Love Letters

                                    

                                          
"I can't believe you're being so stubborn!"
                          
"I'm not being stubborn, Draco!" you responded. "Why would you talk to Pansy when you know she has a crush on you? It's like you're trying to make me mad!"
                          
"Pansy is just a friend, (Y/N), you know I would never do anything with her!"
	"I don't know that!" You weren't usually one to yell, but you desperately wanted Draco to understand how upset this made you. He narrowed his eyes.
                          
"You don't trust me?" Tension hung in the air as you searched the floor, not wanting to answer his question. 
                          
"No," you finally replied, your voice quieter this time. You still refused to meet his eyes. You felt yourself shut down, as you usually did when you two argued. It was sort of a fight-or-flight response. Your anger faded and you became numb. "I guess we shouldn't be together, then."
                          
Before he could respond, you calmly walked out of the common room to your dorm. All of the emotions came flooding back as you realized what you'd just done, and cried on your bed until it was dark outside. You wiped your eyes, deciding to go get some of the things you'd left in Draco's dormitory. It was dinnertime so you knew he wouldn't be there. 
                          
You walked into his empty room and sighed. It smelled like him. You felt the tears coming again, but you were sick of crying so you held them back. You gathered your things. A few scrunchies, one of your sweaters, and a notebook you'd given him to copy some homework... You opened a couple drawers, not intending to snoop, just making sure you'd gotten everything. 
                          
When you opened the top drawer on his nightstand, it was completely filled with papers and books... You were about to close it when you saw an unsealed envelope with your name on it. You glanced at the door. He'd be back soon...
                          
Against your better judgement, you sat on his bed and read the contents of the envelope. You realized they'd been written weeks before, when you had gone home for Christmas break and Draco decided to stay at Hogwarts. 
                          


                          
December 24th,
                          
	(Y/N),
                          
	It's been 24 hours since you left, and it's weird being here without you. Almost feels empty. You're the only thing I can think about. I just want to hear your voice. I've nearly written to you multiple times, but I don't want to spoil your holiday. I just want you to have a good time with your family. I'm going to have to distract myself. 
                          
	I've decided to sit and write to you, hoping maybe it would feel like I was talking to you. It sort of does. I can imagine you smiling at this idea, maybe shaking your head as if to say I'm being silly. You do that sometimes, did you know? I like that expression on you. You're the only person who wears it in a way that doesn't come across like you think I'm completely hopeless. You smile at my faults, accept that they exist, and continue to love me anyway.
                          
	Last night, I couldn't sleep. The only thing that calmed me down was thinking of when I fall asleep next to you. Listening to your breaths as they come and go, something quiet and close, keeping me from feeling so alone. 
                          
	This letter has gotten foolish, and you know how I detest looking like a fool. But I still do. For you.
                          
	-Draco
                          


                          
December 25th, 
                          
(Y/N), 
                          
When I woke up, I vowed that I would focus on homework today and try not to miss you so much. I got through breakfast and most of an assignment before thoughts of you consumed me.
                          
You know, I haven't told you this and I ought to have, but you've gotten so much stronger since I met you. I'm not arrogant enough to believe that has anything to do with me, but I think this experience has changed you. I know it's changed me. I should have told you that. I can't wait for you to come back so I can.
                          
Merry Christmas, (Y/N).
                          
-Draco
                          


                          
December 29th,
                          
(Y/N),
                          
I've been working really hard these last few days. You'll be so proud. Every once in a while, though, I'll be doing something, and I'll just remember some small thing about you and start missing you all over again. I miss the little things you do, like when you sing the muggle songs that get stuck in your head, or when you dance around the corridors, not caring what anyone else thinks. I miss when you laugh and it sounds like little bells... I always loved hearing you laugh. I even miss the way your shampoo smells.
                          
I've been thinking about our first kiss. Did I ever tell you how I felt that night? Never have I come across anything so painfully beautiful as that kiss. I wish it was something I could catch with a net or place in a book. I wish it was something I could save and share with the world so I could tell the universe: this is what it's like; this is how it feels when you fall.
                          
You are never getting these letters. It's too humiliating.  
                          
-Draco.
                          


                          
January 1st:
                          
(Y/N),
                          
All this time away from you has made me realize one simple thing.
	I am in love with you. 
                          
Of course, I knew this before, but being away from you made me realize how true and deep this love is. I've held back so much from you out of fear. I'm afraid that if I show you everything... all the worst parts of me, it will overwhelm you, and you'll run away. I'm afraid that I will make a mistake, something so huge that you will retreat into that silent world of yours and leave me alone. No scolding from a tutor, no beating from my parents, no isolation in my youth has ever hurt me so much as you seperating yourself from me. 
                          
You sniffled, realizing that was exactly what you had done. You felt your heart shatter all over again. 
                          
I would never celebrate separation from you, but the sadness you've left in your absence, and the emptiness I've felt since you left has pushed me to think about all of this. I'm not sure how long it would have taken for me to figure this out if I hadn't had to start trying to imagine a life without you. I know now, with absolute certainty, that is not a life I want. 
                          
I want you. I need you.
                          
You are sunshine and happiness and laughter... You are not the world, but you are everything that makes the world good. Without you, my life would still exist, but that's all it would manage to do. 
                          
I love you, (Y/N). 
                          
Yours forever,
                          
Draco. 
                          


                          
"(Y/N)?" You jumped at the sound of a voice. You'd been so engrossed in the letters that you hadn't realized someone was coming. You also hadn't realized you'd begun crying somewhere around the middle. 
                          
"Draco!" You cried, jumping up and running to him. You hugged him, and once he got over the initial shock of seeing you, he hugged you back. "I'm sorry."
                          
"I'm sorry, too."
                          
"I read your letters," you told him. His eyebrows knitted together in confusion, but when he looked over at the pile of papers on his bed, he understood what you meant. 
                          
"I meant to burn those before you got back," he blushed. You kissed his nose.
	"They were beautiful." 
                          


                          
A/N: I borrowed some of the love letters from Kiera Cass's The One. I just thought it was really cute, and the way it was written sounded like something Draco would say. I changed it a little, but if some of the phrasing sounds familiar, that's why.