Chapter 39- A Healing Conversation

                                    

                                          
A/N: So, no one said anything for wanting to do a pic, but I came up with something. Anyway enjoy the chapter!



                          
***Slight Trigger Warning for this chapter. You have been warned.***






                          
***Rachel's p.o.v***
                          
I woke up to an aching pain coming from my hands. Looking closer, I noticed them to be a bruised purple color. 'Was that from my panic attack last night? I didn't realize it was that bad,' I thought to myself. 
                          
I sighed leaning against Freed. He still had his arms around me with one of his hands still in my hair as he slept.
                          
'He's probably exhausted. After all, I woke him up in the middle of the night. I really am weak if I let the memory of that day affect me that badly,' I thought depressingly.
                          
I felt movement above me as Freed woke up. "Rachel?..." Freed mumbled above me.
                          
"I'm sorry..." I mumbled, tears falling down my face.
                          
"What for?" Freed questions, surprised.
                          
"For being a burden. You shouldn't have to do all this for me. I'm sorry for burdening you with my problems," I choked a sob. 
                          
Freed sighed pulling me close. "Rachel, you're not a burden, your anything but that. You have nothing to apologize for," he whispered.
                          
It was silent before Freed asked, "Do you want to talk about what happened last night?"
                          
I nodded slowly. "I had a nightmare... about that day," I muttered.
                          
"That day?" Freed questioned.
                          
"The day I made Valenzula angry. The worst day of my life. The day I started to fear him. The day I saw Valenzula's true power," I shuddered fearfully.
                          
Freed was silent as I continued, "It was before Prism. I had enough of the pain, so I had been trying to escape that horrible place. I had already failed many times, but the temptation of freedom was too much to pass over. But out of all the days to escape, I chose the wrong day. I was so close, the exit was right in front of me, when it opened revealing Valenzula himself, ...and he was not happy. I should have stopped there. I should have given up, but I was foolish, and I tried to push through. The sight before him ticked him off. I was escaping and his men couldn't even hold off a child who could barely control her own magic. He made quick work of me. I severely underestimated his power. I always thought he was going all out in our training sessions, but he was severely holding back. He didn't hold back at all this time. This time he showed me no mercy. He beat me down in a blink of an eye, but he didn't stop there. He-he grabbed my wrists and started crushing them beneath his grip with his bare hands, all while yelling at me about where my place was. Beneath him, always. H-his grip kept tightening, and just when you thought it would stop, ...it would just keep going. He crushed the bones in my wrists until they broke, shattered, and pierced through my flesh," I shuddered.
                          
At this point I was trembling, hot tears rolling down my face. "But that wasn't even the worst part of it. I was screaming, I was in so much pain, but my screams went unheard to him. Valenzula was too angry for any sympathy. He-he... he used his magic. Just when you thought the pain wouldn't get any worse, he added his magic to it. Its not the first time I've been hit with his magic, but this time I felt the full force of it, this time, I felt his true power and I-I..." I stuttered. 
                          
Freed held me tightly as I tried to finish. I took a deep breath before I continued, "I died."
                          
Freed jolted.
                          
"His magic was too much for me to handle that I died, and... I was happy with it."
                          
I could feel Freed tense up above me. "I finally felt no pain. No sadness. I felt... at peace. I was happy it was over, but just as I thought that, I was pulled back. One of Valenzula's guildmembers brought me back. I wish he hadn't. The pain came back full force. It was terrible, too much for me to ever put to words. I couldn't even scream I was in so much pain. Apparently, my heart had stopped for ten minutes before they were able to revive me. They had stopped any bleeding and positioned the bones in my wrists so they would heal correctly, but that was it. They made sure I would live not heal me. I was left to deal with the pain on my own. That day, I learned to never deify Valenzula, he was too powerful, and I would never be able to beat him. I didn't try to escape for a whole 'nother year after that day. That is why I can't handle any contact against my wrists. It always brings up memories of that day. That day was also the reason why I was going to end it all. I wanted that feeling of peace and no pain again. I would have done it too, before Prism appeared and stopped me. That day is why I fear Valenzula and no one else, because that day he broke me," I sobbed.
                          
"T-the nightmare I had last night was my memories of that day. I woke up and felt like I couldn't breathe. I tried to get up and move away only to fall to the floor. I remembered feeling his hands on my wrists like he was there grabbing me. I remember panicking, wanting him off of me. Then I remember seeing you. I was scared. I never had a panic attack that bad before. Usually, Prism is there to help me. She uses a spell to lightly shock me awake long enough for me to summon her, but I think she was afraid of making the panic attack worse for how bad it was. I truly must be weak. I can't even handle my own problems without burdening others," I sobbed, shaking. 
                          
"That's not true."
                          
I stopped. 
                          
"There's no weakness in excepting help from others and having panic attacks doesn't make you broken. We all have times when we need help. Our strength comes from excepting their help, so we can move forward from it," Freed whispers.
                          
"But..." I choked.
                          
"No buts," Freed stated. "Did you know I used to have panic attacks myself?" Freed whispered.
                          
I looked up at him. "You did?" I questioned.
                          
"Yeah, I used to have them all the time.  It was always about the villages and people I killed..." Freed mumbled sadly. 
                          
"I always felt guilty for what I had done and felt like I needed to be punished. So, I would often cast pain runes on myself, almost every night," Freed mumbled. 
                          
I gasped. 
                          
"That was until Laxus found me, punishing myself. He told me to live. For my friends and for who I will make myself to be, who I am now. He made me promise to never harm myself again. He promised he would always be there for me. He helped me get through the guilt and helped me find a reason to live," Freed whispered.
                          
"Is that why you admire him so much?" I asked.
                          
"I admired him for his strength, but I grew closer to him after he helped me. I eventually told Ever and Bickslow about my problems and they helped me with it as well. I had stopped harming myself, but I still felt guilty for what I had done, at least, until I met you," Freed whispered. 
                          
"Me?" I questioned.
                          
"You showed me that I wasn't the monster I thought I was. Your words moved me and cleared away any lingering doubts I had with myself. You freed me from my own demons, and I promise I will be there to help you with yours," Freed promised.
                          
We laid there in silence before Freed spoke up, "So the scars on your wrists are not from you harming yourself?"
                          
I stayed silent. 
                          
"Rachel..."
                          
"Not all of them are," I answered. "Most of them are from Valenzula, but there were a few times I did it after a bad panic attack. I just felt like I needed it to stop sometimes, but Prism would always stop me from going too far and in the end I always felt terrible for doing it," I muttered guiltily. 
                          
Freed tightened his grip around me. "Promise me," Freed whispered.
                          
"Huh?"
                          
"...You never break your promises, right? I need you to promise me. Promise me you will never do that again. Promise me you will live, no matter what happens with Valenzula. Promise me you will live. For yourself and for all of us," Freed encouraged. 
                          
"I- ..." I started.
                          
'But what if I don't come back? What if I-' I thought panicked.
                          
"Rachel Please," Freed begged.



                          
"I- .... I promise."






























                          
A/N: I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Don't forget to Vote and Comment and enjoy your day everyday! See you guys in the next chapter!