Fifteen

                                    

                                          
Kelsey's POV. 
                          
"Yeah no shit I know you are, but you know what? I fucking can't keep doing this anymore, I've had enough Shawn! It hurts me and you don't even realise that, like why are we even friends if you can't trust me but just keeps hurting me? I can't do this!" I yell at Shawn furiously trying to cover up I could start crying any minute while saying that and then run upstairs leaving him alone with Scott. Once I reach the last steps I immediately run to the bathroom. I don't even get to sit down before I break down crying. I quickly end up on the floor crying my heart out. Did I overreact? It's all my fault, I shouldn't have gotten so mad. He probably hates me now. I've messed up everything now, fuck what have I done. We used to be so close before he left for tour firsthand, but now? All we do is fight, we barely talk about anything, it's like we're strangers to each other, what happened? He's been acting so weird around me the last few days, have I done something wrong? Couldn't he just tell me if I did something? I probably did something to hurt him, I always end up hurting the ones I care about fuck. I then feel a pair of hands around me pulling me a little so they're now wrapped around me. I don't even know who the hands belong to all I do is continue to cry. "Fuck fuck fuck, I'm so so sorry Kels!" The person says and I notice it's Shawn's voice. "Shawn?" I manage to say after a few tries in between sobs. "Yes it's me, I'm right here. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry Kels." He says holding me closer for every sorry he says. He keeps apologising repeatedly while holding me so close that I can feel his heartbeat, which is fast. I have never been this close to him, but I can't help but actually enjoying it. "Kels I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere! I'm so fucking sorry." He says with so full of emotions that I can feel it on his heartbeat. After awhile of him repeatedly apologising he manages to calm me down, so now I'm slightly crying with more focus on his presence. "I messed up so badly that I hurt you right?" I ask him quietly in between sobs. "NO! You didn't mess up, I did Kels! Please don't say that, it's all on me." He says with a serious face. "But it's my fault, I hurt you." I say still trying to avoid eye contact. "It's not your fault! Stop blaming yourself love, you did nothing wrong!" He says still trying to convince me. "But I always end up hurting the people I care about and I hurt you, so it is my fault." I tell him starting to cry a little more again. "How many times do I have to tell you that it isn't your fault? You didn't do anything wrong, I did! I'm the one who hurt you and I feel awful for that! I messed up and that's why we ended up like this, I'm so sorry!" He says with an apologetic face full of guilt and a bit of panic as well. "But look I'm the one crying my heart out, I wouldn't be if I hadn't done something wrong right?" I ask him while looking at myself in the mirror. "What you see in that mirror is a side of you who's hurting inside, and not because you've done something wrong, but because firstly you have been through a lot like no one else has and secondly by the way I have hurt you, was the final straw for you to break down! That is what is showing in that mirror right now." He says while looking at me in the mirror. I look awful, my eyes are puffy and red. Nose is running from all the crying. I hate this, the empty look in my eyes proves that he's right. I'm broken. "Come let's go downstairs, the floor isn't too comfortable anymore." He says with half a smile half laugh. "Okay." I say naturally with no emotions. He then help me get up to then wrap his arm around me and lead me with him down to the living room. He helps placing me down on the sofa and then sit down next to me. We just sit there in silence for a few minutes until he finally starts talking. "Do you remember the way of how we met? That was good times." He says trying to make conversation. "I do remember, I miss that day. Everything was good then." I say with half a smile while reminiscing the moment. "It was indeed, how did everything end up going so badly between us? Like what happened? We used to be so close." He says looking like a question sign. "All I know is since you left for tour you barely talked with me, I mean I know you talked with your family all the time cause Aaliyah told me and when you came back you sent that text and since that you've been distant, so I don't know?" I tell him honestly while also being a little confused, cause I never really understood why he was like that. "But you didn't really talk to me much either though? I wasn't ignoring you at any point, I do admit I was distant but I can explain that, but what I don't get is why you didn't really talk much either?" He asks me all confused. "Oh I didn't think about that, thing is I felt like if I texted you first I would end up telling you about what was going on, so I just waited for you to text me but you barely did that." I tell him with a sigh. "Oh I see, looks like we've both depended on one another to text first I guess." He says. "So you depended on me to text you too? Or what? I'm not really following what you mean by that, why didn't you text more? And what about that text you sent me when you came back?" I ask him really confused. "Yes sort of. I was working on something secretly and I was scared I would spoil it to you, so I guess I just waited on you to text me, and I am sorry for being distant in the texts I did send you. About that text, I was trying to buy myself more time till I could spoil the secret project for you, but I can see I didn't do it the right way, I only made things worse between us doing it that way unfortunately." He says while reflecting on it. "So we're both to blame for ending up like this?" I ask him still a bit confused. "I would say I'm most to blame, cause after all I should have thought more about how things were here at home for you and the way I've handled things while being back only made us drift apart, like I can clearly see why you ended up telling Scott first now and I'm sorry I didn't realise that before. I promised to be there for you, but all I have done is hurt you over and over again, and I'm really sorry about that! You deserve a guy like Scott, he's been a way better friend than I have been lately." He says. "But what are we going to do? Scott's been so good to me, but I need my bestie too." I tell him with a smile. "Maybe we should just start over?" He asks with a hopeful smile.  "I'd like to do that honestly, I've missed being with you." I say with a smile.  "First things first though, I am sorry about everything, can you forgive me?" He asks me with a serious face. "If this new start means no secrets, we're being honest with each other and we can spend more time together again, then yes I forgive you." I tell him with a hopeful smile. "Deal! No secrets and honesty from now on!" He says very serious. "Alright Mendes, you're forgiven. Damn I've missed talking with you." I say with a giggle. "And I've missed that pretty smile of yours!" He says while looking at me. I can't help but blush a little when he said that, and I don't even know why. "So should we actually go continue with the makeover after all or?" He says with a comforting smile. "I'm not really feeling it, I'm way too exhausted from all this crying, but wait a second now that you mention it, where did Scott go?" I ask him completely confused as it just now hit me that I actually don't know where he is in all this. "Oh that's right! Well after he yelled at me to make me realise how badly I messed up, he said I should go sort things out with you, so he said he was gonna leave so we could be alone." He says. "Wait he yelled at you? Aw I'll give him a call later." I say softly. "Yeah he did, but I'm glad he did though. It's obvious he really cares about you, I'm glad you found a guy like that." He says with a mixed face that I can't really tell what is right and what's not. It's like he's grateful but at the same time disappointed? I just brush it off.