𝐁𝐮𝐳𝐳 𝐁𝐮𝐳𝐳

                                    

                                          
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𝐈𝐯𝐲 𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐨𝐭𝐭 𝐗 𝐀𝐭𝐥𝐚𝐬 𝐋𝐚𝐧𝐠
                          
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Atlas.






                          
It's another day to add to my complete misery. School would usually be a favorite of mine but there's the usual patronizing peers that breathe down my neck all times of the day. No---not all times, there's fifth period where everyone has lunch but I have time to myself. There's this empty classroom on the top floor of the school where I'd go to engulf myself in my passion, art.
                          
Art is my only escape, it's where I literally draw versions of myself where I take on something new everyday. I escape to new realities where I'm not this shell of someone. It's so many factors as to why I am the way I am.
                          
I have a speech disorder that ties in with my social anxiety so that's great. Stuttering which is pretty common I guess, and I experience three type of disruptions depending on the situation.
                          
 I usually have blocks where I can just stop in the middle of a sentence trying to say something but I just can't. I try to explain things and the vowels don't come out how they're supposed to so it sounds like I'm choked up or crying. I found it tends to happen when I have a lot of attention on me or when stress hits me. The prolongations are more constant----I draw out a lot of words because of attention or frustration. And then the ones I get made of for, repetition. I do it when I'm excited or nervous. The nervous part being my everyday life.
                          
Dysarthia is something I've had since before I could remember. Basically damage to the brain caused muscle weakness in my throat so I can't really branch out my voice to speak extremely loud or yell. When I speak, it's generally normal to soft and I can speak really quickly. Anymore complications and I'm sure I would've dropped dead by now.
                          
And then we have the big banger which makes my life so much worse. ADHD which causes the most unfortunate events of embarrassment to happen in school. Everyday I walk down the hallway and there's someone who imitates my fidgeting. I move my hands and legs a lot since getting up and walking around isn't permitted around the school of course. In class, you'll see me bouncing my leg and flicking my hand back and forth with my pencil. It's annoying and I hate it. And then I'm called the freak for talking to myself when I really can't control it. I talk to myself because I have no one else to speak with so what more can I do? And it just spurs on without me really noticing. 
                          
I could be mapping out my answers and the logic towards it to myself and I'm painted as the weird kid with a tic who's probably talking to demons. They all think I'm crazy even though my disorders have been mentioned countless times.
                          
And today is one of those days where these assholes come up to me at my locker mimicking me.
                          
"Y-You g-going t-to t-the f-football game tonight A-Atlas?", one of the boys spoke into my ear as I flinched away at the close proximity.
                          
"Naaahh, he caaaan't. His mommy and daddy might want him home by a certain time," another guy pretended to wipe a tear off his eye and then outta nowhere banged on the locker making me jump. They howled louder at that as I lifted my head to look at the tallest one.
                          
"Please...s-stop." I didn't want to add on as they would find more things to make fun of. He put a hand up to his ear as he leaned in closer.
                          
"I ain't hear that Atlas, gon have to speak up for me. Y'all head out and I'll catch up later---gonna stay here and have a little talk with him." I shook my head stuttering out a bunch of nothingness as he tugged me along the hallway with him. I just walked because he was tugging on my arm pretty bad so getting out was pointless.
                          
"If you weren't such a defect I woulda definitely hollered at you, you fine as fuck. Too bad you act like this. Anyway, I need you to do something for me little mama."
                          
"I'm a boy....not a girl," I mumbled out as he pulled me around a corner leaning me against a wall.
                          
"You are what I say you are so shut up! I need you to do this project we have for class and pull up to this little...meeting I'm having with the boys after school. Ion want you riding with me but if you need money to catch the bus or something then I can give you that." He cornered me in as I tapped my hand against my thigh. Why is this happening now?
                          
"I.....I have to----no. I have to....do something," I answered back as he grabbed my fidgeting hand. And immediately after the left hand followed suit, continuing the previous actions of my right.
                          
"Stop fucking moving like that! I ain't tryna see you squirm like that just yet," he snickered as I hoped for the bell to come. He was too close, his body was too close to mind and it just didn't feel safe----I felt suffocated. I want to leave now, he won't let me go but I want to leave now.
                          
"Taren, p-please g-get off please. I'll do it just p-please", I nodded frantically as I whispered over and over that I'd do it wanting him to get it. Can't he see I'm willing, why won't he move?
                          
"Ayo, back the fuck up off the boy!", Taren was abruptly pushed away from me as I stared wide eyed at him on the floor. I tapped my foot on the ground hoping he won't take anything out on me. This guy was a little more built then Taren so I can say I was even more scared.
                          
He came up to me as I tried to blend with the walls. He was close like the other guy and I can't handle that.
                          
"You're good. I ain't tryna mess with you like him, I'm just seeing if you're fine. My name Ivy---you Atlas right?"
                          
I nodded shooting out a hand with my eyes towards the ground. I didn't mean to but it was one of my tics. He shook it nonetheless as my eyes shot up to our locked hands. He put something in my hand which I noticed was a tissue. I looked up confused, my eyes bouncing back and forth between the material and him.
                          
"I don't think you noticed but you have tears running all down your face. You need help cleaning them off or would like me to back off? Taren is gone now so it's just me and you...don't feel embarrassed." He smiled gently lifting my hand up so the tissue touched upon my face. 
                          
He dabbed it a few times before I took over with a nod of my head. I wiped them all away and then looked back at him as he stood there just examining me. I couldn't help but think he was judging me. How couldn't he? I'm a punk with freak disorders that repel people. He's probably thinking how I'm this poor little creature with issues, most likely crazy.
                          
"Want me to walk you to class or the office, Atlas?" He smiled again reaching for my hand as I held it to my chest.
                          
I wanted to say something but didn't. Or rather I knew what I wanted to say but my stupid disorder keeps pushing in so my mouth is not opening. I just walked off before I could look like a fool once more. He's probably cursing at my back for being so rude.
                          
However one thought muddled my mind. Why would he stop for me and no one else has? And why am I possibly finding attraction in him?
                          
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