he had to remember atsumu had already left walking out the door. as sakusa pushed past the same door a part of his heart yearned to search for the setter, to take a left instead of a right. he was sure the setter would be there, but he instead fought the will and pushed past taking a right to make his way to get ready for his game.
little did he know atsumu wished just as much that sakusa went looking for him too.
─── ∙ ~εïз~ ∙ ───
how long has it been? atsumu stayed staring at the ceiling which stared back at him blankly. he had been alone in his room since they arrived home hours ago. a random show was on in the background but was muted to not disturb his thoughts. the tears had dried on his face leaving a salty feeling as they rested on his lips. he sniffled quietly as he sat up. his head was pounding as he reached for his glass of water, his chest trying desperately to go back to its regular breathing patterns. a quiet knock sounded from his door.
"atsumu? i'm coming in," osamu quietly spoke. their walls were not the thinnest. the past few minutes osamu had just been listening to his brother cry.
atsumu wiped his eyes trying to hide any evidence of his sadness. "come in," he spoke his voice rough and raspy.
osamu pushed the door open walking in to see atsumu sitting on the edge of his bed. his hair was disheveled, tears brimming his eyes, and face red.
"it wasn't your fault you know that," osamu whispered, being sincere for once. he understood just how much this was eating up his brother.
this did not help one bit as atsumu started sobbing harder, stuffing his face in his pillow to muffle the noise. osamu walked over to sit next to him lightly patting him on the back. atsumu sat up tears still rolling down his face.
"it's my fault though."
osamu went to protest but atsumu cut him off.
"if i had practiced harder we could have won and still been playing. it's all my fault i didn't react fast enough. i should have tried harder. i'm never going to be good enough. it's all my fault that omi is g-gone," atsumu stammered his voice cracking at the mention of sakusa.
"i will never understand that relationship you guys had but it isn't your fault. you guys already said you weren't going to date in highschool anyways," osamu calmly spoke.
"but i wanted more time with him," atsumu choked out.
"time doesn't stop for anyone, it passes, all of us just remember that," osamu made eye contact with his heartbroken brother, the TV shining on his face so he could see the obvious tear tracks. "now go to bed suna and i will take you out for ice cream tomorrow ok?"
atsumu only nodded laying back down. "you sound like an old man speaking all wise like that," atsumu tried to laugh. his eyelashes left heavy as he closed his eyes. the last thing he remembered was the sound of osamu shutting his door. as more tears ran down his face he let himself find peace in his sleep.
─── ∙ ~εïз~ ∙ ───
that winter had been the last winter together for the pair. as osamu has said, time didn't wait for them. as the days and week passed the pain began to reside within them. seasons passed the boys as their final year set it, both working extra hard. to say the other did not cross their minds from time to time would be a lie. for sakusa especially, it was hard to let go of the only person he let in. in result, he got colder, pushing more people away than ever. atsumu's normal cheerness dialed down bringing down everybody's mood around him. he grew rather fond of laying under the stars at night and just thinking. the silence felt nice. despite this, when he went to school he put back on his mask of the overly loud, straight forward twin. sakusa had changed him and it wasn't something he hated. maybe it was the boys forgiving the other or the small hope that things could end up well that kept them motivated but none the less it worked.
