Tu danses sur cette scène

                                    

                                          
I'm not denying that you make me feel nice because you make me feel worse by the end of the day
                          
I wish I had my earphones right now. They just can't shut up, they're too loud, too annoying, pathetic as they shout to get attention, people are repulsive. I'm talking about the students in this class.
                          
"Hey hey hey! Kuro how is it with the girl? You didn't talk about her for a while."
                          
"Ah yeah I'm not interested" Kuro answered simply. He was a little tired today and I didn't really mind it, just a little worried. 
                          
"Oh? Then are you never gonna find someone who might become that potential love interest? You always get over so many small crushes Kuro. Do you like someone?" Why is it even important? He said he wanted to focus on his studies why is Bokuto wanting him to like someone? Love isn't what life is about. You see, I plan on living alone with a cat and enjoy the video games with super music. 
                          
"Well I do have someone I love.." Kuro replied making Bokuto and I widen our eyes but for different reasons. 
                          
"Really?! Who is it!?" He instantly asked in excitement. I just sat there in shock, my throat became dry. Why didn't he tell me about them? He did just use the term of 'love' instead of saying 'I like..'. Why am I so annoyed by it? I guess I sure didn't expect that so suddenly. 
                          
"Ah I can't tell you, I gotta see if I have chances to get them to love me back first so y'all don't make fun of me." He muttered, looking at the window at our left. 
                          
"Aw man alright then. Tell me as soon as you can!" I felt my throat go dry, I tried gulping down all of this tenseness but it didn't quite work. Damn Bokuto why do you have to ask about his love life now? 
I just remembered yesterday and now my hatred for the guy beside me came back. Why did he have to barge in like that? 
                          
"What about you?" He asked back with that calm tone of his. There's something wrong I can't put my finger on it. 
                          
"Oh-uh well..I didn't expect you to return the question" he started blushing as he scratched the back of his head. Wow he seriously didn't expect that? 
"So it's this Uh- you-you don't know them.."
                          
"Hmm sure about that?" Kuro teased him a little. 
                          
"It's Akaas-"
                          
"Hey Bokuto-San I've been calling you, you're supposed to come" Akaashi appeared from behind him, putting his hand on the other's shoulder making him blush madly with wide eyes.
                          
So they're BOTH ...in a romantic way. 
I guess I don't mind it. Don't get me wrong though, I already knew that Akaashi likes Bokuto in a romantic way that's why I'm saying that in surprise. It seems I didn't realize the spiked haired one did too. 

                          
Wanna know something? I think best friends loving each other is sometimes cute but when it comes to me, it's completely disgusting. 
If I see you as a best friend or a friend, it means what it means. I won't care about your feelings if I ever think you're disgusting. Which means f r i e n d s.Yeah I know the way my mind is set is particular and quite repulsive. That might be why I don't want people finding out that part of me. I'm not letting Kuro any closer because it might be dangerous for both of us. I'll hurt him if he does and I'll regret it, I know that. I'll act mindlessly pushed in a rush by impulse. 
                          
It's automatic now. I've had some close friends who I think you may call them best friends from the past too.
The first one was when I was around four, he jerked me off and we did dirty things together. So that meant I started playing with myself without even knowing it when I was totally innocent. He left and I didn't forget about him. Yea.
                          
Another one was in middle school, we had a weird thing called ye-nose. He thought my nose looked cute so he wanted our noses to touch. I don't even know how I let him so close to my face back then. I was around seven years old and a girl from our class said something like: 'oh what-are they gay?'. I obviously didn't like it because of the unwanted attention I got and before that,I didn't see it that way, it didn't seem weird to me. So after that, I told him to stop doing that thing because it embarrassed me. 
                          
Another one is a guy who was new to the school so my friend and I went to talk to him. I regretted it in the future because we had physically become closer without me suspecting anything. Then, in class he wouldn't stop glaring at me, even if I was behind him. It was hella creepy and I told my parents about how I didn't like it. They shook it off saying he was a strange kid who probably has problems making friends because of that and pitied him. I was around eleven years old back then, my relationship with my parents wasn't that good but I had to tell someone about that since it really troubled me.
                          
Then there's this other kid who was a cry baby and who was certainly good at manipulating others. I didn't want to be his friend but he threatened me and forced me to tell him my secrets and stuff. He was obsessed. He was toxic. He drove me crazy and I had enough of his crap so when he told me he loved me I blocked him on everything without giving him a reason. I'm a real sweetheart. That was when I was thirteen years old.
                          
Now, Kuro is my closest friend and he knows my stories with my past relationships. I hope he figured some things out.
I hope he won't do the same mistake they made. 
I know it's my fault for being like that and it's not really their fault but since I'm an asshole I decided to blame it on them because I did nothing wrong. 
                          
Now here are my true colors. 
                          
I love myself. 
                          
10:30