7.19

                                    

                                          
Lu Fengmian didn't know how he made it back to his room. He didn't know how long he had sat, how long he pretended to smile as his own heart slowly tore, as the realization that this world was too different dawned upon him.
                          
As he closed the door in his room, his body weakly slid down. Lu Fengmian's hand was trembling as he touched his face, not shocked to feel the sudden wetness. There was a mocking smile on his face even as his lips trembled, small tears falling down his face.
                          
It hurts... He had never imagined this before. Lu Fengmian was always so sure that no matter which world, Tang Qingshan would always be his, that the soul within each body would fall in love with him and be his. But reality showed that Lu Fengmian was wrong.
                          
Not to mention, he was weak in this world. Lu Fengmian had no status, no power, and no information about how this world was progressing. He was weak. Other than being a fox demon, Lu Fengmian could not compare.
                          
There was a tearing in his heart that made Lu Fengmian choke up. The way Tang Qingshan had smiled so beautifully, so brightly was something that he had never seen before. He had seen Tang Qingshan smile, but none could compare to when he had seen Xu Weiyuan. It was a smile so bright and pure, filled with adoration and love, Lu Fengmian understood at once that he couldn't compare to the man Tang Qingshan held.
                          
And it was so painful. Even as Lu Fengmian smiled as gently as ever, there was a voice in his heart aching to be let out, to cry out his grievances. But Lu Fengmian continued acting, putting the most effort in retaining his demeanor. Now, he was collapsing, the pain attacking him head on.
                          
It was so funny because Lu Fengmian clearly already knew that Tang Qingshan had someone in his heart. He had known it the moment Tang Qingshan talked about another person he wanted to protect. Lu Fengmian had known that Tang Qingshan loved someone the moment he looked into his eyes to find only the love for a friend that was there. He had clearly known, yet his heart had refused this thought. Lu Fengmian continued to pretend being blind, even as he could tell that Tang Qingshan didn't love him.
                          
And now, the pain was attacking him twice as hard. It was to the point where Lu Fengmian's body felt numb, every breath aching to the vein, and even his eyes wanted to just shut down. Lu Fengmian fought to control his heart that was aching in pain, his red eyes looking up as he harshly wiped his tears away.
                          
There was a sorrowful smile on his face as he came face to face with reality. This was alright. No matter what, Lu Fengmian's role was to protect Lu Yingyue. He knew that Tang Qingshan did not retain his memories of their past together so Lu Fengmian could not be angry at him. Not to mention, he could clearly see just why Tang Qingshan had fallen for Xu Weiyuan. The man's demeanor was similar to Lu Fengmian's, only, his was genuine.
                          
Lu Fengmian controlled his shaking breath, calming himself down. Tang Qingshan was happy, Lu Fengmian had clearly seen it. Although it hurts him, the pain engulfing him, Lu Fengmian did not want to be greedy and selfish. 
                          
The man was so happy, Lu Fengmian wasn't going to break him and Xu Weiyuan apart just so that he would be the one next to Tang Qingshan. Just this one world. In this world, Lu Fengmian would let Tang Qingshan find love with someone else. 
                          
Thinking this, a smile showed on his face, light and soft yet bittersweet. Lu Fengmian pushed himself up, his whole body trembling and shaking as he stabled himself. 
                          
His eyes were glazed red, bringing about the image of a crying beauty, a beauty in tears, invoking a sense of heartache. Lu Fengmian continued letting out the deep breaths in his heart, trying to sooth his aching heart.
                          
Even as he restored his normal demeanor, there was a sense of sadness hidden within his eyes. Lu Fengmian looked out the window, gazing at the flying birds and the bright moon that lingered in the sky.