September 22nd 2014 (Same Day)

                                    

                                          
"So your excuse is?" I asked him as we sat down on the biggest rock we could find on the property. 
                          
"Excuse?" he repeated.
                          
"For making me leave." I laughed. "You must have a better one then I'm a dickhead asshole who likes throwing helpless people out of the safest place they've been in since it began." 
                          
"No - no that's about right." He ran his fingers through his hair. "You really hate me don't you?" 
                          
"Hate is a strong word." I smiled harshly. "But that is the word I would use to describe my feelings for you yes." 
                          
"I'll add yet another person to the list then." He laughed. 
                          
"What?" I asked. 
                          
"Well; basically since you left and then everyone turned on me. I have hardly talked to anyone for the past month." He mumbled. 
                          
"Well you made a dickie move." I replied. I kind of felt happy that he was disliked for his decision. No one tried to talk him out of it and that hurt; but the fact that they were generally upset about it makes me feel way better. 
                          
"I know." He sighed. "I regret it." 
                          
"You should." I laughed. "I'm a great person to be around." 
                          
"I know that." He whispered looking up at me. I was a bi taken aback. No smart comment? No snide remark? No insult?
                          
"Wait what?"
                          
"Every day you were gone I asked myself what was wrong with me. I just - know how dumb I was for letting you walk out that door." He mumbled.
                          
"Don't." I stood. 
                          
"What?" he asked also standing. 
                          
"Don't pretend to be nice to me after what you did." I said. 
                          
"I'm not pretending."
                          
"I don't want to hear it." I walked away from him. It probably wasn't good leaving him alone in the middle of nowhere, but I had to get away from him. I stomped across the grass, heading back to the house. I turn to see him follow me and sigh. "Go away Joe." I yelled. 
                          
"No I want to talk about this." He said. I just about reached the front stairs when I felt him grab my arm and turn me around like he did when I wouldn't listen to him about James. 
                          
"Let go." 
                          
"Look I know that making you leave wasn't the best idea and me not even saying goodbye hurt you but I had things going on okay? I had things I needed to figure out. I'm so sorry." I felt my hands curl into fists, my throat suddenly becoming dry. 
                          
"That doesn't give you the right to come here and act like nothing happened; like you never did anything." I blurted out. 
                          
"I'm sorry -" he repeated. I could see out of the corner of my eye a small crowd had gathered on the porch; but the intense heat I was feeling in my stomach made me unsure whether I cared or not that they were watching.
                          
"How about you take your apologies and shove them up your ass." I yelled. He stared hard at me, biting down hard so his jaw line became more visible.
                          
"That's not fair." He said making me laugh dryly. 
                          
"Don't you fricking tell me what's fair and what's not. Do you want to know what nots fair? Giving someone the best parts of yourself and then having to watch them throw it away like it was nothing. Crying nearly every day because someone you desperately needed decided you weren't good enough for them anymore. That's what's not fair." I felt myself wanting to walk away but I knew we weren't done. 
                          
"You know I didn't mean to hurt you. I was stupid and I regret it so much -"
                          
"I hate you." I whispered, roughly wiping away a tear that was rolling down my cheek. 
                          
"Don't cry." He whispered. 
                          
"Oh look," I said with a sad smile, "For once, you're actually here to watch me cry."
                          
"Please stop -" he cut off, probably unsure what to say after that. I look at him with a broken stare. I hated yelling like this. I hated him. I hated what he did. I took a deep breath and sighed, looking up at the crowd on the porch. I found Hudson, looking at me pitifully. 
                          
"Please." I begged, looking back at Joe. My voice was so raspy; it was like listening to shattering glass. "Stop breaking my heart." This time, he didn't retaliate. He just looked at me, blankly, unsure of what to say again. I sighed. "You have to leave, but not today. You have up until tomorrow to gather you're things, but by the time I wake up you will be gone. Take the others, don't, I don't care." I walked away from him and up the porch steps. Everyone stepped aside to make a path for me to get inside. I tried not to look anyone in the eyes as I walked past the. Especially the people of my old group; they would probably be most disappointed.  I open the front door and step in, letting it slam behind me. I run up the stairs and into my room; also slamming that door behind me. I jump on my bed, dig my head into the pillows and scream until my voice gives out. 
                          
"I would ask if you're okay but I already know the answer." I heard a soft voice say. I lift my head to see Hudson standing in the doorway; probably scared to come in. I sat up and patted the spot on the bed next to me. 
                          
"Sit down." I mumbled. He followed my orders and walked over to the bed, sitting down in the spot I indicated. "I need to know." I stopped; scared to ask the question. Hudson's opinion is the only one I care about - if he thinks badly of it I won't know what to do. "Did I make the right decision? Kicking him out." I waited for his answer; but he kind of just stared at me, blankly. "You think I made the wrong decision." I whispered. 
                          
"No - I think you were right doing what you did, but do you think you were right?" he asked. 
                          
"I'm sorry?" I raised my eyebrows; not quite understanding what he meant. 
                          
"You were angry - you still are. But when you calm down do you think you will be truly happy with your decision?" he asked. I opened my mouth to talk - but nothing came out. He was right; I think it's a good thing he is leaving, but will I tomorrow when I wake up and he's gone. "Do you want to know what I really think?" he asked. I nodded. 
                          
"You seem to be the only person around here that's sane." I whispered. 
                          
"I think you're still secretly not over him." he looked at his hands when he said it. My mouth dropped open and I looked away. Again with this. 
                          
"I never had feelings for him -"
                          
"You're lying." he interrupted. 
                          
"I don't have any feelings for him Hudson!" I shouted grabbing his hands, making him look at me. 
                          
"Anyone who just witnessed that fight would agree with me Emmeline." he said looking away. I let go of his hands and grabbed his face and turned it to look at me. 
                          
"Look at me." I said as his eyes found mine. "He's hit me, pointed a gun at me, stolen my car, put a bag over my head, threatened me and kicked me out onto the street. How could anyone love someone who does that?"
                          
"I don't know." He shook his head out of my grasp, then getting off the bed. "Look Emmy, you know the feelings I have for you. You know how much you mean to me. But you and Joe -"
                          
"I don't care about Joe! I don't care about anyone else! I just care about you. I want to be good enough for you." I yelled, my voice giving out. I begged myself not to cry. 
                          
"Emmeline; you've never not been good enough for me. I - I just want you to be happy. Happy with what you decide; whether it be me or him." he stood by the door. 
                          
"Why?" I whimpered. 
                          
"Because I care about your feelings more than mine." He smiled slightly; in a painful way. I dropped my head. What have I ever done to deserve him? When I looked back up I saw he was gone.