|Chapter 12|Lost|

                                    

                                          
Unedited
                          
Sams P.O.V
                          
It's been a month, it's now June 23, 2020.  I haven't left the house since that day.  I barely talk to Emma, I know I should find a job and help her with rent.  I just can't make myself.
                          
Something about her getting mad at me in a way that separated us forever, hurt.  I've been through I lot but this was a different pain.  One that wouldn't and couldn't go away easily.
                          
Over the last month my arms and legs have gained more marks.  I stopped eating again and every time I try I just want to through up.  
                          
I think I am finally slipping.  Soon I'll be nothing more than a body of a broken person.  My brain, my feelings, my will to live is gone.
                          
I jump at the sound of a nock.
                          
"Sam, I think we should talk"  Emma said quietly.  She didn't look upset, a look of worry was on her face. I nod and get out of bed.  We make our way to the living room and I find myself covering my eyes from the amount of light. We sit in silence, awkward silence.
                          
"Sam it hurts" Emma says quietly.  "I know you haven't been eating and... I've seen your arms"  she continues, caution in her voice.
                          
I let out a shaky breath and I clasp my hands together.  I know a day would come when she would want to know.  She deserves to know, I have wanted to tell her basically since we met her.
                          
"You deserve to know the truth.  You should be aloud to understand  the situation." I said causing her to look up at me.  I lay back against the chair and look out the window.  I have never told anyone what he did, nobody.
                          
"My mom died on Christmas 10 years ago.  I know I was old enough to remember her but the only thing I remember is her death."  I start feeling a lump grow.  I look over at Emma and she sits waiting for me to continue.  She had a concerned but also patient look.
                          
"My dad started drinking and it got to the point, he was almost never sober.  Adventually..."  I stop, feeling tears run down my face.  I let out a small sob unable to control it.
                          
"A-adventually"  I try again.  I berry my face in my hands.  I hate thinking about him.  I hate remembering the pain.  I hate him.  Emma comes closer to me but I sit up.  
                          
"I'm fine" I muttered pulling my legs up. "Adventually he started to hit me.  I got very good at hiding it from others"  I said lowly.  I sit trying to regain some composure.
                          
"After about two years I started to.... starve myself thinking maybe he would see it and appreciate it.  After that came the cutting.  I got pleasure from it."  the more I said the more numb I became.  Suddenly I didn't feel anything at all.
                          
"It stayed that way till three months ago when I first applied for a job.  Taylor"  Pain came back as her name left my mouth.  I froze my body tensing.
                          
"You don't have to talk about her"  Emma said knowing it was still fresh.  I shake my head wiping my face. "No I'm ok"  I say trying to stay strong.
                          
"Taylor took me out for dinner as an apology for the way she acted and the same night...."  I spaced out remember what happened the feeling.  My hand slowly traveled to my thigh where the scar from it was.  I stared out the window and my head started to buzz.
                          
"Sam? Are you ok?"  She asked concerned touching me.  I jerk away and look at her seeing Emma.  Its Emma, its not him, its just Emma.  She looked shocked and I calm down a little. "Sorry" I mumble.
                          
"Its ok you've said a lot you don't have to say anymore."  She said leaning back.  We sat ins silence again. "Sam, you know starving yourself isn't good, right?"  Emma asked carefully. I nod not feeling like talking anymore.
                          
"I want to help you get better.  I know that you are a wonderful person.  What your dad did was shit but you're still amazing.  I want to help you but you must promise you'll stop hurting yourself."  She says looking at me with a stern face.  I am tiered of feeling like shit but cutting is the only way I get relief. 
                          
"Ok"  I agree, "Ok"  she repeated.  She stood up and stretched.  "If I cook something will you eat, even just a little?"  She offered.  Everything in me screamed no but I agreed anyway.
                          
The rest of the afternoon was me trying to eat a scrambled egg without throwing up.  After I was done I felt so nauseous but I managed to keep it down.
                          
Over the next week I finally built up the courage to tell her about... the rape.  She broke into tears and apologized over and over.  I felt a huge weight come off of my chest.  I didn't feel alone anymore.
                          
Its been a week since Emma learned everything and she has been helping me eat everyday.  
                          
We are sitting and watching a movie together.  She got home from work and looked pissed but smiled when she saw me.  I feel like a little puppy waiting for her master to come back.  She makes me feel safe and happy.
                          
My phone started to buzz and I look at the number.  I don't recognize it, it doesn't even have a new york ID.  Normally I ignore those but something in me made me want to pick it up.
                          
I grab my phone and answer it.
                          
"Hello?  Is this Samantha Woods?"  A ladies voice said over the phone.  I looked over at Emma and she was watching the movie.
                          
"Yeah"  I said hesitantly causing Emma to look at me.  She mouthed  'everything good?'  And I nod, not sure.
                          
"My name is Shannon Woods, I'm your father's sister."  She said.  As those words left her mouth I almost dropped the phone.  I didn't know I had an aunt.  Why is she contacting me now?  I couldn't speak and I just stared at Emma paralyzed.