."
                          
"But he still has night terrors so often... Especially these few days it acted up again. It has been 7 years but he hasn't gotten over it hyung..."
                          
"7 years is too little for him to get over this jihoon ah-"
                          
"I just feel like I could help him more... So he won't keep degrading himself."
                          
"His memories are the one triggering them aren't they?"
                          
I nodded.
                          
"Then distract him from the memories."
                          
coups hyung only winked and walked out after that.
                          
Distract him? But how?