39. 35 days en-courting.

                                    

                                          
It's been exactly one month and five days. I was sent to a mental institution for self-harm. Candice was seeing someone and we all missed thanksgiving. I had nothing to be thankful for. My life for the past month has been living hell. I couldn't hold Allison's baby. I couldn't go to the store without having a mental breakdown and the worst part of all this is that I had no one.
                          
August was busy with his life and when he was by me, I told him I was fine. I didn't want Hades, I didn't want any of my brothers or Mr. Black. I wanted my life. I want to go to the store without a doubt. My sister made everything worst when she broke down. She blamed herself for not protecting me, for not being my big sister, and to say our bond strengthen would be an understatement. 
                          
I was currently at the beach. It was raining and I was sitting on a rock with the waves crashing at my feet. It was ten in the evening and I found myself driving off too El Matador or Malibu for serenity. The beach was always my happy place growing up in New York, we never had that luxury so when I came to California. I made sure to enjoy it.
                          
"Princess." 
                          
"Hi." I didn't turn. I stared ahead at the dark blue sea. It was wild and free, everything I wanted to be.
                          
He put his jacket over my shoulders. "Before you send me to my sister, listen to me." I nodded. "I missed you. I missed your shy, free, and happy personality."
                          
"I can't be who I was," I told him. "I was damaged goods before, now..." I sigh. "Now I'm just damaged."
                          
"Still having nightmares?"
                          
"No. They stopped. It's the voices inside my head." I said. He pulled me up from behind. Damage or not, this man's touch still affects me. His scent still touches my heart and his overwhelming power still made me feel safe. He pulled me into his chest and thank god for the darkest because blushing in this situation wouldn't be good. We stood like that for a while. "Stay tonight?" 
                          
"Come on." 
                          
He leads me to his car and told the driver my home location. I laid my head on his shoulder and we drove in silence. The voices in my head were quiet. He was my antidote. He could save me but if he left, I would be damaged beyond repair. We took the elevator up to my apartment as soon as we reached the apartment building.
                          
"I-my apartment." I started. "I haven't cleaned in forever but the room is clean." he didn't reply and it didn't bother me much. It was his way of saying its fine. I unlocked my door and immediately I was ashamed. 
                          
My company was the lovely bottle of Jack Daniels and his friend, Gin. I didn't want to remember and the more I tried to drown the sorrow, the more they floated up. I had papers, everything was everywhere. August didn't come in anymore, neither did Matt. I wanted no one by apartment because my apartment showed the state I was in. And I was messed up. My emotions were everywhere and I didn't want to talk to a doctor. I didn't want to go through that again.
                          
"Princess, go undress." He leads me to my bathroom as if he's been here many times. 
                          
I entered my bathroom and avoided the mirror. I took a short shower and face the one thing I wanted to avoid. I stood in front of the full-length mirror. My body suffered a lot. I lost more kilos in these few weeks than I did going to the gym. You could see my bones, I was just skin and bones. The bruises were taking forever to heal and my fractures were okay unless I bent in a wrong way or did the heavy lifting. 
                          
My round face was now thin and pale. My red pinkish lips were now colorless. My bright striking blue eyes were dull and lifeless. I wasn't myself and everyone who saw me knew this. I stayed inside during the day and went out at night. The media have been hounding the front door to catch me in my sunken state. They want me out of Lucifer's life so badly that they are willing to destroy my image and reputation. When they heard I resigned from Devil's Tech, they were convinced that we broke up.