⁴⁶august

                                    

                                          
clementine
                          
This is perfect. I feel swallowed by such homely warmth, the walls and red brick of the aged fireplace striking something familiar in me. It reminds me of my home in Paris. We had a fireplace a little bigger than this in the living room.
                          
LA's a lot warmer than I expected, the city emanates such a lively presence ever since I got down the plane.
                          
Meeting Jacob, I was quite surprised. He stood no taller than me with his stout physique and tanned skin. He was quite enthusiastic about my arrival, reading me through the contract as we rode up the lift and got to the apartment.
                          
The apartment, situated on the fourth floor, doesn't offer much of a balcony view besides the next building's balcony and laundry. But the apartment already feels like home, like it's where I can imagine my life taking place for the next few months or years. I can imagine myself curling up in a cardigan and sitting in an armchair, or cooking up a storm in the kitchen and inviting Luke and the boys over for some dinner.
                          
After sitting down with Jacob and signing the contract, he left me to myself to familiarise more with the apartment.
                          
Now that I'm looking around, I can imagine a small couch by the wall, a shelf of my art supplies and paintings right beside, and maybe buying an antique lamp in a thrift store - it thrills me how much freedom I feel now that I have my own apartment.
                          
Though, I know that it might seem a little lonely for me, living alone for the first time in my twenty-two years of living, I know I can manage it.
                          
Granted, it'll be hard moving across the country only to reside alone in a flat that I didn't see would come into my life just a few months before now, but so much has changed from August, and the months slipped by like leaves in the wind, dancing away, and before you know it, you start to question if they were even there.
                          
Time is strange and calculated, schemes and veneers always hidden in the depths of its sleeves; it's there looming over your shoulder, being the most prevalent thing in your life, yet in the next second, when you're face to face with someone who makes the rest of the world seem insignificant, it can shrink away to the tiniest particle, and suddenly it doesn't seem as powerful.
                          
However planned it can seem, it can always feel so fluid and out of touch, like you could alter it however way you want, whether it's to your liking or not, and it's all this that confuses me.
                          
It's time that changes people, places, and the leaves in trees; personalities, concepts, and the way you see things, and it's the most confusing thing one could try and understand.
                          
Only a few months ago was I avoiding Aiden and feeling so much guilt for carrying a burden onto Mara, but now, I'm moving away, Aiden's apologised, and Luke's here. What happened?
                          
That damn project did.
                          
It happened; it fell upon me like a heavy domino and down came everything else with it - landing me here, in LA, in my new flat, and now realising that I can't plan my future so far ahead. Because I thought I'd spend Christmas with Mara, talking to my family through a screen, and hoping with all my heart that Aiden wouldn't show up at my front door with no sign of sobriety in him nor respect.
                          
But now, it feels as though daylight has come and has made everything a little clearer than before. Now, I have some chance of seeing my family after so long, and I won't have to bear my longing for them through my phone.
                          
I lean on the wall by the balcony and slide down to the floor, letting the afternoon sunlight drench the walls golden and warm my skin. I miss this all, being at peace with myself and the world around me, knowing that, for the time being, all is good.
                          
I draw my legs towards my chest and wrap my arms around them, closing my eyes and feeling the wind drift in through the apartment, the cars beeping from a distance creating a horrible ambience that clashed with the pop music playing from the other building.
                          
I might have to close the balcony doors often when I live here...
                          
My phone rings abruptly, cutting my reverie clear as I draw my attention to Luke's contact name flashing on the forefront of my screen.
                          
This brings a smile to my face, and I pick my phone up and click on answer, bringing the speaker close to my ear. "Hey, Lu," I greet, my voice mellow as I lean my head back and close my eyes, letting his voice distract me from the silence outside.
                          
There's a bit of a chatter from his end before I hear a door close, immediately muffling them.
                          
"Hey, Clem!" Luke's out-of-breath voice meets my ears and I'm nothing but pleased at the sound of him. "We just got off stage and I wanted to know how your flight went, are you at the apartment already?"
                          
I hear someone else enter the room before shouting that Luke is sweaty. Michael, by the sounds of it.
                          
I chuckle, nodding as Luke tells Michael to piss off. "Yeah, actually. I've been here. The flight was okay, crying baby two seats behind me, though," I scoff. "But I think I've fallen in love with the apartment, Lu," I say in a dreamy voice. "I want to move in already,"
                          
Luke laughs. "Well, what else do you need to get done before you can move in?"
                          
I sigh, opening my eyes and staring up at the sun-shaded ceiling. "Um... down payment... fees... need to get the keys..." I shrug. "Quite a few things, actually,"
                          
"Hey, you can get through this," He says in a calming tone, restoring the relief back into me as he continues. "Before you know it, you'll be settled and taking naps with Darth in your new bedroom,"
                          
I grin at the image he's painted, looking forward to the lazy days where I'd just be sleeping with Darth by my side. "Sounds divine," I hum. "But more good news, though," I add, shaking my leg up and down as the thought becomes more and more prevalent. "I think I might be able to fly home for Christmas,"
                          
╳╳╳
                          
just a short, peaceful chapter
because clem deserves it.
lotta stuff is coming, so this
is yalls breather.
                          
ily, stay safe