an excerpt of moments lost to bad relationships - ORIGINAL PIECE

                                    

                                          
sometimes it feels like I'm giving so much of myself to others that there's nothing left for me. you never knew when it would begin, all of a sudden you're sitting in an empty room at night wishing for release to the build up of pressure in your brain. its dark and the only light comes from a small box of memories I cannot bear myself to get rid of. that is, until I do, its always hardest before you leap from the edge into oblivion. I closed my eyes and let myself dream, but these dreams are imitations, illusions at best. they are distorted and ugly, I cant bring myself to fall back into that dark place where my deepest fears linger. I feel every touch on my skin, the memory of your hands burns with each second I spend on recalling moments long lost to winds and whispers. I can live with the scars, I've gathered a nice collection over the years. I cant wait until the day you're just another story I tell at a dinner party, on the days where I either long for empathy or stand as a martyr for unhappiness and longing. sooner or later your colours were gonna spill all across my skin, I just hope it'd feel more like silk on sheets than the residue to ash and paint. maybe I'd hoped of sunflowers and bees, instead I received were wasps and rain. I'm not sure why I feel this way, but I can live with never knowing, a lifetime of preparation living in the shadows of others has served me well. I want whats left of my self for me, you dont get to control my body anymore.