ch 11 : sunshine

                                    

                                          
DRACO'S POV
                          
I left Y/N in the astronomy tower, desperately wanting to go back and hold her again, but I knew that it was best to not keep Snape waiting. I had already requested that we meet later than he wanted so that I could study with her. I had been meeting with her everyday now, although she certainly studied more than I did. 
                          
She was distracting, just by being herself. She was beautiful, but she never tried to flaunt that.
                          
She was like sunshine in the middle of winter. My life had started to feel like one long, bitter cold winter, but she was the sun finally breaking through, and I couldn't get enough. 
                          
Her smile lit up every room she walked into since she started here, and I had never let that slip my notice. Everyone nearby would smile upon hearing her joyous laughter. I even saw Snape fight a smile once when she couldn't stop giggling at a joke a Slytherin made last year. Others always seemed to liven up just by her entering the room. 
                          
I had been envious of that growing up, envious of the way people adored her and envious of those around her that she adored. As a result, I made that terrible and untrue nickname, the girl who hid. I couldn't stand to see her so happy when all I felt was despair, so I tried to take her joy away from her by trying to hurt her. Over the years, my insults, threats, and harm brought to her and her friends never seemed to dampen her smile. I could probably count on one hand how many days she hadn't been grinning when I saw her, and one of them had been when I taunted her for not having a father. 
                          
I don't know what came over me since I knew that I was accomplishing my goal of crushing her spirit, which had been my goal for three years now. Seeing the pain flash in her eyes with my comment and how deflated she was at dinner made me feel guilty and shameful though. How could I hurt a girl who cared for others so deeply and still treated me like a human being when my own father had stopped doing that years ago? 
                          
I knew I had to make it up to her. I sent her that apology note, but it didn't seem to be enough to lift her spirits at dinner. I had to do something more meaningful. It was all I could think about that night as I got her favorite muggle candy for her. It wasn't hard to figure out. I just got the only muggle candy I had ever seen her eat. She always seemed so happy when her friends would give it to her, so I hoped that meant it was her favorite. 
                          
When she offered me her forgiveness afterwards, I had forgotten how to breathe. I didn't deserve her forgiveness, but hearing those gentle words directed towards me for the first time felt like a warm blanket being draped over me. 
                          
I had always been cold, so her warmth was something that I began to crave constantly. 
                          
I knew I shouldn't, but I kept asking her to meet. I just wanted to be near her because when I was with her, I felt warm for the first time in my life. 
                          
Kissing her today was probably a mistake, but I felt like I was losing control of myself. She was intoxicating, and I couldn't believe she had chosen me. She had so many other boys in her life who clearly fawned over her, and she had chosen me.
                          
I knew I didn't deserve her, and I knew Harry was right in warning her away from me, but I'm selfish. I loved being adored by her. Feeling like she cared for me and understood me was nothing I had ever experienced before, and I was scared of losing that. I was a monster, despite how much as she believed otherwise, and I knew that she would run away from me eventually too. I wanted to give her the love she deserved, but I just wasn't sure if I was capable of that. 
                          
I decided then that I wouldn't try to dampen her sunshine anymore. She was a light I wanted to bask in as long as she'd let me. I felt determined to care for her beautiful heart that radiated sunshine everywhere she sent.