How Can I Say?

                                    

                                          
Jihyo POV

                          
We've known each other since middle school. We're inseparable since then. He is my boy best friend and later became my first love. To me, he is everything. There is no good memory of mine without him. All the days I spent happily, he was always part of it. I genuinely like him and he is to me too. We are very happy to be together like all the days can never be enough. We miss each other when we're apart and still miss each other when we're already together. Every random thing reminds us of each other and it's funny how the world can be all about us.
                          


                          
It's been a decade since the day we first met and half of it was spent being in love. It is an almost-perfect relationship and I was happy.
                          


                          
was...
                          


                          
I know you read it right. To briefly describe him, he is a guy that any girl will be pleased to meet. He is a man with a big heart, he is considerate and patient beyond my imagination, he is understanding and he's thoughtful. Am I not lucky? Everyone says so and I thought so too but every time someone mentioned how lucky I am to have him he will argue that it's him who is luckier. He treasures me so much I cannot be any happier. 
                          


                          
Then one day I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. When everything seems perfect eventually you will get bored and find yourself looking for another kind of adventure where you can experience anything inconvenient. Those inconveniences will make your life more colorful and fun but with him, everything is easy and comfortable. I thought, maybe I'm on a slump because I'm so used to this kind of living. I tried to sway thoughts in my head while I was with him and yet I kept thinking 'is he not tired of doing the same things again?'  I used to love hanging out with him, doing normal stuff that couples do. I didn't know back then that eventually, I'll get tired of it. 
                          


                          
Lately, I find myself drowsing off in the middle of our conversation. Our walks to the park tire me now even watching our favorite movies already lose its appeal. Some days he'll ask me 'are you tired?' or 'do you not like it anymore? Shall we watch or do something else?' in his considerate tone. When he cooks my favorite dish and I refuse to eat it, he'll pout but won't get mad at me. He will just brush it off by saying 'Maybe I did poorly?' or 'You want to eat out instead?'  Seriously! If it's someone else they will get pissed off but how come he won't?!
                          


                          
I hate myself.
                          


                          
I know I'm changing and at some point, I know he notices it too but he chose to be understanding instead of telling me off. The way he looks at me is still the same and every time we are together, he is still happy. How can he not have a change of heart when I do?! I wish he will get mad at me; but no,  he just won't. I tried to boldly express my discontent but I only ended hating myself more. He's good at finding reasons for my odd actions himself and whenever I see him pulling a smile despite my lack of affection it hurts me so much. 
                          


                          
What am I doing?!

                          


                          
This guy whose feelings never change, how can I tell him that my heart is already changing? Every time I tried to break up, he will suddenly confess his unwavering feelings that always caught me off guard. What should I do? Those words that once flutter my heart became the dagger piercing my heart. If only you know the truth will you still look at me with those expressive eyes?
                          


                          
I wish to love you more and I mean it. However, my heart drifted away on its own without me knowing and when I became aware of it, it already reached a certain distance. I wanted to say sorry but I figured I have no right to do so. I sincerely want to tell him I love you... I still do but I can't find the heart to lie to him. What should I do? I didn't like it either! I loved you and I can't comfort you anymore. Please, let your self hate me, only then I can console my self too.
                          


                          
I can't love you, no more...

                          


                          
How can I say it? The words that will set me free are the same words that will kill him. As much as I wanted to reciprocate your sincere feelings, I'm already over it. For hundreds of times, I kept thinking of how to tell you my feelings but there are just no words that can let you know without inflicting pain so how can say it? I wish he'll get the courage to acknowledge it first that I no longer want to stay so I will need not to say it myself. Selfish, right? I know. 
                          


                          
The memories we've shared are the good times that I will cherish for the rest of my life. Even though I no longer love you and I cannot love you the same way again I wish one day you'll remember me as a good memory. 
                          


                          
I loved you, thank you.
                          


                          
Goodbye.
                          
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[a/n: so... recently I'm into Day6. Listen and trust Day6 is indeed a classic statement that won't fail you. I wish I could've known them sooner 😥 Please support them and go check out the official MV 🙏🙏🙏]
                          
I want to know your thoughts about the song, isn't it comforting to know how the party whose breaking up also suffer? Sometimes there's just no valid reason... it just happens and the person cannot help it. The way Jae sings 'How can I' is heartbreaking like he's in agony, is it just me? I bet you think so too.