Human (Levi x Reader)

                                    

                                          
You were reclining on the couch in Levi's office, leaning against the plush pillows while you read your book. Your ears perked up at the near-silent sounds of the door opening and closing, vaguely registering that Levi had returned. However, being completely captivated by your book, you didn't look up.

                          
That is, not until you heard his soft footsteps trudge slowly across the room, stopping a few feet from where you sat on the couch. 
                          
You glanced at Levi, and your breath caught. He was standing completely still with his head hanging low, his silky onyx hair falling into his eyes.
                          
Without hesitation, you set your book aside and reached for him. "Come here," you murmured.
                          
Levi stepped forward and took your hand, allowing you to guide him onto the couch so that he was lying on top of you. You placed his head on your chest, right over your heart. He wrapped you in a tight embrace, and you returned it.
                          
"Bad day?" you murmured as you brushed your fingers through his hair.
                          
Levi nodded. 
                          
You sighed softly. You knew the kind of burden Levi carried, and his was heavier than most. He had been fighting titans for years, but the greater struggle was oftentimes off the battlefield, when he had to remember all the friends and comrades he had lost.
                          
Levi was strong, and he had been shouldering that burden on his own for a long time, never allowing the pain to crack his stoic mask. You were glad when he finally started opening up to you – here, behind the locked door of his office where no one else would ever see. Even Humanity's Strongest Soldier couldn't bear everything alone. Nor should he have to.
                          
"Do you want to talk about it?" you asked delicately.
                          
Levi shook his head. Then he snuggled further into your chest, tightening his hold on you.
                          
"Okay," you whispered. 
                          
You kept petting his hair, and a moment later, you started to sing. It was a quiet, gentle lullaby, meant to soothe him. You had done this many times before, comforting him in the only way you could.
                          
You felt his tears drip onto your shirt, but you acted like you didn't notice. You knew he didn't want you to see. Instead, you continued to run your fingers through his hair, your song drowning out his near-silent cries. 
                          
Even now, after so many years, this was the only way he could ever let himself feel in front of you – with his face hidden in your shirt and your voice masking his sounds. He could pretend you didn't see his weakness while still getting the comfort he so desperately needed.
                          
Maybe someday, he wouldn't feel so ashamed of it. Maybe someday, he would realize that you didn't think any less of him, that it was okay to share the burdens that were too heavy for even his shoulders. But until then, you wouldn't pressure him. You knew how hard it was for him to show you this much.
                          
When your song was done, you began another, and another, until Levi's tears no longer trickled onto your shirt. Even then, you kept holding him, kept stroking his hair. He would let go when he was ready.
                          
"I've got you," you murmured. It was all you could say, because any promises would be lies. You couldn't guarantee that his friends would survive. You couldn't guarantee that you would always be alive to hold him. But you could give him this much, right here, right now. "I've got you."
                          
A little while later, you felt him shift slightly. "I had to talk to their families today," he muttered quietly. 
                          
You paused for the briefest second, not used to Levi explaining himself to you. However, you tried not to make a big deal out of it. You sighed, both in acknowledgement and in empathy, before hugging him a little closer. Your fingertips resumed brushing his undercut, drifting down to rub the fuzzy part near his neck.
                          
You didn't say anything, leaving it open for Levi to talk if he wanted, and not pressuring him if he didn't. After several minutes of silence, you concluded that his short explanation was all you would get. It wasn't much, but it was a start. You were grateful.
                          
When you were still a cadet, as part of your training, you had once gone with Levi when he visited the families of fallen soldiers. He was kind, but unemotional, staying strong for the soldiers' loved ones as they fell apart in front of him. Afterwards, he just walked off, leaving you alone in the middle of town. You didn't try to follow him, though. Even then, years before he ever let you see behind his stoic mask, you could tell how terribly his grim task affected him. You could tell how much he cared. 
                          
A handful of times, you yourself had been burdened with delivering the news that no one wants to hear. You always felt terrible afterwards. Somehow, seeing the grieving families that your comrades left behind was worse than actually watching them die. So you had a good idea of how Levi was feeling right now.
                          
In the atmosphere you both had created, words somehow seemed foreign. So instead, you leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to his head, hoping that he understood what you were trying to convey.
                          
I'm here.
                          
I care about your pain.
                          
I love you.
                          
It was then that Levi finally let himself look up at you. His tired eyes were still red-rimmed from crying, but you pretended not to notice. You gazed into those beautiful pools of grey-blue, which told you everything Levi couldn't say.
                          
Thank you.
                          
I love you.
                          
Don't ever leave me. 
                          
Don't die.
                          
You answered him with your tender gaze. 
                          
The two of you stayed that way, soft eyes locked in a silent expression of comfort and unity. After a long moment, Levi blinked slowly, then went back to his original position. He nestled into your shirt, into the tear stains he had left there, before becoming still once more. 
                          
And so, you continued to hold him. Your touches continued to soothe him. Your heartbeat continued to steady him. And you wished, not for the first time, that the two of you could simply forget everything else and stay this way forever.
                          
Eventually, Levi got up, as he always did. You watched as he once again donned the mask of Humanity's Strongest Soldier. Cold. Unwavering. Invulnerable. Without a word, without so much as a glance in your direction, he went to his desk and began working on the mound of paperwork that was waiting for him. 
                          
You sighed inwardly. As much as you hated it, this was what the world needed him to be. To protect humans, the man you loved had to abandon his humanity. And it had to be him, because no one else was capable of doing it. No one else was strong enough.
                          
You went to the kitchen and came back with a hot cup of tea, carefully brewed just the way Levi liked it. You delicately placed it on his desk before resuming your seat on the couch. 
                          
Even though you were still worried about Levi, you tried to concentrate on your book. After all, there was nothing more you could do for him now. You could only wait until he needed to be human again, just for a little while. And when that time came, whether it was in a day or a week or a month, you would welcome him with open arms.
                          
So you sat there, reading, and hoping. Hoping that one day, when all of this was over, Levi would be able to experience not just the sadness that came with being human, but the joy as well.