41

                                    

                                          
"Jarrod, when are you going to forgive me? Colby dumped my ass and I just...I need a friend right now." I explained as I followed him around the diner like a lost puppy. 
                          
"I know I haven't talked to you in weeks but...I never meant to hurt you, J. I never meant for this to happen." I said as he huffed out a breath. "I really liked you, Vi. You kissed me and told me you didn't mean it and that you loved some dude who you hadn't even known for a week." He said as I nodded. 
                          
"I know...I just...I love him, J. I can't explain it because I don't know why. It just happened this way." I said as we started to roll silverware together. "Well you see how well that turned out." He said which sent a shooting pain through my chest. 
                          
I still loved Colby. I loved him so much but I was afraid to talk to him. He would call every once in a while but I didn't want to hurt him. 
                          
I didn't want to hurt anyone.
                          
"I know...I'm just sorry okay? I miss you." I said as he sighed. "He really dumped you?" He asked after a second of silence. "Yeah. About a week ago." I said and looked down. 
                          
"I'm sorry, V." He said as I shrugged. "It's okay. It probably just wasn't supposed to work out. A breakup was inevitable." I said and chewed on my lip as we finished with our task.
                          
"It still probably hurts though." He said as I nodded. "Yeah. It does." I said quietly as I grabbed my stuff. "Do you want me to come over?" He asked as I shook my head. "No, I'm just gonna sleep off the sadness." I said and grabbed my keys. 
                          
"Call me if you need anything, okay?" He asked as I nodded. "I will. See you later." I said then walked to my car. 
                          
As soon as I got in the car I started crying. I never used to cry like this, I was always pretty level headed and could handle myself pretty well. I haven't been like this since the last time my heart broke. 
                          
I cried the entire way home, feeling the urge to get some alcohol and drown out the pain. I wasn't going to do that though, alcohol was the reason this whole mess happened. 
                          
When I got home I sniffled and just laid on the couch, looking up at the ceiling, thinking about everything for the hundredth time this week. 
                          
Part of me wanted to call Colby and apologize to him again. I wanted him to forgive me and take me back but there wouldn't be a point to it. Long distance relationships didn't work. 
                          
We would never work. 
                          
My thoughts were interrupted by my phone ringing, "hello?" I sniffled out, not even looking at who was calling. 
                          
"Vi?" Sam asked as I let out a breath. "Sam...if you're calling to yell at me then please don't. I know I fucked up." I said and covered my eyes with my hand. 
                          
"I'm not going to yell at you. I just wanted to check up on you." He said as my eyes watered again. "I don't deserve that." I whispered as he sighed. "Stop it, Violet." He said as I chewed my lip. "Does he hate me?" I whispered as I closed my eyes.
                          
"No, he really doesn't. He asked me to call you to make sure you're doing okay. He's worried about you." He said as my heart clenched. "Tell him to stop." I whispered and shook my head.
                          
"I'm worried about you too, V." Sam said as I chewed my lip. "Don't worry about me...just forget about me and go back to your glamorous life." I said as he snorted.
                          
"You're so dramatic. I think you two should just talk this out. I care about you both and I know he feels bad about what happened." He explained as I shook my head. 
                          
"We'll never work, Sam. He lives in LA. I live here. It's never going to work." I said as my heart cracked in my chest. "With that mindset it won't." He said as I rolled my eyes. 
                          
"I work 70 hours a week, Sam. I don't have the funds or the time to visit and he can't stop everything there either. We barely had time for eachother anyways." I said as he sighed. "But you still love him, don't you?" He asked as I rubbed my chest where my heart was.
                          
"Yeah." I said quietly and bit my lip. "Then maybe that's the most important thing." He said as I shrugged. "Maybe." I said as he sighed. "I'm not going to get in the middle of it, but please promise you'll call if you need anything?" He asked as I nodded. 
                          
"Thanks, Sam." I said and sat up to go get something to eat. "No problem, Vi. I hope you choose to reach out to him. He's been a mess." He said as I nodded. "I'll think about it." I whispered then opened the fridge, seeing nothing in there. 
                          
"Bye, Sam." I said as he sighed, "Bye, Violet. Please take care of yourself." He said as I nodded and hung up. 
                          
I slammed the fridge then slid down the wall, hugging my knees. All I wanted in the world was the pain to go away in my chest. I wanted all of this to just go away.
                          
I wanted someone to just tell me what to do. 
                          
I sniffled and stood up then grabbed my keys. I decided I was going to go to 415 so I could hopefully  talk to Chad. He would be able to tell me what to do. 
                          
I parked the car then went inside. "Violet!" Chad yelled and ran towards me, hugging me. "What's wrong you look like a mess!" He exclaimed as I chuckled. "Gee thanks, Chad." I grumbled as he frowned. 
                          
"You're still a beautiful flower but you look sad, also where's Daisy? She's always here with you!" He said as my heart sank. "It's been a rough month." I mumbled as he frowned.  
                          
"Sit down, tell me all about it." He said and led me to a booth. "It's a long story." I whispered and looked down at my hands as I chewed on my lip. "I've got time. It's dead as hell in here." He said and handed me a menu, even though I didn't need it. 
                          
I explained everything to him, from winning the contest, to Daisy leaving, to my breakup with Colby. 
                          
"Jesus...okay. I'm getting you a beer. On me. You need it." He said as I breathed a laugh. "That actually sounds amazing right now." I said as he nodded. "Okay, I'll be back. You want your usual?" He asked as I nodded. 
                          
I sat there for a second feeling a little empty looking at the other side of the booth, seeing that it was empty.
                          
I was worried about Daisy. I just wanted to hear from her so I could know she was okay. I could check her Twitter, just to see if she was tweeting. I was worried to do that though, in case people were still hating on me. 
                          
"Okay, here's your beer. And I brought you some mozzarella sticks because cheese makes everything better." Chad said as I laughed, "Thanks, can I ask you for some advice though?" I asked and took a sip of my beer.
                          
"Of course." He said then sat down across from me. "Do you think I should try to talk to Colby?" I asked as he sighed. "The hopeless romantic in me says yes, but I don't want to see you get more any hurt." He said as I nodded. 
                          
"You still love him though?" He asked as I nodded. "Yeah. It's so hard to explain. We barely know eachother but my chest feels empty without him. When he said goodbye it ripped my heart into shreds. It hurt even more then when Daisy left me." I said quietly as he nodded.
                          
"Call him." He said as my brows scrunched. "What?" I asked and looked at him. "Call him right now! You're head over heals, Vi!" He said as I nodded. "I am...okay...but you have to sit here with me." I said as he nodded, "Of course! Do it." He said then gestured towards my phone which was on the table.
                          
I felt my heart beating out of my chest as I unlocked my phone and looked for his contact. Was I ready to talk to him? Would he really even want to talk to me? 
                          
It didn't matter. I was calling him. 
                          
I held the phone up to my ear and waited as it rang. With every ring, my heart would beat faster. It rang a few more times before it sent me to voicemail. 
                          
"He didn't answer." I whispered then put the phone on the table again. "I'm so sorry, Vi..." He said as I shook my head. "Don't worry about it." I said as my eyes watered.
                          
Maybe Sam was wrong. Maybe he was doing fine without me. 
                          
Maybe he was completely over me.