Chapter 32

                                    

                                          
Waking up drenched in sweat, you sat up groaning in pain. Based on the hazy blue hue outside, the sun was an hour away from rising. Trying to control your shakes and ignore the excruciating bodily pains, you attmeped to get off the bed, but instantly collapsed.
"Shit." You cussed, mustering the will to stand back up with the help of the edge of the bed for support.
Wobbling out of the room, you leaned against the walls as you walked, knowing you can't support yourself up. Reaching the kitchen sink, you shakily took a glass and filled it with water and brought it to your lips - spilling all over in the process. Only managing to quinch a little bit of your thirst with the icy water, you quickly placed the glass back into the basin before your hands grew too weak and too shaky to hold it - not wanting to make much noise incase it would alert Hisoka.
Giving into your urges, you started rummaging through all the cupboards in hopes to find some sort of pill to help take the edge. Being only greeted with empty cupboards, you cussed out aloud before dropping down on your knees, gripping onto the bottom cupboard handles, you started to cry in frustration, anger and pain.
"Fuck.. Fuck.. Fuck.." You uncomfortably cussed and moved around, tightening your grip on the handle.
With growing withdrawal symptoms, and a heightened need to satisfy your craving, you pulled yourself up and weakly walked to where Hisoka was last seated, seeing his carkeys on the coffee table. By impulse you immediately took it, but the second you felt it in your hands, doubts started to run through your mind. You were too engrossed with yourself you were oblivious to Hisoka standing in the passage, watching your actions from the shadows. 
"No.. No.." You confusingly fought, throwing his keys back down on the table, but touched it again - evident that you were struggling between your morals and drug cravings. 
"I-I can't take his car without permission.." 
"But it's not liking I'm stealing it, I just need to borrow it.." Your devil side fought back. 
"He'll be really mad if someone drove his car though.. And I can't just leave him here.." Your good side rationalized. 
"But he left you y/n remember?" 
Holding your ears to drown out those devil whispers that came from all over the room, meanwhile it was just you talking. 
"Shut up.." You replied hoarsely, however those 'voices' kept talking none stop. 
"He didn't give zero fucks about you, forgot your existence so quickly, so why should you care?" 
"I said shut up! I don't care about what happened on Friday." You counterattacked. 
"You say you don't care, yet you the one that just said he doesn't care about you. " 
Looking into nothingness, the voice disappeared because you finally realized no one else was in the room. Just you, you talking to yourself in split personalities. 
Shaking your head several times, you backed away from Hisoka's keys before you gave into temptation of taking his car just to get those pills and get high. 
"Shit.. I'm losing my mind." You murmured before standing up, clutching your head pacing up and down. 
'Is that how you truly felt? Or is it just the withdrawal state talking y/n? ' Hisoka internally asked you, being weirdly affected upon hearing that. 
'I don't care about you or your existence?' He now questioned himself, trying to figure out if he truly didn't or did. His mind wondered to taking you here, wanting to help you get through this withdrawl, not wanting you to OD - was that caring?